


Three Player Game

by PlayerOneMell



Series: Two Grown Ass Gay Men Crying [6]
Category: Be More Chill
Genre: Adoption, Angst, Angst City, Angst with a Happy Ending, BE MORE ANGST, F/F, Fluff, Husb Ands, Live in NYC, M/M, Multi, Post: High school, Post: SQUIP, Scars, Self Harm, Smoking, Weed, boyf riends - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-16
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2019-05-23 23:21:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 79,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14943249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlayerOneMell/pseuds/PlayerOneMell
Summary: “I’ll get it in a sec, just researching something.” He opens it back up and the web page reloads. It’s been in a tab on his laptop for a week now. ‘Adopt today! Give these children a loving home!’ The banner says. The picture of a little girl grins up at Jeremy, and he feels his heart melt. He doesn’t even notice Michael’s footsteps behind him.“Jeremy?” Michael asks, looking at him, then the laptop, then back at him.





	1. Press Start

Married life worked well for Michael and Jeremy. It's almost the same but they share a lot more, like a last name. Michael took Jeremy's last name but they still joke of Jeremy being Jeremy Mell at times. Michael Mell is such a perfect name, Jeremy almost hates that he ruined it. Michael doesn't mind. Michael is currently at the dinner table typing out some coding because he's applying to some video game companies. Being a manager at 7-11 just isn't enough for him anymore. “Jer, do you just wanna order pizza again?” Michael calls into the house not knowing where Jeremy is.

 

Jeremy, hearing Michael’s voice, quickly shuts his laptop slightly guiltily. He knows that if Michael turns around, he could see the screen. “Sure, sounds fine.” He says. “I’ll get it in a sec, just researching something.” He opens it back up and the web page reloads. It’s been in a tab on his laptop for a week now. ‘Adopt today! Give these children a loving home!’ The banner says. The picture of a little girl grins up at Jeremy, and he feels his heart melt. He doesn’t even notice Michael’s footsteps behind him.

 

“Jeremy?” Michael asks, looking at him, then the laptop, then back at him. “We can't eat children for dinner.” He laughs, feeling anxiety start to rise inside him. He puts one hand on the back of Jeremy's chair and leans on it as he runs his fingers through his hair. “Something you wanna talk about, Jer?”

 

Jeremy freezes. “I was going to ask you tonight. I promise. I just-” He looks up at Michael. “We haven’t really discussed it, but when I went to my dad’s the other day he brought it up as a joke and it got me thinking.” He bites his lip. “I think I’m ready, but I wanted to make sure with you. It’s alright if you don’t want to, but…”

 

Michael tries to make his deep breath as silent as possible. Jeremy looks adorable as fuck right now and Michael hates saying no to him, but this a life changing decision. The boys are still pretty young. Michael rubs his eye quickly to make sure his anxiety isn't going to make him cry. “I've...never really thought about it. I never really thought I could...ya know...be a parent.I can barely take care of myself.” Michael tries to slow down, wishing he could use his words better.“I just wanted pizza, Jeremy.” Michael laughs hiding his anxiety well. “It sounds...like a..I mean I uh….can I think about it?”

 

Jeremy bites his lip. “I know. I didn’t really think about it until a week or so ago. Now that we’re relatively stable I thought that maybe we could try? I know its a huge step but…” He shuts his laptop. “We don’t have to talk about this now. How about that pizza?” Jeremy says, getting up. He feels his heart sink a little; he should’ve known they weren’t quite ready. He tries to hide his disappointment as he pulls out his phone to order.

 

Michael can't think straight on an empty stomach. “No...let's talk about it.” Michael says hiding his shaky hands in his pockets. “But first let's get some fucking food. You know how I get when I'm hungry.”Michael sighs. As Jeremy orders Michael walks away feeling awkward. He starts to bite as he painted nails. Brooke came into town and insisted they got manicures. Michael's nails are black, as always. Jeremy hangs up the phone and Michael stops biting his nails debating if this is something he can do right now. His mother has a few days left at most and he's switching jobs... it's just madness. Life always seems to throw a curveball at the weirdest times. Michael takes another deep breath and turns to face Jeremy. “You really want this?”

 

Jeremy bites his lip. “I… I’d certainly like to. Eventually. We don’t have to any time soon, but I can’t stop thinking about it.” He runs his hands through his hair. “It would take ages to get in the paperwork and everything, even if we did decide to.” He takes a deep breath. He meant to ease Michael into the idea of it, not spring it on him like this. “You don’t have to agree to it just to make me happy. If you aren’t ready, you aren’t ready.”

 

Michael's chest feels heavy and he fights the instinct to give into his panic. “Okay, this is my Jeremy I'm talking to? Jeremy, who I talked to about getting a dog once and had a fuckin panic attack?” Michael laughs at the memory. “I mean, yeah...I mean I guess I have a few questions about it...but I could see it being a thing you and I could do. I just have some doubts.” Michael admits. About a year ago Michael and Jeremy made a new promise to each other to not bottle up feelings and be honest. When one person says something triggering or wrong they'd say something so they wouldn't have to relive the hell that was created that night. Michael remembers the promise but still keeps his anxiety to himself. “Can you really see me being a father, Jeremy? I mean, I can see you being one in total honesty. The way you take care of me?” Michael shifts his eyes avoiding looking at Jeremy so Jeremy can't see how anxious he is. “I just don't know if I have what it takes.”

 

“First of all, that was two years ago and I was having a rough day.” Jeremy says, giving a small smile. “I’ve been thinking about this for a while now. We wouldn’t have to worry about the baby stage if we don’t have to. I know we’re only 23, but it’s not that early. I think you’d be great, Michael. I wouldn’t be thinking about it if I didn’t thinks so.” He takes Michael’s hand. “Maybe we just need to take it a little slower.”

 

 

He tries to get his hand to stop shaking while Jeremy is holding it. Michael really doesn't want to have a panic attack right now. He stops the shaking letting the panic stay in his chest making it hard to breath. Michael lets his mind try to keep him stable. “I know...I mean I love you and it's a cool idea..and there's other ways to have kids and adoption might be the easiest…” Michael tries to stay logical with every contraction in his chest. He sits on the couch, and Jeremy follows. “This house...this house is big enough for a player three.” Michael admits. “I just don't know Jer.” Michael's feeling his thoughts spin. “It's a lot to think about.”

 

Jeremy settles his head on Michael’s shoulder. He feels Michael’s shaking. “I know it’s a huge step, and I understand if you aren’t ready for it. We both know how that feels, both in the literal and figurative sense.” He laces his fingers through Michael’s and looks at his nails. “Those look good on you, by the way.”

 

Michael's thankful Jeremy doesn't notice the chipping from the biting. Michael feels a tear roll down his face. “Shit.” He wipes it off quickly. “Oh fuck, I didn't mean for this to happen.” Michael's mumbling and quickly covers his wet face with his hands. “Sorry Jer, I was a little thrown off guard. I didn't mean to…” Michael takes a deep breath. “This is something I do want to do with Jeremy. I'm just a little unstable right now and currently believe that I wouldn't be the greatest at rising a child in any way.” Michael keeps his face covered so Jeremy doesn't have to watch his anxiety pull the tears out of his eyes. “I mean I know it's a long process...and yeah...it'd...I would really love to raise a kid with you.” Michael feels his anxiety lurking in his lungs. “Just...really wasn't expecting this. Can I just have a minute?” Michael's voice cracks when he asks the question.

 

This is all Jeremy’s fault. He shouldn’t have said anything. He lifts Michael’s hand to his lips and kisses it. “I’m going to be back. I’m sorry.” He drops Michael’s hand and heads upstairs to their room. He falls back onto the bed and stares at the ceiling. He wanted this so bad, but was it worth it if Michael was hesitant?

 

Michael wraps himself in his own arms and cradles himself into a ball. He wants Jeremy's help to get through this but he knows he'd feel obligated to talk if Jeremy was here. Michael waits about fifteen minutes and his panic subsides. There's still tears on his face but his chest felt a little lighter. “Jeremy! You don't have to be sorry!” Michael says as loud as he can knowing Jeremy's upstairs. “Really! I just had a rough day I should've said something.” Michael wipes the rest of his tears away and cleans off his glasses. He takes a few more deep breaths making sure he's stable. He's still shaky but he walks up the stairs and into the bedroom. “If anyone should be sorry it's me.” Michael sniffs. “I should've told you about my panic. I didn't mean to...okay seriously it looks like I broke you.” Michael stops mid apology. “Jeremy, are you okay?”

 

Jeremy’s still staring at the ceiling. He takes a shaky breath. “I’m okay.” He looks sidelong at the wall. “Just thinking.” He hates thinking sometimes. It’s something he has to do, but sometimes he wishes it would stop. “It’s just that it seems that every time I speak up, it all goes to hell.”

 

“That's not true. I was unstable. I should've said something, it's something I need to work on.” Michael lays down next to Jeremy, and takes him in his arms. “Speaking of work. I know this is going to take time and a lot out of us. I'll go through the process with you. I think I can handle it. Although, my parents weren't the greatest...maybe I can learn from their mistakes. It's a long process anyways. I heard it could take at least a year. By then I might be ready. I could be stable. Let's do this Jer.” Michael kisses Jeremy's cheek. “I mean it.”

 

Jeremy looks at Michael. “We don’t have to do it if you don’t want to. Seriously. If it makes you uncomfortable…” He takes Michael’s hand in his. “But if you’re completely sure.” His head settles back next to Michael’s.

 

“Jeremy, if you're ready, then so am I.” Michael pulls Jeremy even closer to him. “Let's bring a player three into this chaotic life, shall we?” Michael pulls Jeremy into a soft kiss. Sometimes Michael can be pretty romantic with his kisses. Then the doorbell rings. “That's the fuckin pizza.”Michael ditches Jeremy going to retrieve the pizza from the door. 

 

Jeremy gives a small smile. Michael can make everything better. So can pizza, as a matter of fact. He follows Michael down the stairs, going to the kitchen. He grabs his laptop and pulls up the website as Michael comes in.

 

Michael throws the pizza on the table and grabs two plates. Then he looks at Jeremy. He takes another deep breath. He's still a little shaky on this subject. “Jer, what age would you want to adopt a kid at?” Michael asks getting curious.

 

“I’m going to assume you mean the kid’s age. I don’t think either of us could raise a baby. I’ve seen you in Home Ec when we had to do that robotic baby thing.” He gives a smirk. “I was thinking toddler age, three to six. And a girl.”

 

“A girl you say?” Michael cocks his eyebrow as he grabs two sodas from the fridge. “I mean, toddlers are adorable. I'm down for that.” Michael thinks about the gender still he passes Jeremy a soda. The more he thinks about it, the more it makes sense. Michael doesn't think he could handle raising a boy anyway. Then he pauses. “But what if she doesn't like video games? Can we raise her to like video games? IS THAT A THING WE CAN DO?”

 

 

Jeremy laughs, opening the pizza box. “I don’t see why not. If we do, I don’t ever want to see you playing Apocalypse of the Damned with her until she’s old enough.” He pointed his slice at Michael, jokingly threatening. He takes a bite of the pizza. “Other than that, yes, we can.”

 

“Wait...and I've heard about adoption shit before. Jenna's adopted, did ya know? Anyways, the adoption agency comes and looks around your house...Jer I have to get rid of my weed don't I? OH MY GOD! Will I have to stop getting high?” Michael takes another deep breath. “Jer, I love my weed. Can't we just adopt weed or something?”

 

“You told me you were clean, Mikey!” Jeremy exclaims. “And yes, you will.” He gives Michael a glare. Then he smiles again. He can’t stay mad at him. “We need to make the house good for a child.” Jeremy found it hilarious that video games was Michael’s first reaction, and not weed.

 

“Oh please Jeremy, I've been a stoner since I was twelve, you think I'd be clean? You're adorable Jer. I can just hide my hide my stash where you can't find it.” Michael laughs. “Um..but...I mean….I could...just smoke the rest right?” Michael asks stroking the back of his neck as he sits down. “I mean, you can't just ask me to dispose of it.”

 

Jeremy sighs. “We’ll probably have to wean you off of it. I’ll schedule it for a month or so from now.” He scrolls through the website, trying not to get pizza grease on the keyboard. “Then we can fill out paperwork. That takes a really long time. About a year, according to this site.”

 

“A year?” Michael feels something inside him twinge. “That means I keep smoking for a year….I mean, at least I'm not like Chloe! Chloe smokes actual cigarettes!” Michael laughs. “Sorry...I've been getting stoned for almost ten years. You started at fifteen and stopped, what? Two years ago now? You were never good at it, of course...but still. We learned to shotgun in college and that helped us through so many times it's not even funny. Shotgunning was fun, and I think about it every time I light up.” Michael smiles thinking of the memory longing to feel a mix of Jeremy's soft lips and a hot joint against his lips. Every kiss and touch feeling like fire. “I'd die to do that again.” Michael sighs, trying to hide how much he misses it. “Not really what this is about though. Guess you can tell how long it's been since I've had a joint by now...cause now I really wanna get high. It eases my anxiety. Eases stress. You don’t want to know how much I have because of this whole situation with my mother. It helped you when you came off the SQUIP. Every time we ran out of red?” Michael pauses. “I'm sorry I forget how important stupid shit like that can be to me sometimes...” Michael bites into the pizza to distract himself. “But...paperwork. Sounds...adult and mature like. This really sounds like shit we aren't good at.” Michael starts drumming his fingers on the table.

 

“This will be really hard for you. But it’s necessary. You gotta shape up.” Jeremy smiles at his own reference. “And I can’t exactly go teach high schoolers while completely stoned, I have to be a good influence on them. Be that teacher who says ‘don’t do drugs kids.’” Jeremy sighs. “Yeah, I know. Sounds like torture. But hopefully it’ll be worth it. We’ll probably do foster care before, find the right kid.”

 

Michael runs his fingers through his hair. Then back to tapping them on the table. Weed isn’t an addictive drug, but Michael uses it for his anxiety when he can. Going without it almost seems insane. He's just had an anxiety attack. Usually he either naps or gets high. How could this be happening? “You're right. I know you're right. I just…” Michael takes another deep breath. “I'm sorry. I'm just worried.” Michael's tapping gets faster. I can learn to live. Michael keeps thinking to himself.

 

Jeremy puts his hand over Michael’s. “You can back out at any time. We don’t have to go through with this. If you can’t handle it, I’ll be fine waiting until you do.” Jeremy smiles genuinely at Michael.

 

“No, Jeremy I wanna do this. ” Michael starts shaking his legs. “I'm sorry. My anxiety is just on the rise and….I love you.” Michael hears his phone go off. It's his brother's text tone. Michael takes his phone out, doesn't look. He discards his phone but throwing it over his shoulder and it lands on the couch. He looks at the liquor cabinet, but doesn't want Jeremy to deal with drunk him. “I love you so much….but I need to just….” Michael thinks quickly. Michael kicks a chair over with his foot, distracting Jeremy. He ducks into the kitchen. He grabs a single joint from his little hiding spot and comes back into the dining room and lights it. He gracefully blows out smoke. “Yeah...sorry about this.” Michael apologizes but doesn't look sorry as he blows smoke out of his lips. He sees Jeremy smirk. “You know I love you, but I really need this.” Michael hears his phone ding again and takes another hit remembering his shotgunning days, he smiles. Michael lets the joint hang loosely from his lip. It's one joint. The most it can do is get Michael buzzed. What's the worry? Michael will stop fidgeting...eventually. Michael puffs out the smoke as graceful as ever. It slowly leaves Michael's lips leaving a small gloss over them. Michael makes art with his smoke. He knows how to make rings and all sorts of things. He used to be able to impress Jeremy with his skills, get Jeremy to join him. Michael knows that's not what will happen as he puffs out again. He just needs this so he can calm down.

 

Jeremy sits stunned for a moment. “Wh-what?” Everything happened so quickly. Suddenly Michael’s in the room with a joint and his phone is on the couch and a chair is knocked over. “You know that you could’ve just asked, right? No one’s coming until at least a month from now.” Jeremy isn’t happy about it, but it does calm Michael down.

 

“I never darned think of asking.” Michael's starting to feel the effects. He can tell cause his voice and tone is dropping. He puffs the smoke out and swirls around the room. “Wanna hit, Jer?” Michael asks. “Or a shotgun?” Michael's voice dropped into his low tone. He sees Jeremy fight a smile. “Please, Jer?” Michael walks over to Jeremy and kneels next to his chair and shuts the laptop. “Come on, Jeremy. Remember the first time we shotgunned? Remember the _last_ time we shotgunned?” Michael touches Jeremy's shoulder and then his chin and looks into Jeremy's electric blue eyes. “Let’s misbehave.” Michael arches his eyebrows in a suggestive way.

 

Jeremy laughs slightly. “Mikey, you know how I get when I’m high. It might calm you down, but it makes me a mess. The last time we shotgunned was probably the best time, but remember all the other ones? It never ended well.” He winced, remembering only bits and pieces of it. Shouting and crying. “But if you really want me to…” He smiles down at Michael. He can’t say no to that face.

 

“I will take care of ya Jer-bear, just like I do every time. You get high a lot faster than me so as long as I stay buzzed we will be just fine, mmkay?” Michael says poking Jeremy's nose. “Let's be kids one last time...but not in the dining room. To the basement my prince!” Michael can tell his anxiety is easing as it is. He knows he will be pulled out of his haze later, but doesn't seem to give a fuck now. He carries Jeremy into the basement and places him lightly in a bean bag. “Besides, maybe it'll help to get your emotions out. If not, I will take care of you, I promise. If not, I know how to make you sleep. Also, as long as we don't shotgun too much you won't get high...I think, it's been awhile.” Michael tries to reassure Jeremy that this is a good idea as he sits next to him. Michael looks at Jeremy... he is fidgeting with his own fingers. Michael slides off his bean bag. “Come Heere...haha. No seriously, get over here it'll be fine.” Michael takes the joint in his hand. Jeremy listens and sits across from Michael. Jeremy has the same look in his eyes the way they did when they first did this. Excitement and fear. All blended into the blue galaxies of his eyes. Michael doesn't question it. He feels his heart melt. He takes a hit and Jeremy leans in. Michael lets out the smoke and pulls Jeremy into a kiss. Michael sees Jeremy's eyes somehow light up even more. Michael seems to have forgotten how adorable Jeremy can be. Michael leans back sitting back down. “Anything you want me to promise to do while you're vulnerable Jer? I know you have rules sometimes. Anything you need me to do?”

 

Jeremy gives a nervous smile. He feels like he’s sixteen again, and it’s equal parts thrilling and terrifying. “Just… promise me you won’t take anything I say too seriously. I have these… thoughts that I don’t want to have and can normally filter, but I can’t promise they’ll stay in my head if we do this. That was part of the reason I stopped.” Jeremy glances down then back up at Michael. “Let’s do this. One last time, together.”

 

“Okay. You know I'll stay calm. I don't really have a choice when I'm like this.” Michael sighs. “I'll just have to make sure you're okay. If you're not, do I have full permission to knock you out?” Michael askstaking the joint in his fingers again. Michael and Jeremy do another shotgun, but don't let their lips meet. It's the correct way. The smoke surrounds Jeremy's face and Michael whimpers at the beautiful sight. Jeremy looks angelic. “Do I have permission?” Michael asks again, knowing how bad Jeremy gets. Michael had resorted to physical violence once... they were eighteen. Jeremy was screaming hysterically, so Michael punched him in the face to knock him out. Michael swore he'd never do it again and found better ways to calm down Jeremy. Without the permission to put Jeremy to sleep, if he gets bad, Michael fears he will punch Jeremy again.

 

Jeremy breathes in the smoke, trying not to cough. He isn’t used to it anymore. “Just don’t do anything permanent. We’ve been in the hospital too much over the past few years.” He feels his mind start to cloud. For a split second, Jeremy thinks that this will be different, that it would be like the last time. Then he feels his anxiety start to build, and pulls Michael into another kiss to stop from feeling anything else.

 

As time goes on, Jeremy gets more emotional and Michael gets calmer; it's as if Jeremy is gaining everything Michael losing. It's basic shotgunning for the two of them but after a kiss, a tear slips Jeremy's eye and Michael wipes it away. Michael is buzzed as hell. But he knows he's responsible for taking care of Jeremy. “Hey, I love you and all... but you are crying. What are you thinking right now, hun?” Michael says looking into Jeremy's bloodshot eyes afraid of what he will say. He's either gonna ask a question or have an emotional breakdown on the spot. Michael would be very fearful...but instead he just feels very protective.

 

Jeremy takes a deep breath. “I’m just remembering things that I didn’t think of at the time.” He brushes away the tears he didn’t even realize were there. “Everyone’s SQUIP is different. Mine was Keanu Reeves, Christine’s was Hillary Clinton, Rich’s was Kermit the Frog. I never really mentioned it, but…” He breathes in the remnants of smoke. “What was yours? You’ve never mentioned it, and I know its a little private.” He looks into Michael’s eyes. He can barely see them through his smoked up glasses.

 

Michael runs his fingers through his own hair and sighs. He knows this question would pop up eventually. He can't avoid it, not forever. “Well Jer...my SQUIP was...more than one person.” Michael admits. “I wanted to experience what you did so sometimes my SQUIP was Keanu Reeves...and the other time…” Michael pauses. He knows Jeremy is fragile. He can see it...but Jeremy will die if he doesn't answer this question. “The other time..” Michael can't get anxious but he feels like if he could this would be the time. “It was...you.” Michael feels his heart twinge as he lays down in his bean bag...he can't look at Jeremy.

 

“It was… me?” Jeremy’s hands start to shake. He reaches out to Michael, but is afraid that if they touch one of them will break. “Mikey… how can you even look at me? I can’t even see a picture of Reeves without almost having a panic attack. You see me every day, and I was your SQUIP.” A thought strikes him. “That time in the bathroom before we got engaged… was it me?” That would hurt Jeremy the most.

 

Michael feels his scars rub against his sweatshirt sleeve as he sits up to look at Jeremy. The one around his tattoo is gone, but the one that reads ‘loser’ still remains on his bicep. “No? Yes? Maybe?” Michael tries to remember. He looks at Jeremy's eyes and winces. Michael takes off his glasses and cleans the lenses to make sure he's seeing right. Jeremy comes into focus. Fragile, broken, extremely fragile. Michael seriously can't remember. It would switch between Keanu and Jeremy so readily. “I don't know, Jeremy...I really don't...I wanted to see you so bad but it was like Keanu and then you and then it would keep switching and Keanu had those pills so close to my chin, I thought I was gonna die! I just wanted to see you. I wanted to…” Michael looks around trying to remember if he keeps any weed in the basement. “Jeremy, I love you. I got the SQUIP removed. I couldn't stand hearing your voice calling me loser over and over and over again. But I'm okay. I love you so much and I'm okay now. I love you. Please, Jeremy.” Michael sees the tears glisten in the electric blue eyes….not electric like SQUIP electric...Michael knows what that looks like. “Please Jer, you gotta believe me. You didn't cause…” Michael rolls his sleeve up. “You didn't cause that. That was Keanu...I know it wasn't you. It was a dumb toy that played with my mind. It wasn't you.”

 

Jeremy runs his hands through his hair. Everything’s so overwhelming he feels as if he’s going to explode. His vision blurs and his breathing gets sharper. He shouldn’t have done this, he shouldn’t have asked. This is why he stopped. Michael’s words are distorted and Jeremy can barely hear anything. All he hears is his own pounding heart and throbbing head and the blood rushing in his ears. “Mikey-” he pants out. “I can’t-” His sentence cuts off with a sob. “It’s too much, I can’t do this.”

 

Michael looks around the room quicker. That joint isn't all the way...done. He takes a hit quickly and tries to keep his smoke away from Jeremy. Him and Jeremy both being emotional is a recipe for disaster and he knows it. Michael throws the joint down and makes a risky move. Michael scoops Jeremy into his chest. He wipes away Jeremy's tears and keeps him close to his chest. “Jer, it's okay. Everything's okay now.” Michael holds his sobbing husband in his arms. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do this to you.” Michael presses his forehead against Jeremy's.

 

Jeremy feels so small and vulnerable. He squeezes his eyes shut and tries to wish away the pain, but the images that explode in his vision are so vivid. Michael’s looking at him, a betrayed look on his face. It switches between 16 year old Michael and 22 year old Michael, and both times he hears his own voice say ‘loser.’ But one time it comes from his own lips, the other from a version of himself standing behind Michael. His eyes fly open. He realizes he’s clenching his fists again and tries to stop tensing up. “I’m the one who should be sorry.”

 

“No, no. You have nothing to be sorry for Jer.” Michael takes his hands off Jeremy's face. He places an arm around his back to support him, and another to hold Jeremy's hand. “Just please, Jeremy. You're my everything. You don't need to worry.” Michael feels his sleeve tug at a scar. “This wasn't your doing. This wasn't you.” The fire inside of Michael from the joint is slowly dying. Michael stays strong. He's not letting his feeling escape him. He will protect Jeremy if it's the last thing he does. “Just breathe with me Jeremy. Okay, stay with me.” Michael keeps Jeremy close to him. He's not letting Jeremy get worse. Crying, sobbing, panting...Michael knows what comes next. He has to keep Jeremy calm before anything gets worse. Then Michael feels the fabric of his sweatshirt rub against a...newer scar. Michael winces. Jeremy doesn't know about it but this really isn't the time. It's well hidden. It's from a week ago anyways. “You're doing well Jeremy. You'll be okay. Everything's going to be fine. Just fine.”

 

Jeremy grabs Michaels hand. “Mikey…” His entire chest hurts. He tries to move and get comfortable, but feels a rip of electricity through his back. He bites back a scream and grips Michael’s hands tighter. The electricity triggers memories that Jeremy would much rather stay covered. He tries to even out his breathing focusing on Michael’s hand in his and his arm around him. Then a voice pierces through the haze. Everything about you is so terrible. “Mikey, I need red.” His voice is choked and he sounds like he’s underwater.

 

“Okay.” Michael says with urgency. He doesn't let go of Jeremy, but kicks open the mini fridge. He thinks which arm to use. He keeps the one around Jeremy's back and lets go of Jeremy's hand. It's the last bottle of red. Michael has to text his dealer. Don't they always run out at the worst times? “I love you, Jer. Just hang on for me okay?” Michael swings his body under Jeremy and places his arm around Jeremy's waist holding him up in a sitting position. He unscrews the soda and and holds it in his hand. Michael remembers the time he swallowed one of these...it wasn't fun. Michael swings his arm around and touches the bottle to Jeremy's lips. “Ready?” Michael asks and he feels Jeremy nod. Michael tilts the bottle into Jeremy's mouth forcing him to drink.

 

The voice in his head screams, and Jeremy feels like his head has fractured into a thousand pieces. He pulls the bottle away, it’s still half full. “We… should save it. I’m fine.” Jeremy lies through his teeth. He’s trying not to scream. The pain isn’t as bad as the previous times, but everything’s more vivid when he’s high. Then the second wave hits and he can’t hold back the screams any more.

 

“Jeremy!” Michael puts the bottle down. He covers Jeremy's mouth with his hand. Michael did this to him. Michael knows it's his fault. His heart aches as he sees Jeremy in pain. With every heart wrenching scream Michael feels his heart shatter more and more. “Jeremy! Can you still hear me?” Michael asks quickly, knowing Jeremy can go deaf with the voices in his head. Jeremy starts squirming in Michael's embrace. Michael refuses to let go. If Jeremy can't hear him, Michael's gonna have to make some quick decisions. With the tears in Jeremy's eyes Michael knows Jeremy can't see him. Without sight and hearing, all Michael can do is hold Jeremy. “Jeremy! Can you hear me?” He repeats.

 

Somehow, Michael’s voice penetrates the haze of pain in Jeremy’s head. Wherever he feels Michael’s touch, it burns like a thousand needles. He tries to get out of his grasp, but stops fighting. Everything hurts. He struggles to open his eyes, but can’t lift his head. “S-sorry Mikey.” He whispers into his shirt. Then his eyes close again and he gives in to the pain. Jeremy passes out in his husband’s arms.

 

“Fuck!” Michael shouts, feeling angry at himself. Michael picks Jeremy up and walks up the stairs through the kitchen and up more stairs and puts Jeremy in bed. He kisses Jeremy's forehead and Michael lets his own tears fall. “Come on, Jeremy. Wake up for me.” Michael laying next to Jeremy and keeps their fingers interlaced. Michael kisses the back of Jeremy's hand. “I'm right here, Jer. Just hang on for me. It's gonna be okay.” Michael says trying to keep himself calm. This is his fault. _Loser_. Michael sits up. He doesn't have his SQUIP but he does have memory. “Come on Jeremy...wake up. I'm so sorry. Please wake up.” Michael stays close to Jeremy and moves the chestnut curls out of his eyes.

 

Jeremy feels Michael there, knows he should wake up, but he just can’t. Everything is dark and he feels like he’s drowning. Memories flash again and again, all the pain and suffering he’s felt. He feels Michael’s lips on his hand and his tears and somehow, inexplicably, it starts to get brighter. He sees Michael in the distance, sitting in their basement, playing video games. The familiar end of level sound of Pac-man echoes in his head. “Good job, Player Two!” He hears. He’s confused for a moment. Who’s Michael’s player two? Jeremy isn’t there. Then he sees a little girl sitting in his bean bag, cheering. She throws her arms around Michael’s neck, and Michael grins up at Jeremy. He opens his mouth to say something, but it isn’t what Jeremy expects at all. “Jer, wake up.”

Jeremy lurches upright, breathing hard. “Mikey?”

 

“Right here, Jer.” Michael says, sitting up with Jeremy. “You okay? Jer, are you okay?” Michael looks into Jeremy's eyes. “What just happened? What did you see?” Michael takes both of Jeremy's hands. He rubs his thumb back and forth against the soft skin on Jeremy's hands.

 

Jeremy smiles slightly. “It started off awful. I was drowning and I saw everything I’d done wrong… but then I saw you. We had a daughter, Michael.” He looks down. “You were teaching her how to play pac-man.” He says, noticing the tattoo on his and Michael’s arms. He turns over Michael’s forearm, putting them next to each other, lining them up. He traces his finger over the tattoo.

 

Michael bites his lip, smiling. “PAC-man, huh?” Michael says, looking at their matching tattoos. “Um...wow.” Michael looks back up at Jeremy. “Okay, take two. Wanna go back on your laptop and start doing this? I mean...your head might not be clear...you look all right now.” Michael says. Michael's not buzzed anymore, so he’s hoping there's a chance that Jeremy's high has been brought down. “Day one, and three hundred sixty-four more to go?” Michael says.

 

Jeremy’s head still aches, but it’s the normal kind of headache now. “Yeah, let’s do this.” He kisses Michael’s cheek and tries to stand up. He stumbles a little, still woozy. Luckily, they weren’t smoking for very long. He shakes it off and heads downstairs to grab his laptop. He notices the pizza still on the table, and realizes he barely ate any of his.

 

Michael follows Jeremy down the stairs and notices his phone is still on the couch he turns the ringer off. He doesn't look at the notifications from his brother, Jackson, or his sister, Sophia. “Do not let me look at my phone until we are done with this.” Michael sits down next to Jeremy this time. “And maybe eat some dinner while we are at it.”

 

Jeremy nods. “We need to do a lot of paperwork. It’s going to be fun.” He wrinkled his nose at his own sarcasm. He picked up his piece of pizza, booting up his computer. When the screen pops up, Jeremy tells Michael all about what he had been researching. He shows him the different forms and things they need to fill out. After about an hour, Jeremy looks over at Michael, who seems to be a little overwhelmed. “We should leave this for another day. Take a little break.”

 

“Yeah... okay.” Michael sighs. The boys delay the paperwork for two days. Michael eventually works himself up to look at his phone, and gets nothing but bad news. A few months pass. It's a cool spring day. Michael's pacing around the house. The adoption agency were coming to check the house.


	2. Strangers and Scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael opens up about the new scar just before the adoption agency checks out the house. That’s life. These boys are growing up.

Michael hasn't smoked in exactly thirty seven days and he knows it. Michael feels his scars rub against his sweatshirt. The dumb one that says ‘loser’. “Jer, aren't you worried?” Michael's pacing around the kitchen. He never told Jeremy about the newer one. The one that he did a week before the whole adoption topic came up. “I mean, this is real. This is a real thing we are doing.”

 

Jeremy’s sitting at their oddly spotless kitchen table, scrolling through the website again and again. “I know, Mikey. And yes, I’m fucking worried. It’s actually happening. We’re going to possibly adopt a kid.” He looks up and smiles at Michael. “Sit down, you’re making me more worried.” As Michael sits, Jeremy takes mental inventory. “You’re certain that there are no drugs or alcohol left in this house?”

 

“I think so.” Michael starts drumming his fingers on the table and closes his eyes trying to remember everything. “You think they'll question our massive stock of discontinued sodas in our mini fridge?” Michael asks. His drumming gets faster and then he looks at how worried Jeremy is and stops. “Sorry.” He says, putting his hands in his pockets. “Jer...Jeremy….I mean...they're not questioning our past are they? We still have that blood stain in the bathroom. We covered it but still! And the medicine cupboard is locked! How is that not questionable! And god I'm warm but if I take of the sweatshirt…” Michael slams his head on the table. “Why are we doing this again?”

 

“I can call and say we’ve changed our minds, but we’ve come this far. And if they see your scars, it’s not like you’ve done anything new in years. We’ll be okay. And what’s wrong with discontinued sodas?” He looks up at Michael. “And if all else fails, we can just say the house came with the stain. It didn’t necessarily have to have been us.” He looks back at his screen. “Also, please don’t do that. Head damage before officials come to the house somehow doesn’t seem like a good idea.”

 

Michael looks up at Jeremy and feels his stomach lurch. “Years….years, years..” He slides off his chair and kneels next to Jeremy. “Except it's not years.” Michael says and takes Jeremy's hands. “More like months. Like...four or so months.” Michael says. He lets go of Jeremy, rolls his sweatshirt sleeve up and shows Jeremy the mark above his elbow, another word in Michael's skin. “I should've told you I just…” Michael rolls his sleeve back down as the doorbell rings.

 

Jeremy momentarily stares at his sleeve, but just grabs his hand instead. “We’ll talk about this later. Let’s do this.” He kisses Michael’s cheek, then heads to the front door, their hands still interlaced. He puts his free hand on the doorknob and gives Michael a nervous, but excited look. Then he pulls the door open. “Hello! You must be Miss Chase.” Jeremy says, smiling at the woman.

 

Michael can tell Jeremy's disappointed. But squeezes his hand a bit anyways. “Nice to meet you.” Michael offers his right hand and shakes the woman’s hand. The boys welcome the woman into their house and decide to separate their hands. There's a time to be clingy and this is not one of those times. The woman checks around the house and of course asks the boys a few questions. Jeremy gets tense when he remembers all the spots Michael used to hide drugs. Michael gets worried trying not to freak out.

Jeremy’s just praying Michael actually got rid of everything he said he did. They enter the bathroom, which the woman thankfully doesn’t go into much depth in. She does make sure they have nothing illegal, and that the sleeping pills are prescription. Then they head upstairs, and spend a long time in the guest room, where the possible child would be staying. Jeremy’s just dreading the basement. He’s pretty sure if this meeting could go to hell, it most definitely would be there.

 

 

“Do you two use your basement?” The woman asks.

“Yes.” Michael replies. The woman walks out of the room and down the stairs. Michael looks at Jeremy. “Hey, we are doing just fine, alright?” Michael whispers and kisses Jeremy forehead. “There is nothing down there. I promise.” Michael walks out of the guest room. “Come on, Jer.”

 

Jeremy takes a nervous breath. “I sure hope so.” He mutters. He follows Michael down the stairs, heading towards the basement. Now that he’s looking at it from a third person perspective, it seems a bit odd. Video game posters line the walls, there’s bean bag chairs, and it all seems very dark. Luckily their Apocalypse of the Damned poster is hanging on the inside of their closet door, or they’d probably have to take it down. It wasn’t the most child friendly poster. As it is, the woman glances around and doesn’t even seem fazed, as if she’s seen this a million times.

“Do you keep any alcohol in this fridge?” She asks, holding her clipboard to her chest and gesturing at it with her pen.

“Not often. Mostly old-fashioned sodas.” Jeremy says.

 

“Old-fashioned sodas?” The woman asks.

“Stuff from the nineties.” Michael says. “I'm a little retro.” He admits. It's a little obvious just how retro Michael can be. The woman can see Jeremy and Michael's tattoos. Michael has retro styled patches on his sweatshirt. Some of the posters are retro.

“What sodas? There are certain sodas that were discontinued for medical purposes.” She asks.

“Mountain Dew Red.” Michael opens the fridge. “And rarely crystal Pepsi. They sell it in Canada.” Michael plays with his hair a bit. “Sometimes Ruby red squirt. That's pretty much it.”

 

Ms. Chase raises her eyebrows and made a note on her clipboard. “I see. Well, if we take this back upstairs and we’ll talk about your family life and everyday life, shall we?” She clicks her pen and looks at the boys.

Jeremy nods and leads the way up the stairs. This was the part he was scared about. It was mainly about mental health, and while he hadn’t had a panic attack for almost a month now, it still worried him. He’d probably have to open up about the SQUIP, and even though it has been almost eight years, he still doesn’t like it.

 

Michael knows Jeremy's worried as the three of them sit at the table. Michael and Jeremy sit next to each other. Michael brings a foot next to Jeremy's showing support.

“Let’s start easy. What do you two do for a living?”

“I'm a programmer at a video game company and Jeremy works with high school kids.” Michael smiles at Jeremy. “From what I've been told he's pretty good at what he does.”

 

Jeremy smiles at Michael. He wants to take Michael’s hand, but doesn’t think that seems professional. “Together we make a decent salary with money to spare for a child.”

“That’s always important. Do either of you have any problems with drugs or alcohol?” She asks, looking down at her clipboard and made another note. Jeremy feels his heart pound.

“No, neither of us have.” Jeremy says, staying as calm as possible. Honestly, it was the woman’s own fault. She asked about problems, not if they ever used them.

 

“That's good.” She keeps writing notes and Michael gets anxious with every scratch of her pen on the paper. Michael crosses his one foot over with Jeremy's and tries to keep his leg from shaking. “What about your families? Siblings? Parents?”

“I have a brother. Jackson Mell. He's real smart, he's still in college. A sister, Sophia Mell. She’s a lawyer. Then I have... had two parents raise me. Male and female. My father is the only one still alive.”

“And your situation, Jeremiah?”

Jeremy winces. “I’m an only child. Only grew up with my dad, my mom left when I was a teen. I haven’t seen her for years.” He plays with his cardigan sleeve.

She nods and makes another note. “Have either of you suffered or are suffering with any mental illnesses, such as anxiety or depression?”

Jeremy looked down at the table. “I do suffer from anxiety, but with proper medication I can get through the day perfectly fine. It doesn’t normally affect my health.” He says, trying to make it sound better than it really is.

“And Michael?”

“Social anxiety.” It's the only two words Michael could get out right away. “I have social anxiety, but it rarely affects me unless I'm speaking in front of large crowds or meeting new people.” Michael admits.

“Anxiety but no depression? How interesting. They usually come hand in hand.” Ms. Chase comments. Ms. Chase scans over the clipboard with all her notes. She flips over her notes and looks at the paperwork Jeremy and Michael has already filled out. Medical records and all. “Jeremiah went to therapy as a child. I'm assuming this is because of the separation of your parents? But you didn't go alone...you had a friend present with you at your appointments.”

“That...would be me.” Michael sighs.

“I was a freshman when they separated, with anxiety and only one friend. I only really could talk to Michael, so I made him come along.” Jeremy shrugs. “By sophomore year I was out.”

Ms. Chase looks slightly confused at her clipboard. “It says here you were in therapy throughout high school. Junior and senior year as well.”

Jeremy fidgets. “That was for a different reason.”

“May I ask what that reason is?” She asks, pen poised above her papers.

Jeremy doesn’t care about politeness anymore and grabs Michael’s hand.

 

Michael looks at Jeremy and sees he's worried. Michael keeps his hand there. He can't help but to think of what to do. It's been 37 days 17 hours 47 minutes and 23 seconds since he's had a joint, but boyf does he wish he had one at that moment. “Jeremy went through some personal issues towards the end of high school.” Michael starts.

“Personal?” Ms. Chase slurs the cold word and looks at Michael.

Jeremy squeezes Michael’s hand. “I, um, went to Middle Borough School in New Jersey.” He hopes that Ms. Chase remembers the old news stories.

“The school with the… quicks?” She says, looking up at Jeremy.

“SQUIPs. I was one of the students that was SQUIPPed. The combination of that and my anxiety made it pretty bad. I was in the hospital for a while.” Jeremy took a deep breath. “I was actually one of the first. I dealt with it for a couple of months.”

Ms. Chase gives him a sympathetic look. “Do you still feel the side effects from it?”

Jeremy takes a deep breath and lies. “No, not anymore.”

“Michael were you one of the students who was under the influence?”

“No Ms. Chase, I was not. I...I actually saved Jeremy.” Michael smirks. “I was the child who ruined an entire school play.”

“I see. And Jeremiah went to therapy. I've heard that self discovery can be a real problem for victims.” She scans over her clipboard. “And you've never been under influence?”

“Not once.” Michael lies.

“Very well. I think we are done here. Pleasure to meet you boys. We will be in touch.”

 

Michael and Jeremy walk Ms.Chase to the door and she exits the home. As Michael shuts the door his grip on Jeremy tightens. When they hear her car drive away, Jeremy rolls down Michael's sleeve reading what the word above his elbow says. It reads: CREEPS. “Jeremy...I-”

 

Jeremy sighs. “Mikey, you promised. You said you’d tell me.” Jeremy feels hurt, and more than a little bit betrayed. “You can’t keep doing this, Mikey. It’s in the past.” He looks into Michael’s chocolate brown eyes. “Do you know how much this hurts me? I can’t just sit idly by and watch you do this to yourself. I’ve done that too many times before, and I am never going to do it again.” He drops Michael’s arm. “You promised.”

 

A wince immediately comes out of Michael. “I didn't mean to! But I never do...I did promise, I did.” Michael watches Jeremy walk away from him and is too shaky to follow him. “Jeremy, I know it hurts you. It's not like I enjoy it! I don't..” Michael's breath hitches. He doesn't know what to say. Jeremy keeps walking. It breaks Michael. He slides his back down the wall and looks at the six letters. “Jeremy...I just…” Michael buries his face in his hand. “The last time I did it was because of that THING IN MY HEAD! AND I JUST DIDN'T WANT THAT! SO I DID IT WHILE YOU WERE AWAY AND I WAS PANICKED!” Michael's crying now. “WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING?” He hears Jeremy stop walking.

 

Jeremy whirls around. He normally doesn’t shout, but he’s so done right now. “TO FIND SOMEONE I CAN ACTUALLY TRUST! YOU SAID YOU’D TELL ME AND YOU DIDN’T! YOU KEPT A SECRET FROM ME FOR FOUR FUCKING MONTHS, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO REACT?” He knows he’s hurting Michael even more, but right now, he doesn’t care. “I CAN’T DEAL WITH THIS IF IT’S ALL ONE SIDED AND YOU BREAK YOUR PROMISES!” He turns back around. He needs a drink, but their alcohol isn’t there anymore. Instead, he storms out of their front door and out into the daylight. The door slams behind him.

 

Michael can't move. It's simple as that. His legs start vibrating, and he can't go after Jeremy... the last time he went after Jeremy... Michael gets up and feels his world and turn and falls against the wall. He can't let Jeremy just walk out like this. He opens the door and his anxiety kicks Michael with a headache, but his heart over powers it. Michael runs out the door and grabs Jeremy. “This isn't one sided Jer. I didn't tell you cause I was scared of this, scared you'd react like this. You... Jeremy, this is anything but one sided! I've loved you since we were kids! You are everything to me! You were my SQUIP and I love you! I don't even care what that awful computer did!” Michael has a tight grip on Jeremy as his legs tremble beneath him. “I fuckin love you, Jeremiah, if I didn't I wouldn't have come after you, I wouldn't be living in this house with you, I wouldn't be standing here! I wouldn't be going through the process to adopt a child with you!” Michael's crying. “Jeremiah! I love you. Can't you get that through your thick skull? The only reason I ever do this is because I'm afraid you don't!”

 

Jeremy stands there, just staring at Michael. He looks down, running his hands through his hair. “Michael, I do love you. I’m just terrified that one day you won’t say anything and you’ll go too far and leave me alone. I’m scared of losing you, and I feel like secrets mean that I’m already losing. You’re the thing that gets me through the day. You literally are my other half.” He hates seeing Michael cry. He pulls Michael close to him. “And don’t say you don’t care what the fucking SQUIP did. If you didn’t, it wouldn’t be carved into your skin, Mikey.”

 

“I just...I just..” Michael drops to his knees feel them scrape on the sidewalk. “When I have an attack and you're not here I worry you won't come back to me. And...when you do I get so scared of what I've done. What I didn't mean to do.” Michael sits down completely feeling the cuts burn his knees. “I'm so, so, so, sorry.” Michael cries into his knees. “I...I just...i just..” Michael tries to explain, but his throat feels tight. His ribs pull on his muscles every time he breathes.

 

Jeremy kneels next to Michael. All his anger is gone, replaced by pure concern. “Let’s get you inside before people start staring.” He says, glaring at a couple walking by across the street. They quickly move away. “Mikey, I promise, I’m always going to come back to you.” He says, helping Michael to his feet. “I’m always going to be here for you.” Luckily, they’re only a little bit away from their door, and Jeremy gets Michael inside. As soon as they’re in and Michael’s on the couch, Jeremy continues talking. “As long as it’s in my power, I’m coming back to you.”

 

“I…” Michael just can't speak. He takes off his glasses and pockets them. He rips off his sweatshirt revealing his geeky t-shirt and rolls up the sleeve on the right shoulder. “I'm a freak Jeremy!” Michael stares at the scars. ‘CREEPS’ and ‘loser’ and the big one on the back of his shoulder. “How can you love a freak like me? A loser! A creep...a...a…” Michael loses his breath control. He looks to Jeremy absolutely helpless.

 

Jeremy takes Michael’s hands in his. “This does not make you a freak.” He gestures at the scars. “This does not make you a loser. This makes you human. This makes you Michael Heere, and I wouldn’t trade a single part of you for anything else on this planet. Because everything about you is so wonderful. I love every single part of you, from your head,” he kisses Michael’s forehead, “to your face,” he kisses Michael’s cheek, “to your tattoo and your scars. Because every single part is totally, wholly you.”

 

Michael tries to take a deep breath. His lungs let the air out too quickly. “I...love...you.” Michael chokes out. “So...fuckin…much.” Michael's vision is so blurry. The tears and no glasses are a terrible combination. He brings his shaky hands to touch Jeremy's cheeks. He strokes his thumb back and forth. 

 

Jeremy catches Michael’s hands in his, then reaches out to brush away his tears. “It’s going to be okay. We’re going to be fine.” Jeremy sits next to Michael on the couch and leans his head on his shoulder. “We just need to take it slow for a while. Take a break from worrying and pain and just enjoy life. We can worry about adoption and scars and jobs in the morning. Until then, let’s just enjoy each others company.” 

 

The glasses are secured back onto to Michael's face. He sniffs and nods to agree with Jeremy, still having trouble breathing. He takes about ten minutes and his panic attack releases him. He looks up at Jeremy. “I'm sorry though. And I love you so much.” Michael mumbles with his voice hoarse. His vocal chords are slathered with tears. “What should we do though? We can't just stay like this, can we?”

 

“Don’t be sorry, I love you too. We could stay like this. I wouldn’t mind.” Jeremy says, playing with Michael’s hair. “Anything you want to do, I’ll be up for.” He smiles. “We can just sit here, we could play video games, we could watch a movie. We have almost a whole afternoon to ourselves.”

 

“Could we just watch Star Wars? Or Harry Potter? Or both? Just some movies? You and me. A bowl of popcorn and some blankets.” Michael asks like an excited little kid and rubs his eyes. “Like we would after our last exam during college?” Michael questions feeling nostalgic. Jeremy nods. Michael grabs a bunch of blankets and makes a blanket fort as Jeremy makes popcorn and Michael grabs all the movies. “HP or A New Hope?” Michael asks, as Jeremy comes to kneel in the entrance of Michael's newly built fort. Michael smiles but stops remembering what Jeremy had yelled at him only moments ago. “You don't trust me?”

 

Jeremy sits cross-legged on the floor next to him. “I trust you, just not your building skills.” He nudges Michael lightly, putting the bowl between them. He smiles slightly. They’re 24 years old, with jobs, going to be adopting a child, and they’re sitting in a blanket fort like they’re 5. He doesn’t mind. “And definitely both, but let’s start with Harry Potter. It’s what we started with freshman year, remember?”

 

Hesitantly, Michael drops the Star Wars, moving but doesn't break eye contact with Jeremy. He puts in the movie and still feels off. Even as the movie stars he stops and looks at Jeremy. “Okay, but then why did you say that?”

 

Jeremy pauses the movie and sighs. “You had just told me you lied to me and broke our promise. In that moment, I believed what I said. I was angry and hurt and scared and it just came out.” He runs his hands through his hair. “It was not what I believe now. I promise.”

 

Michael gives a very audible sigh. “It's always hurt and scared and a third emotion when it comes to us, isn't it? But...no I did break a promise. You've broken promises too Jer. All I ever do is worry. I never get angry with you! I never shout at you because I know it hurts. When trust breaks, so does a relationship. So what the fuck is happening with us? And don't you dare play that movie. Cause now I'm thinking...I love you Jeremy, but if you can't trust me? If your answer every time I fuck up is to walk out the door? What happens the day I don't get up to stop you from walking away?” Michael is making intense eye contact. “Cause I almost couldn't today Jeremy, but I was so worried you wouldn't come back...what the fuck am I supposed to do when you leave me bawling and you're just angry? Tell me, Jeremy! How do I fix it?”

 

Jeremy tries to maintain eye contact but drops his gaze. “I just can’t control my emotions. I never mean to hurt you, I love you, but whenever I feel something it feels like there’s just room for one emotion. I want to trust you, and normally I do, but my fear and anxiety just eats away at it until I lash out.” He clenches his fists.

 

“Jeremy! At least I don't hurt myself in front of you.” Michael takes Jeremy's hand quickly to stop Jeremy from carving crescents with his nails. “I know you don't mean to hurt me. That's why we came up with the whole promise in the first place.” Michael tilts Jeremy's head up so Jeremy can look into his eyes. “Okay? You have to talk me. And…I always want you to be able to trust me. Even if I...when I...When...when I don't deserve it. You have to tell me things and so do I.” Michael sighs. “Please...want to trust me? Is it just me or do you feel like there's something between us? Why...what is going on? I feel like the past four months of our lives have been rushed. My mom died! I work at a video-game company! It's been 37 days 18 hours 2 minutes and 58 seconds since I've smoked! We have more Mountain Dew red than ever! We haven't played video games in 56 days! What...what has happened?”

 

“We’re growing up, Mikey. Adulthood has finally started. We’re starting a family.” Jeremy says, just realizing it himself. “I… don’t know if I like it. It’s different, but sort of… right. I’ve wanted this but I don’t know if I’m ready to let go.” Jeremy looks down. “Not of you, I’m never going to let go of you.” He squeezes Michael’s hand. “I mean letting go of, I don’t know, childhood.”

 

“Yeah...but our childhoods were hell, Jer!” Michael realizes. “It left us both with scars that are both physical and emotional. You have circuits on your back. I have a scarred right arm. I developed social anxiety in high school, you just... you really went through hell. I blocked things out with headphones.” Michael sighs. “Do you ever wonder if we are ready for this? Responsible for another life? I know we both want this...but don't you still have doubts? Don't you miss..it all? Everything? I always said everything's fine as long as I have you but if I feel my grip slip on you...and everything's changing?”

 

“My childhood also left me with you. I may not have liked it, then or now, but it’s all I know. Because freaking out is my okay.” He looks back up at Michael. “I think… I think that if we can figure this out, we are ready for this. Figure this out together. We’ll never be perfect, but we can always try.”

 

“You are the definition of perfect, Jeremy.” Michael moves a chestnut curl out of Jeremy's face. “You basically just said you don't like being left with me but I'm guessing that's not what you meant so instead of letting you hurt me again I'm gonna do this instead.” Michael grabs Jeremy's face and pulls him into a tender kiss hooking his lip in between Jeremy's not wanting anything to slip out of his grasp. He doesn't want to ruin this moment. He doesn't want anything to touch it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy father’s Day everyone! I planned on posting a chapter weekly just like last time but since it’s father’s Day? I suppose I can make an exception. I was totally not listening to the BOYF RIENDS playlist I made on my Spotify while listening to this.... pfft. Okay, yes I was.  
> Hope you guys enjoyed!!!! See you next post, and enjoy the angst. Next chapter you’ll meet the smol bean.  
> ~PlayerOneMell


	3. Player Three Enters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Faye Heere makes an entrance into the story and changes Michael and Jeremy’s lives.

So time passes. Months. So came the next big step in the adoption process. Michael is fidgeting with his hair and pacing again. It's how Michael's learned to cope with stress without using drugs. Pacing. Walking back and forth. He knows it can make Jeremy nervous but it's all Michael can do. He puts his hand on the back of his head as his pacing get faster.

 

“Michael, I know you’re worried, but can you just sit down?” Jeremy says, his foot tapping on the floor anxiously. “They’ll be arriving any minute now.” Their first foster kid. Their first foster child is coming, today. Jeremy takes a shaky breath. After today, there would be a little girl living in their house. “We’ll be fine, Mikey.”

 

In that moment, Michael breaks. He kisses Jeremy fast and quick, but then he's sitting on the floor freaking out. “Okay, that promise? I need to unburden.” Michael remembers the promise more clearly than ever in that moment. “Cause I'm totally freaking out.” Michael can see how fast his chest is moving. He's not even looking at Jeremy. “What if we aren't ready for this at all? I know! I know, this is my anxiety talking but suddenly I feel like I can't do this.” Michael turns around and looks at Jeremy, in the eyes. He sees something in Jeremy's eyes that's artificial. It's like a zap of electronic blue. Not the normal electric blue, SQUIP blue. Michael knows it's his anxiety, but he feels like the helpless twenty-two year old with gashes in his arm again. “I can't, I can’t, I can't, I can’t.” Michael starts pulling at his own hair. Of all the times to have an anxiety attack, this is not a good one. Michael fears of seeing more SQUIP like qualities in Jeremy if he looks at him, remembering what his SQUIP version of Jeremy looked like too clearly. “I can't, I can't. I'm not ready. I'm scared. I can't, I can't.” Michael is basically losing his mind by now. His head is in his knees, his hands are pulling at his hair, he's staring at the ground, his eyes are closed super tightly, nothing could pull his eyelids apart, and his breathing is audible.

 

Jeremy's by Michael's side in a flash. "Mikey, it's going to be okay. We're going to get through this." He's kneeling next to Michael. He lifts Michael's head until their eyes meet. "You can do this. I believe in you. We'll be alright, and it's only a foster. It's nothing permanent unless we want it to be." He takes Michael's hands out of his hair and holds them in his. "I'll be right here the entire time. We can do this together."

 

It feels permanent to Michael. Everything is changing so fast. “I'm... I’m not ready. Jeremy, make it stop.” Michael's veins are burning. They burn as he looks into Jeremy's eyes. His anxiety has done the absolute worst thing it can... remembering the fake SQUIP Jeremy that no longer exists. Michael twitches. He closes his eyes again trying to forget. “I can't...I'm seeing things that aren't real.” He knows how confusing that sounds but hoping Jeremy will understand.

 

Jeremy winces. He hates seeing Michael in pain. “I’m here, this is really me, Mikey. I promise.” He laces his fingers through Michael’s. “See? I’m touching you. It’s me. I’m not a SQUIP.” He kisses Michael. “I’m Jeremy. Please open your eyes, Mikey.” Jeremy’s starting to get a little scared. “I know how it feels, and it’ll go away if you just open your eyes and look at me.”

 

Because Michael's not on his drugs anymore the doctors warned him he could have a severe attack. It hadn't happened so Michael thought it wouldn't... but boy, was he wrong. Michael knows no matter what he’ll get worse without his easy remedy. Michael opens his eyes and feels his body go cold. Jeremy's eyes are icy, not the oceanic scene they normally are. “Jeremy?” Michael says, trying to keep in focus. He blinks hard again, the reality seems harsh and cruel to Michael, he is living in his head. So instead, he takes off his glasses making every blurry. He pulls Jeremy close to him.

 

Jeremy wraps his arms around Michael. “I’m right here, Mikey.” He says into his hair. He can feel how cold Michael is. “I promise, I’m here, I’m me.” Jeremy holds him as close as he physically can, trying to prevent anything further to happen.

 

“Okay.” Michael breathes the word out. He takes a deep breath. “I'm sorry.” Michael keeps his eyes open but it's not like he can see shit. His ribs are still shaking but he reaches down and finds the glasses. He slips them on and he grabs Jeremy's face and looks at him. It's Jeremy. Jeremy and his deep ocean blue eyes. “Oh my God.” Michael sighs. Every breath still feels like poison. He keeps his gaze on Jeremy.

 

Jeremy catches Michael’s hands, holding them there. “Don’t be sorry. It’s going to be alright.” He smiles at Michael. “I love you, Mikey. I’m never, ever going to become that. Whatever you saw, it wasn’t me, never will be me.” He pulls Michael’s hands down and sweetly kisses them. “I promise.”

 

“It's one of the scariest things in the world watching your ocean blue eyes grow cold and electric like when you optic nerve blocked me or left me in the bathroom or when I saw you as my SQUIP.” Michael sighs. He takes a few deep breaths “Sometimes I think about all the things we said to each other in that hospital room. Despite the fact it was one of the shittiest nights of our lives it was nice just to spend time and talk to you like that. I think about it, and I think if we got through that, why can't we get through this? And suddenly I'm thinking we've made a bad decision and this is all wrong. Like we aren't ready for this at all. Like that night was supposed to go differently... like this isn't real.”

 

“But it didn’t go differently, and this is real. We’re here.” Jeremy grins. “We’re also Heeres. I know we don’t get much time to talk, but I’ll make time for you. We can definitely get through this.” He squeezes Michael’s hands. “Just like we always say- Life’s a two player game. We’re just adding a player three.”

 

“I know. A game changes with a third player. Your screens are smaller and there's always more enemies it's how the game generates, we've known that for awhile. I can confirm that it's true. I did that code for a game the company is developing. Anyways, I'm scared.” Michael looks into Jeremy's eyes to make sure they're still an ocean. “Our lives are changing. And I don't know if that's a good thing. All the changes in our lives have been bad for almost two years now. Death, scars, walking, memory loss, night terrors, hospitals, and more! But you know what is good? We got married. That's all I've got. And you. I've got you. How do we know if this is good? How do we know if this is going to be okay?”

 

“Maybe it’ll be a little different. But we’ll figure it out. We always do.” Jeremy gives a small smile. “I know you’re scared, but we can do this.” He leans forward and kisses Michael sweetly. “There’ll be some days where we think we can’t, but we’ll always be able to, together.” Jeremy hears a car pull up, then a door opening and closing. The doorbell rings. He leans back and stands, holding out his hand to Michael. “Let’s go meet our possible future daughter.”

 

Michael stares at the extended hand in pure fear. His eyes shift to Jeremy. Michael is struck with pure fear. No anxiety attached. Just **fear**. “Lets fucking do this.” Michael sighs swearing one last time before that luxury is taken away from him along with all his other addictions. He takes Jeremy's hand but can't bring himself to his feet. He's still got quite some fear left in him. He attempts to let it out in a deep breath. He stands up and kisses Jeremy quickly. It was more of a passionate kiss, and it wasn't soft. It was hard and intense kiss. Something Michael has never really done before. “I love you, Player two.”

 

Jeremy blinks in surprise. “I love you too.” He grins at Michael, lacing their fingers together again. “Let’s do this.” He heads to the front door to open it. He glances at Michael, then swings the door open. Ms. Chase stands there, about to ring the doorbell again. “Hello, Ms. Chase!” Jeremy says. He looks down at the little girl by Ms. Chase’s knees, and lets go of Michael’s hand to crouch to look at the girl. “This must be Faye.” He says, smiling. The girl peers out from around Ms. Chase’s legs, her brown eyes wide behind her circular glasses frames. Jeremy feels his heart melt. They look so much like Michael’s.

 

Michael decides it's better for him to stay silent in fear of slurring his words together. After his panic attacks Michael's usually silent, he's sure Jeremy will understand. But then Michael looks down at the girl. His heart seems to swell a bit. Besides her two dark colored braids this girl reminds Michael of a little Jeremy. Considering she's the same age Michael met Jeremy, Michael's almost not surprised. The girl looks up at Michael and Michael smiles and waves, staying silent. She’s got freckles, just like Jeremy.

 

Jeremy holds out a hand. “I’m Jeremy, and this is Michael. We’ll be taking care of you, okay?” The girl nods, silent, but she gives a small smile. Jeremy looks up at Michael, he can’t stop grinning. His brain is only thinking one thing- she’s so adorable. He stands and turns to Ms. Chase. “Is there any more paperwork we need to fill out?” Ms. Chase shakes her head.

“No, you guys are good to go! We’ll be checking up every two weeks or so on how she’s doing.” Ms. Chase says. Jeremy nods. Then he sees the one small suitcase the girl is pulling behind her. Is that all she has?

 

“Thank you Ms. Chase.” Michael responds with a shaky voice. He almost wants to take back the words. His tongue feels so stiff, like it doesn't belong in his mouth at all. He looks at Jeremy who looks positively excited. Michael smirks. “Have a nice day Ms. Chase.” Michael shakes her hand as Faye steps into the house the door shuts. And there's silence for about five seconds. “Hi Faye, would you like to see your room?”

 

Faye nods, her grip tightening on her suitcase handle. Jeremy is reminded of how Michael almost never talked when they were little, except to him. Then he remembers he was the same way. He gives a small smile, looking at Michael. He remembers trying to figure out what to do with it- Michael was very adamant against making it too girly. “We’ll take your things up, then we can start on dinner. You hungry?” Faye’s eyes light up, but she still looks shy. Jeremy’s gone. This little girl is already his second favorite person for being so goddamn adorable.

 

Michael takes the lead. Faye follows him, Jeremy behind her. Michael doesn't feel so scared anymore. This kid reminds too much of Jeremy and himself. Faye walks into the room and seems to fall in love with it. Sure, it's not completely girly but it still is for a girl. Faye looks at the bed, Michael laughs. “We only had pac-man sheets I'm sorry if you don't-” Michael's cut off. Faye flops on the bed. Michael thinks he's going to lose it. A girl who's into pac-man? A girl who doesn't listen to gender roles? The kid is wearing a princess peach t-shirt anyways, he should've known. Michael looks to Jeremy and smiles. This has to be their kid.

 

Jeremy gives a grin. “Can you keep an eye on her while I get some food ready?” He asks Michael. He notices how Michael’s seemed to relax, and he’s so glad. He was hoping this would help, but wasn’t sure. He’s still not sure if he should leave them alone just yet, Michael did just get over an anxiety attack. Jeremy sees Michael’s nod, and kisses his cheek. “Bring her down when all her stuff’s put away.”

 

Faye looks confused at Michael as Jeremy leaves the room. Michael realizes there's a lot of stuff this kid doesn't know... like being gay or bi sexual like him and Jeremy are. “Want some help unpacking?” Michael says looking at his player three. She nods. Michael helps her unpack and talks to her a bit about some house rules. Including: where she's going to go to school, what to call him and Jeremy, and some other normal rules. “Wanna head downstairs?” Michael asks. The girl nods. Michael notices her glasses frames. They're circular. It's almost not right. He's probably going to buy her different frames, squares are a lot better. They head downstairs, Faye walking a little closer to Michael now. As Michael stops in the kitchen Faye is right next to his leg.

 

Jeremy’s standing at the stove, making macaroni and cheese- that’s children’s food, right? He hears Michael behind him and turns. “There’s juice in the fridge-” He notices how close Faye is to Michael and his grin widens. They seem to have bonded very well. He turns back to the stove. Then he feels a small tug on his cardigan sleeve. He looks down. “Yeah?” He asks Faye. Faye looks up at him, and speaks to Jeremy for the first time. She’s very quiet.

“Are you and… Tatay a couple? Like…” She looks like she’s trying to think of the right words. She eventually gives up and just makes her hands into two ducks and puts them together like they’re kissing.

Jeremy glances at Michael. “Um… yes. We’re actually married.” He’s slightly worried. Faye’s face brightens in a grin.

“I didn’t have a daddy before, but now I have two!” Jeremy laughs at how cute she is.

 

Michael smiles when he hears Faye call him Tatay. It's Filipino for..well, daddy. His parents didn't ever make Michael speak Filipino but Michael taught himself with his grandmother’s help. He's fluent now, and wants to know his child knows where he came from. Didn't have one before does strike Michael a little bit remembering the information he'd read on Faye just yesterday. The agency wants you to know your kid a bit, or something. “Yeah..” Michael sighs. Then he remembers something rather important. Faye is a rather small child. He can't remember if him and Jeremy agreed they'd use their names when speaking to each other. So Michael holds his tongue and waits for one of the other two to speak instead.

 

Jeremy turns back to the pot of water, which is almost boiling on the stove. “Mikey, can you grab the pasta from the cupboard?” He says. He keeps an eye on Faye, making sure she doesn’t get in the way. She’s so small. Jeremy wonders if she’ll grow up to be tall like them. As it is, she’s barely up to his mid-thigh.

 

Michael's worries seem to only get worse, but he keeps in the back of his mind. Michael grabs the pasta and helps Jeremy a bit. He looks down at his girl... that's something he never thought he'd think. Being a gay man, Michael thought calling someone his girl was impossible. He also never thought him and Jeremy would ever cook together considering all Michael can cook is a Filipino dish that Jeremy's not a fan of... maybe Faye would like it.

“So Daddy, your name is Jeremy? And Tatay, your name is Michael? What's our last name?”

Michael stops. Our? “It's Heere. H-e-e-r-e.” Michael spells it.“My last name was Mell but I took Jeremy's last name when we got married.” He looks at Faye’s braids. He realizes that him and Jeremy don't have hair experience. They don't know how to braid, Faye would have to learn for herself.

 

“Heere.” Faye says, like she’s testing it out. It seems to be to her satisfaction, because she nods.

Jeremy grins, getting out three bowls. “Michael, can you help Faye sit down?” When he’s dished out the food, he turns around and can’t help but laugh. Their chairs are too far from the table, which is now at eye level for her. “We’ll have to buy a chair for you later, or a pillow. For now, we could, um…” He looks to Michael.

 

Michael thinks, and he has to think quick. This is why Michael should not be forced to do shit after an anxiety attack because he can feel his tears in his throat. This is why his sister is a lawyer and not him.“You could kneel?” Michael looks at Jeremy leaking the concern out by the look on his face. “Or... we could have dinner in the living room.” He shrugs.

 

Jeremy winces. “Let’s eat in the living room, okay? We’ll go shopping tomorrow.” Over Faye’s head, he mouths ‘Sorry’.He hands the bowls to Michael and helps Faye down from the chair. Jeremy takes Michael’s elbow. “You good?” He whispers, feeling worried. “I can take over if you need a minute.” He doesn’t want to leave either Michael or Faye alone, but also doesn’t want the little girl to witness Michael’s anxiety so early.

 

Michael wants to shake it off, he does, but he just can't. He shakes his head. “Jeremy, I can't eat. I know you hate when I skip meals, but can I please? I will eat later, I promise. I just can't right now.” There are tears in Michael's eyes as he keeps his voice low. “Yeah... I need a minute. I'm sorry.”

 

Jeremy nods and kisses Michael’s cheek. “Love you.” He takes his and Faye’s bowls from Michael. “Faye?”

The girl looks up at him. “We’re going to go watch cartoons, okay?” Jeremy says, leading Faye into the living room. He turns on the television, praying Michael or himself didn’t leave it on anything not suitable for a child. He sighs in relief when it’s just the news. He flicks through the channels until he finds the cartoons. Faye is already seated cross-legged in front of it, looking at it in awe. It occurs to Jeremy that she might not have watched much. She was up for adoption, and from the information the adoption agency gave them, she didn’t come from a very loving or rich family. He leaves the television on, keeping an eye on the door for Michael. All he wants to do is go after him, but he can’t leave Faye alone.

 

Michael stays in the kitchen, but everything that could possibly go wrong inside him is. He doesn't want Jeremy to hear him so he hides in the stair case that leads to the basement and closes the door and sits on the stairs. He walks down to the basement and paces a bit letting all his extra anxious feeling out and letting his tears fall freely. He gives it just a few minutes, so Jeremy doesn't get too worried, then wipes away his tears. He puts his shaking hands in his pockets and walks upstairs and into the living room. “Sorry about that, call from work.” He lies.

 

Faye is too engrossed in the screen to really react. Jeremy looks up, fork still in his mouth, and notices the remnants of Michael’s tears. He nods to the couch next to him. When Michael sits down, Jeremy puts his bowl down and hugs Michael tightly. “Are you sure you’re okay?” He asks quietly.

 

Michael feels a shake trill down his left arm and a tensing in his heart. It's just stress. He's twenty-four, no way in hell he is having a heart attack, even though that's what it feels like. Michael's had stress like this before, and is positive he can handle it. Michael nods. He knows something's wrong with him, but doesn't want to worry Jeremy. “I'm sorry about that... just some extra stuff from earlier. I'm okay.” Michael lies to his husband.

 

Jeremy kisses Michael’s forehead. He’s pretty sure Michael is lying, but he doesn’t push it. He quickly finishes his food, getting up to put both his and Faye’s bowls in the dishwasher. When he comes back, Michael’s watching the screen almost as intently as Faye. Jeremy smiles, remembering Michael as a kid. He’s pretty sure Faye is literally Michael’s kid, judging by how they’re both obsessed with Transformers. He settles back down next to Michael.

 

It was a basic night for the Boyfs, and their new player three. Then came bedtime. Tucking in a kid is new, but Michael kind of enjoys the process. By the time the boys get to bed, Michael's anxiety is mostly dead, but something is poking at his ribs. He stays close with Jeremy until he hears his cute little snores. Then Michael slowly pries himself off of Jeremy. He kisses his cheek and goes to the basement and plays video games. It's late at night... well, very early morning. He's playing Apocalypse of the damned until he hears footsteps behind him. He turns to see Faye and quickly shuts the game off, remembering Jeremy not wanting this game near their child. “Faye, honey, is everything alright?”

 

Faye looks down at her feet. She holds one of the only things she brought that isn’t clothes- a small plush bear. “Bad dreams.” She says quietly. She glances up at Michael, pushing her glasses up her nose. “Daddy was asleep so…” She shrugs. “I heard noises.”

 

“Sorry, I don't normally do this.” Michael looks at Faye. He looks at the time. It's five am. Michael clearly isn't sleeping. “Do... you maybe want to play? I have pac-man. It might be the only game I have that we can play together. It might help you sleep... might help me sleep. What do ya think Faye?” Michael asks, presenting Jeremy's bean bag to her.

 

Faye gives a small smile. She sits on the bean bag, her legs crossed. “Yeah. I used to play at my mom’s one boyfriend’s house. His sons were pretty nice.” She shrugs. “He wasn’t though.” It seems to be the most she’s said yet. She looks down at her stuffed bear.

 

“Oh.” Michael says, handing Faye the controller without a finicky joystick. He grabs pac-man and puts it in the console and turns the tv back on. “Well let's see if you're any good player three..” Michael looks at Faye. “Sorry, Jeremy and I are player one and two. I mean.. your dad and I. We just figured you'd be player three.” Michael smiles as he starts the game.

 

“It’s okay.” Faye takes the controller, tucking her feet underneath her. She keeps glancing at Michael’s controller, trying to remember how to play. Eventually she just gets up from the beanbag and sits next to Michael. Together, they avoid ghosts and eat pellets. They eventually beat the level, and Faye squeals in delight.

 

Michael looks down and smiles. Faye looks exhausted. “Okay, maybe it's time you get to sleep.” Michael puts the game back on the menu as Faye leans into him. Faye falls asleep right by Michael's side. Michael debates whether or not he should play something or not. Instead, he falls asleep with Faye cuddling next to him.

 

Jeremy blinks up at the ceiling, seeing the light filtering through the curtains. He yawns, turning over to where Michael sleeps. It takes him a moment to realize that he isn’t there. Jeremy sits bolt upright. “Mikey?” He hopes that he just woke up first. Jeremy stands, running his hand through his hair. He makes his was over to Faye’s room. The sheets are in a ball at the foot of the bed and Faye is gone. Jeremy can’t help but start to freak out. He runs downstairs, but sees neither Michael nor Faye. Then he notices that the door to the basement is open. He hopes Faye didn’t fall down the stairs. He heads downstairs, preparing for the worst, but smiles. Michael’s asleep on his beanbag, Faye curled into his side, Pac-man’s menu on the screen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I meant to post this Friday (yesterday) but I got really busy. Hope you guys are enjoying. I love the little girl very much. Faye made her way into both mine and my co-author’s hearts as we created her. The name was hard to come up with but I discovered it awhile ago. She and I just agreed it fit the name of Michael and Jeremy’s daughter. More to come soon! Sorry if there’s typos, tried to catch them all.  
> ~ PlayerOneMell
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter!! I love Faye more than myself honestly, and I hope you guys do too! Also, apologies for any inconsistencies in the adoption process- we both have a limited knowledge of it, but we’re trying to keep it as realistic as possible! See you next post.
> 
> ~ PlayerTwoHeere


	4. The First Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first day with Faye welcomes anxiety and an unwanted visitor.
> 
> ((All texts are in [] brackets))

Michael's eyes crack open and he smiles at Jeremy and then looks to the clock. He only has two hours of sleep in his system. He whispers to Jeremy “Should we move her?” There's still panic in his husband’s eyes. “You okay, Jer?”    
  
Jeremy sighs in relief. “I just, woke up and you weren’t there, and neither was Faye, and I was worried you disappeared or something.” He runs his hands through his hair, taking a shaky breath. “I’m alright. You just freaked me out a little.” He smiles down at Faye. Her glasses are askew. “We should probably get her to bed. These beanbags are hell on your back. I speak from experience.” He scoops up the small girl, lifting her up. He winces at how light she is. “You coming?” He asks Michael.    
  
Michael nods. “Sorry to scare ya, I couldn't sleep. She had a nightmare and you were asleep dude.” Michael gets up walking with Jeremy as they place Faye in bed Michael kisses her forehead and then grabs Jeremy's hand. “I'm sorry about yesterday, I'm glad we are doing this.” Michael kisses Jeremy's cheek. He still isn't tired. It's rather odd, but it doesn't seem to matter to Michael. He's got a presentation at work anyways. “I actually do feel a lot better now.”    
  
Jeremy smiles up at Michael. “I’m glad you feel better.” He goes on his tiptoes and kisses his cheek. “It’s fine. How long until you have to leave? I’ll be out of the house by two, Faye’s going to the school down the street, which starts at 8:30, so I can wake her in an hour or so. I was just wondering if we could just… spend time together? Play Apocalypse for a bit? We haven’t done that in ages.” Jeremy looks hopefully at Michael.    
  
“Sure. I don't have to get ready for another hour. If you want I can take her to school. Whatever you want to do Jer…I love you.” Michael says.  “Video games is what you want? You're sure?”    
  
Jeremy raises an eyebrow. “I love you too. And considering the other thing I wanted to do that we haven’t done in a while can’t necessarily be done with a five year old in the house, yeah, video games seem great right now.” He grins at Michael, winking. Michael’s face is priceless. Jeremy kisses him quickly while he’s still realizing what Jeremy means. “Come on, Player One.” Jeremy feels like he’s an excited teenager again. He grabs Michael’s hand and pulls him along to the basement.    
  
“I had hope.” Michael jokes. “Keep the sound down. Faye said she can hear the noise...I've missed this.” Michael confesses. He kisses Jeremy. “I miss you.”    
  
“I’m right here, Mikey. But…” He looks down. “I know what you mean. We barely get time to talk anymore, between paperwork and work and everything.” He glances up at Michael, at his beautiful dark eyes. “Let’s make the most of this time together.” He kisses Michael again. He boots up the game, tossing Michael his controller. “Find the bad guy, push him aside.” He says, grinning at the familiarity of the phrase.    
  
“Mmmm...you're too far away still.” Michael puts his arms around Jeremy and slides close. “You know after awhile with Faye we could get someone to watch her and have a date night?” Michael asks. “Considering we keep her.”    
  
“Oh, we’re keeping her. Unless they have to take her away. I like her.” Jeremy says, leaning into Michael. “And that is very true. I think in two weeks or so, Christine’s in town with her theatre troupe. She said she’d love to meet Faye, she seems very excited.” Jeremy looks up at Michael. “Maybe then?”    
  
“I said months but two weeks sounds fuckin awesome! Can we please?” Michael laughs. He lets out a yawn. “I'm so fucking screwed, Jer. I could not sleep. I know that concerns you. Skip a meal. No sleep. And I'm fine! Yeah, I know it sounds nuts. I'm sorry. I was struggling.” Michael keeps looking at the clock, his gaming is clearly off.    
  
“Yeah, we can ask her tonight.” Jeremy smiles at Michael, his eyes flickering back to the screen. Michael yawns and Jeremy pauses the game. “Mikey, you need to take care of yourself. At least eat something before leaving today, alright?” He looks at Michael, concerned. “I know it’s going to be rough, but you need to.” Jeremy puts down his controller.    
  
“Fine... fine I will eat something.” Michael puts down his controller, feeling woozy. “Should I eat something now?” He cocks an eyebrow. He sees the concern in Jeremy. “Okay, now it is.” Michael takes Jeremy's hand. “I feel like every time we try to spend time together I come along and fuck shit up. I'm sorry. I love you. I'll be more careful.” Michael looks at Jeremy, feeling guilty.    
  
Jeremy squeezes Michael’s hand. “That’s not true. Don’t blame yourself for everything.” He smiles. “I’m just a little worried about you. I love you too.” He presses another kiss to Michael’s lips. “It’s okay, we can do this another time. We still have about forty five minutes until we have to wake Faye up.”    
  
“Can we just stay like this? Please?” Michael asks touching Jeremy's cheek. “I can pick up something on the way to work, I promise. Please?” Michael keeps his eyes on his husband feeling the world around him change.    
  
Jeremy sighs, catching Michael’s hand. “Okay.” He gives Michael a smile and moves closer. “I love you so much, Michael. Even when you’re upset, or worried, or angry. I’m so glad you’re in my life, that I get to share all of this with you. You make everything worthwhile, you make me want to live to fight another day, even with everything that’s happened, with these voices in my head. You’re my other half, my Player One. And you’re so goddamn amazing and handsome I can’t bear to see you in pain.” He kisses Michael again. “Just needed to remind you of that.” Jeremy says, looking into his chocolate eyes.    
  
“I love so much, Player Two.” Michael feels his heart melt and there's tears in his eyes. “Okay, I can't be crying before work. It's a big day. New game development. But also a hopeful promotion? I wanna code in Cobol, Jeremy!” Michael keeps his loving look on Jeremy. “And that was sappy as fuck... are you okay? You usually don't get like this unless there's something hurting you.” Michael brings Jeremy somehow closer.   
  
“I’m fine.” Jeremy says. “Just needed to let you know. I don’t tell you that enough.” He gives Michael a smile, but sees the skepticism in Michael’s eyes. His smile slips a bit. “Yeah, okay. I’m mostly fine. My old scars are acting up. Phantom pains, you know? But I’m alright.” His smile’s back.    
  
“Babe, since when?” Michael asks, hugging him. “I know this happens a lot but it's still good to know what that nasty thing is doing in your head in case we need more soda.” Michael comments, realizing Jeremy hasn't needed red in awhile. He looks at the clock. “I need to get ready for work. Talk to me.” Michael says, leading Jeremy upstairs. Working at a big company Michael had to get dressed up for work usually , unless he was working from home, which is common. Coding he can get done from home, but this is not one of those days. “Oh and I love you and you're my player two and my everything. I will write you a rant later. Promise.” Michael's in a hurry but it's obvious that Jeremy is still the first thing on his mind.   
  
Jeremy is sitting on the bed, watching Michael. “It’s only been hurting for maybe three days. It comes and goes, it isn’t constant. I haven’t heard anything for a few months now. Only the occasional nightmare, I swear.” He grins at Michael, who’s trying to tie his bowtie, and not really succeeding. “Come here, let me do that.” He fixes it from where it was lopsided and loose. “There.” He kisses Michael’s cheek.    
  
“Thanks, Jer.” Michael blushes. “Would it be totally paranoid if I asked you to drink red? Just a little bit. Like a shot glass full. It'll make me feel better because I can't be here. You don't have to.” Michael sighs and goes to find a jacket. “Oh, and I know about the nightmares I sleep next to you, Jeremy. I'm there through it all.” Michael grabs a fancier looking jacket, fancier than his normal hoodie. “Ugh, I hate this.” Michael sighs completely. “Oh and I only fell asleep about an hour after Faye so she's going to be tired. She did go to bed before us but she said she had bad dreams.” Michael's hands shake. “I'll start the car.” Michael grabs the keys. “I don't want it to be flipping warm, and look I'm getting better with swearing!”    
  
Jeremy smiles at his dork of a husband. “I’ll do it if you actually go and get breakfast. We’ve still got a little left.” He grins. “I have it under control, Mikey. I’ll be okay. Go get ‘em, you’re going to do great.” He kisses Michael one last time before he leaves, then heads to check on Faye. He hears Michael head down the stairs as he peeks in the door. Jeremy feels his heart melt. Faye’s fast asleep, curled on the bed with her stuffed bear. He shuts the door again. He can still let her sleep for a few minutes, and he promised Michael he’d drink some red. He grabs some from the downstairs fridge, doing exactly as he says- a shot glass. He doesn’t really need it, but it stops Michael from worrying, so he’ll do it. Jeremy downs it, wincing. Even if he doesn’t need it, it still isn’t his favorite thing to drink. He sighs, replacing the bottle and the shot glass. He isn’t even sure it’ll work. It’s physical, and not even really linked to the SQUIP at all. He decides to test it out. He stretches, and pain rips through him, worse than before. Nope, he decides. Doesn’t work.  Jeremy takes a shaky breath, holding himself up by the fridge, wincing. He stands there for a moment, waiting for the pain to subside. Eventually, it turns into just a dull throbbing that he can ignore. He heads back upstairs, making sure not to make sudden movements. He opens Faye’s door again. “Faye?” He asks quietly.   
  
Michael starts the car and returns to the house staying in the doorway. He sees Jeremy head upstairs but he notices how stiff Jeremy's movements are and it scares him. He wants to stay but knows he can't. Michael takes out his phone and goes through social media trying to stay as calm as he can. Big presentations, a hurting Jeremy, and a kid.    
  
Faye blinks up at him. She sits up and yawns, rubbing her eyes. She looks around, as if she’s looking for something. Jeremy recognizes that look, he has lived with Michael for almost six years. He hands Faye her glasses, which she takes and slides on. Jeremy smiles at her. “Good morning.” Faye smiles back.    
“Good morning.” She says sleepily. “Can I sleep more?” She asks, and Jeremy feels slightly bad.    
Jeremy sighs. “Sorry, but you have school in 45 minutes. You can sleep in the car later, but for now, you need to get up.” Faye nods, swinging her legs out of bed. “Breakfast first?” Jeremy hopes that if Faye eats, Michael will too. They both head downstairs, Jeremy behind Faye, only taking a second to take a breath before following.    
  
Michael starts picking at his nail polish. “Morning, Faye.” Michael mutters as he sees Jeremy and Faye come down the stairs. Michael bites off one of his nails and squeaks as blood comes out a bit. He wipes it on the inside of his coat.    
  
Faye tilts her head at Michael’s squeak just as she comes in. “Tatay? Are you okay?” Jeremy comes into the room after Faye, still in his sweatpants and shirt from bed. Jeremy gives Michael a look, opening the cupboard to get the cereal for breakfast, but stretches too far, and suddenly the pain is too much, and Jeremy’s biting the inside of his cheek to keep from crying out. He feels his shirt lift in the back and prays neither Faye nor Michael notices.    
  
“I'm just fine just stubbed my finger kiddo.” Michael replies to Faye as he looks directly at Jeremy. Something's wrong with Jeremy, but he can't push. Jeremy's in pain and he knows it. Michael puts his eyes back on the little girl with messy braided hair. “Faye, are you excited for your first day at a new school?” Michael asks, letting Jeremy hide his pain as best he can.    
  
Faye nods, still half asleep. “New school.” She says, a small smile. “No awful people trying to hurt me. I am excited.” She says.    
Jeremy grits his teeth, trying to keep the pain inside. Everything hurts. His eyes squeeze shut, and he makes a final stretch to reach the box of cereal. He puts it on the counter, panting. He hears Faye from behind him. “Why is Daddy’s back glowing?” He can hear the fear in her voice.    
  
Michael does the first thing he could think to do. He spins Jeremy right into him. Jeremy's back is in Michael's stomach. “You squeeze my hand as tightly as you need to and put as much pressure on me to keep you from screaming or crying.”  Michael whispers quickly and then he looks at Faye. “Daddy's back isn't glowing honey, you must still be tired.” Michael feels Jeremy squeeze his hand. “Faye, just go sit down and let me talk to your father?” Michael smiles kindly, trying to trick Faye into thinking Jeremy is fine. If there's one thing Michael did know about his life, he didn't want his kid to know about a SQUIP.    
  
Faye looks like she doesn’t quite believe Michael, but Jeremy gives her a close-lipped smile that anyone who knows him very well would know was forced, but Faye nods, heading back upstairs, hopefully to get dressed.    
  


As soon as she’s gone, Jeremy almost collapses. Michael’s the only thing keeping him from completely falling over. He holds onto Michael’s hand, feeling tears prick his eyelids. “S-sorry, Mikey.” He hears his old stutter and clamps his mouth shut again. Jeremy’s head is pounding, and he hates this. He can’t be vulnerable anymore, he can’t be weak.    
  
As Michael feels Jeremy start to go limp, he holds him up and sees the glowing that Faye saw. “Don't be sorry.” Michael lets it come out in his low voice. He keeps Jeremy close to him. “Jeremy this is going to sound insane but you can't talk.” Michael takes a deep breath, picking Jeremy up completely making sure not to touch where the scars are. “You're going back to bed. I'm driving Faye to school and then I'm coming back here. I will get in my sweatpants and we will figure this out. I love you…. maybe Faye can take the bus.” Michael says carrying Jeremy upstairs, and placing him in bed. “Stay strong, my prince. I'll be right back.” Michael kisses Jeremy's cheek. He kisses Jeremy's hand but Jeremy's grip doesn't loosen. Michael doesn't want to let go until he hears Faye call him from the other room.    
  
Faye’s looking at her shoes in frustration. She’s already wearing the rest of her clothes- a pair of jeans and a new t-shirt, this time just a plain striped shirt. She holds out her sneakers to Michael. “Help?” When Michael takes the shoes from her, she looks down. “Is Daddy okay?”    
  
Jeremy wants to move, but shifting even the slightest bit sends new pain shooting up his spine. All he can do is sit there and stare at either the ceiling or his closed eyelids. All he can feel is pain. He just wants it to stop. He’d hoped it would go quickly, but it doesn’t want to go away. At least there’s no v- Even before the thought is finished, he hears it.  _ You’re so weak, Jeremy. You’re just another one of the pitiful children.  _ This time, he knows the Red won’t help. It’s just some sick reflex. It sounds so real…    
  
Michael swallows his worries and looks at his little girl standing in front of him. He does Faye’s left shoe because Jeremy is always on Michael's left. “Daddy is going to be just fine, don't you worry about it, player three. He just isn't feeling so great. I'll make sure he gets better.” Michael looks into Faye’s eyes, they've got the concern of a little kid. “Really Faye, I'm going to take care of him.” Michael feels sweat come off his forehead and takes off his jacket. He finishes tying the other shoe. He wants to get back to Jeremy but then he feels Faye catch his arm, a sensitive part of his arm.    
  
Faye looks up at Michael, her eyes wide. “Tatay, what are these?” She gestures to the scars. She’s so afraid right now. “Why do you and Daddy hurt so much?” She pushes her glasses back up her nose.   
  
Michael wasn't ready for that question. He looks down at the scars on his arms which he's nearly forgotten about. There they lie ‘CREEPS’, ‘loser’, and thank god Faye can't see Michael's shoulder. Michael takes a deep breath and turns to look at Faye. How does he explain anxiety to a five year old kid? “Daddy and I don't hurt sweetie. We just had a life before. We were kids once too.” Michael looks at Faye, this lie isn't enough. Michael sighs and sits back down. “Daddy and I both have something called anxiety. It can cause unhappy feelings when we do not know what to do. Confusion being one of those feelings. It is not a disease, and you can not catch it.” Faye keeps her gaze on Michael's arms. “Those are tattoos.” He lies. Then he turns his arm over revealing the pacman tattoo. “Like this one.”    
  
Faye shakes her head. Her eyes finally tear away from the scars. She looks down at her feet, kicking them against the bed. “If those are tattoos, are Daddy’s tattoos, too? Why did you send me away? You didn’t hurt him, did you? That’s why I was always sent away by Mommy…” Her shoes stop.    
  
Michael feels fear hit him square in the chest, he needs Jeremy there with him. “Well, Daddy has tattoos as well. I only sent you away because Daddy thought he was going to cry. He didn't want to cry in front of you. Thank you for listening, Faye.” Then Michael answers the next question. “I'd never hurt Daddy and he would never hurt me. We love each other so much. We love you too Faye, and we will never do anything like that.” Michael says then he stands up again putting his jacket back on. “Daddy is okay, and so am I. Now, how about getting to school?” Michael comments, noticing the time.    
  
Faye nods, looking up at Michael. She gets down from the bed. After she grabs her bag, she slips her hand into Michael’s. She doesn’t say anything, just stays completely silent, like last night. She follows Michael out to the Cruiser, glancing back at the door where Jeremy is.    
  
Michael sends Jeremy a quick text in case he needs anything. [ Driving Faye to school, stay strong for me sweetheart. <3 be back soon].  Then he helps Faye into the back seats of the Cruiser and Michael gets in the driver seat. He drives and then he notices Faye's stare out the window. “Faye, any chance you're a fan of music?” Michael asks, looking up at her.   
  
Faye turns to him and shrugs. “I don’t know. I don’t- didn’t listen to it much. Except the radio sometimes, but those weren’t very good.” Her feet are tucked underneath her.    
  
Jeremy hears the text from Michael and reaches for his phone slowly. He eventually grabs it, seeing the text. [ Is Faye okay? I’ll be okay. I don’t have to go to work until two. And wdym be back soon?] It's easier to text than talk. The pain has settled down somewhat, but it still hurts to move.    
  
As they arrive at the school, Michael gives Faye a kiss on the head. “I'll pick you up as soon as school is over, okay?” He sees Faye nod and places another kiss on the head watching her walk into school. So much like younger Jeremy... Michael looks at his phone as he gets back in the car. [ I think I might've scared her. I told you earlier I'm coming home :) It's just a job Jeremy. I'm all ready on my way back :P].  Michael gets in his car and heads back to the house. The very least he can do is check on his husband.    
  
Jeremy fumbles with his phone. [ Mikey, you have that big presentation today. I’ll be fine. Just go to work, you need this promotion] . Even as he types that, Jeremy doesn’t think he’ll be fine, but he’s willing to pretend for Michael’s sake. He starts to worry- if Michael doesn’t get this job, he’ll be heartbroken. Jeremy risks moving again and curls into a ball, his hands covering his ears. His head and back are throbbing so badly he doesn’t even notice the front door, or Michael on the stairs. He thinks he’s alone, and he lets out a whimper. It hurts, so much. His eyes close and it’s back.  _ You’re nothing but a burden, Jeremy. You’re so weak, just let the pain take over and do everyone a favor. You’re not loved, you can’t take care of anyone. Everyone’s broken because of you.  _ __   
  
Michael races up the stairs and sees Jeremy curled in a ball. He texts one of his coworkers.  I'm stuck in traffic. I'll hopefully be there soon.  Michael knows that's probably the best lie to tell. He shoves the phone quickly into his pocket and lays down next to Jeremy on the bed. He takes Jeremy's hands off his ears. “Baby, can you hear me? It's Michael.” Michael says it gently hoping it is loud enough for Jeremy to hear him. “Can you look at me, sweetheart?” Michael asks seeing how much pain Jeremy is in. Suddenly, the fact that he scared Faye doesn't matter to Michael; all that matters right now is Jeremy.    
  
“I’m fine.” Jeremy says. It’s an obvious lie. He hurts so much. “I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine.” He repeats, over and over, his eyes still shut. He can’t look at Michael, he’s scared that his eyes won’t look like his. He’s afraid that this is never going to go away, that it’s just going to keep growing. He’s so scared and he hates it.     
  
“Stop saying that. I know it's a lie.” Michael says, worried that Jeremy won't open his eyes. Michael can see the pain surging through Jeremy and it's slowly breaking his heart. “Jeremy. It's just me in the house. Cry, scream, squeeze my hand until you break it. Just get the pain out.” Michael says, taking Jeremy's right hand with his left. “You don't have to look at me but open your eyes, baby. Please?” Michael's worry is only increasing and he's thinking of not leaving the house at all now.    
  
Jeremy opens his eyes reluctantly. He stares at Michael’s hand in his. He hurts all over but he sees the blood. “Y-you’re bleeding.” He forces out. He wants to close his eyes again but doesn’t think he’ll be able to stay conscious if he does. He squeezes Michael’s hand, but not enough to hurt him. “Mikey, I can’t.” His vision blurs with tears.    
  
“Was bleeding. That's dry blood sweetheart, don't you worry. I bit one of my nails and it went into the nail bed so now it's a little sore is all.”  Michael explains with a sigh. “And can't what? Let the pain out Jer, I'm here to help you.” Michael notices all the Mikey's that Jeremy keeps saying and it's seriously alarming. “Let it out, player two.”    
  
“I can’t do this anymore. It’s gone, but I still think I hear it.” He tightens his grip on Michael’s hand. “I’m afraid I’ll go to work and I’ll have another attack. I’m afraid I’ll just explode. I’m a bomb and I’m going to go off, and everyone in my way is going to get hurt. You and Faye and Christine and Rich and everyone. I’ve already broken almost everyone I love, I can’t break anyone else. I can’t break Faye, but I’m more afraid that she’s already broken.”    
  
Michael can hear his own heartbeat in his ears. He broke Faye just a few moments ago. “You won't break anyone. You didn't break me.” Michael says, sliding a little close to Jeremy but not too close. “And you can just talk things out with me. You don't have to go to work. If you need to, I can go with you to work. I've had attacks at work before, it's okay.” Michael knows he's never told Jeremy that before but doesn't seem to care. It was one time and it's so Jeremy wouldn't worry cause something was going on with Jeremy that Michael can't remember. “And you can't break what's already broken sweetheart. If anyone is going to break that kid, it's me. I might have already…” Michael pauses. “Look, you're not going to break anyone. You won't explode if you let your pain out.”    
  
Jeremy finally looks up at Michael. He sees how much Michael’s worried. “Mikey… I-” His voice cuts off in a whimper. His eyes flicker back to their interlocked hands. “I can’t talk.” He says through gritted teeth. “You need to go, Mikey. I’ll be okay.” He squeezes his hand again. He doesn’t want Michael to see him like this, he knows how much it hurts him.    
  
“You don't have to speak. And I'm not leaving.” Michael looks at the clock. He has five minutes before he really has to leave or he will be not make it in time. But those are five minutes he can spend with his hurting husband. “I still have time. Let me stay. I want to stay. Just a few more minutes.” Michael kisses Jeremy's forehead. “I can talk. I'll tell you anything you want to know. What to you want to know about, Jeremy?” Michael asks keeping his gaze on Jeremy's face.    
  
Jeremy locks his eyes with Michael’s. “What was that about… breaking Faye?” He asks. He tries to focus on Michael’s face, trying to ignore the pain. “You can’t have done anything that bad, right?”    
  
“Un...okay just stay with me, Jer.” Michael says. “So, she calls me into the room to tie her shoes. It's really warm and I make the mistake... of... taking off my jacket.” It pains Michael's heart recalling this memory. “She saw them... creeps and loser. She saw both of them. She asked what they were, why we both hurt so much, if we... if we... if we hurt each other. So I had to explain that our scars are tattoos like the pac-man ones. I explain we... have anxiety. Hard to explain that to a five year old, by the way... and then... I just made sure she knew we loved each other. She said her mom used to send her to her room like that when there some kind of abuse going on... Jeremy, she wouldn't stop looking at my arm. I think she knows what they are. I'm happy she didn't see my shoulder but ...but I'm pretty sure she's afraid of me.” Michael sighs.    
  
“You did what?” Jeremy’s so shocked that he almost completely forgets about the pain. “Michael, she thought you-” His mind is reeling. He knew her mother wasn’t the best person, but he didn’t think it was that bad. Faye is so young, so innocent, and she is probably already traumatized.    
  
“I didn't mean to, I swear. I just didn't think about the fact my scars were there. It's not like she saw the horrific shit that is my legs. I'm sorry about what she saw.” Michael sighs. “She thought I hurt you or you hurt me. Jeremy, she's scared.”    
  
Jeremy sighs. “I’m not upset about that. It was going to happen eventually. I’m upset that she had to go through that. I don’t want her to be scared.” The pain is still there, but it’s just a dull throbbing now.    
  
“I don't want her scared either, but I don't know what I can do about that.” Michael notices Jeremy's looking better and then glances at a clock. “Baby, I have to go. Are you feeling any better?” Michael asks sitting up but still holding onto to Jeremy's hand. “Do you want me to come to your work?”    
  
“I… I should be alright.” He moves slowly, testing it out. No new pain starts. “And… if it isn’t too much trouble? I can pick up Faye, maybe bring her with us? I was sort of planning on bringing her anyways.” He sits up, wincing slightly. He kisses Michael’s cheek. “Go, you need to make it on time. I’ll be okay.”    
  
“I told her I could pick her up Jer, but if you really want to, you can. Let me know if you need anything. I love you, player two.” Michael says, kissing Jeremy on the cheek. “I'll see you when I'm done.” Michael grabs his keys out of his pocket and lets go of Jeremy's hand. “Stay strong for me, sweetheart.” He walks down the stairs and out the door in a complete hurry.    
  
Jeremy smiles, watching Michael leave. He just sits on the bed, completely silent for a minute. He takes a deep breath, hearing the car drive away. The house is  completely quiet for once. He falls back on the bed, thankfully not too hard, and he falls asleep almost as soon as he lays down.    
He wakes up later, his muscles sore. He checks the time on his phone- 1:15. He sits bolt upright. He has fifteen minutes until he has to pick up Faye. He rolls out of bed, trying to frantically fix his hair. He quickly changes and is out the door in five minutes flat. He drives up to the school, thankfully not late. He sees Faye standing there and honks the horn. She looks up and her face brightens. Jeremy gets out of the car, and Faye runs right up to him and hugs his knees. Jeremy laughs, putting her in the car. “Hey Faye! How was school?”    
  
Faye blows a strand of hair out of her face. “School was good.” She replies with a smile. “Daddy, are you okay? Tatay said you were feeling sick.” She asks, noticing that Jeremy doesn't look sick at all. The same fear carries in her voice of when she asked Michael about his scars earlier.    
  
Jeremy hears the fear in her voice and winces. “I’m fine now.” He glances over at Faye. He quickly changes the subject. “I need to go to work, but Tatay’s meeting us there, hopefully. I can get you some food on the way if you’re hungry.”    
  
Faye smiles and Jeremy and then quickly looks out the window. She drags her finger across the glass and draws a smiley face. “I'm a little hungry, but I can wait.” Faye says, then hears her stomach. “Actually Daddy, I never had breakfast so I'm really hungry.” Faye admits.    
  
Jeremy wants to bang his head against the steering wheel. That’s what they’d forgotten. “Sorry about that, Faye. I didn’t either. What are you feeling like eating?” He feels like an awful parent. How could he have forgotten to feed her? Then he realizes that he was trying not to have an anxiety attack or collapse on the floor. Now, he just feels selfish.    
  
Faye shrugs. “Whatever you want is fine.” She sighs. Faye has never really been out to eat before. If she did, she can't really remember. She swings her feet and stares down at them.    
  
It’ll have to be something quick, he has to be at work in twenty minutes. He sees a sign for McDonald’s and pulls into the drive thru. Faye looks very confused. “I thought we were getting food.” Jeremy looks at her.    
“We are. It’s a drive thru.” Faye looks incredulous. Jeremy orders for the two of them, getting Faye a Happy Meal. When they ask if it’s for a boy or a girl, Jeremy looks at Faye and says, “Boy.”    
Faye blinks. “Daddy?” She’s very confused now. What kind of meal has a gender?   
Jeremy smiles. “Trust me, the girl toys are never good. The boys get Transformers toys.”    
“Transformers toy?” Faye doesn’t know what’s going on, but she’s excited. They get their food, and Faye just sits there staring at the Happy Meal box.    
  
Meanwhile, in an office further away Michael sits staring at a computer screen in his new office. It's been one hell of a day. He looks at the photo of him and Jeremy while he's dragging and dropping new code into the project in the correct order. Then he notices the time. He can't leave work, he has to makeup for the time he lost from passing out earlier. He looks at his phone, the lock screen being half of a picture of him and Jeremy. Jeremy has the other half as his lock screen. He sighs but decides not to text Jeremy. He is taking care of Faye, he's sure everything's fine.   
  
Jeremy pulls into the parking lot of the school, Faye in the back seat, playing with a small Optimus Prime figurine. He can’t help but grin in the mirror, looking back at her. “We’re here. There’s going to be quite a few people there, they’re my students. We’re going to be doing a play.” He says, helping Faye out of the vehicle.    
  
  
Faye clings to Jeremy's legs. She's not exactly a fan of new people, or new places. “Daddy, where's Tatay?” She asks, very, super quietly. She looks up at Jeremy still clinging on tightly to Jeremy's pants leg.    
  
Jeremy ruffles her hair. “He should be coming. I’ll send him a message, though.” He pulls out his phone, smiling at his lock screen. He texts Michael. [ Here. Faye’s asking about you. You coming?]  He sends the message. “Look, I know you’re shy, but I promise, my students are nice.” He smiles down at her. “Ready?”     
  
Faye nods but grabs onto Jeremy's hand as they walk into the school. She keeps her eyes on the floor not wanting to look at anyone or see if anyone is looking at her. But as soon as Jeremy reaches his room Faye hides behind his legs again.    
  
Michael receives the text and sighs looking at his computer. [ I'm still at work. Is she okay? I don't think I can make it. I'm very sorry :/.]  Michael looks at the screen of his computer. He has to stay for another hour at the least. Michael fidgets with his wedding ring and then gets back to typing.    
  
The phone buzzes in Jeremy’s pocket. Before heading in, he checks the text. [ She’s okay. Worried about meeting my students.] He frowns, looking down at Faye. “Tatay’s not coming yet. If he is, he’ll be late. Sorry honey.” He squeezes her hand. “Stick by me, okay?” He pushes open the door.    
  
  
Faye hides behind Jeremy as quick as she can feeling whispers from the room. She keeps her stare on the floor and clings to Jeremy's knee cap, hugging it. Then she looks up at all the students and they're all looking at her and she looks directly up at Jeremy.    
  
Of course she is. Michael sends the text and sighs. If only he had listened to Jeremy he could be there with him and his girl right now. [ Sorry I can't be there. :(. I love you. I'll get out of work as soon as I can. <3\. Just making up for lost time right now]. Michael stares at the clock. Just four more levels of code. Just four more and that shouldn't take him long at all. He starts working a little faster still feeling exhausted.    
  
Jeremy gives his students a smile. “Hello, everyone. This is Faye. She’s my foster child.” The entire room is silent. “Do you mind if she sits in for this practice?”    
“She’s so cute-” The one student stage whispers, not so quietly.   
  
Faye looks at the girls in the room. One sits next to the girl who whispered and is waving and smiling at Faye. Faye waves back but holds onto Jeremy tighter. Jeremy's legs might be skinny, but Faye is holding onto his left leg like it's a life preserver. “Daddy?” She looks up at Jeremy.    
  
Jeremy looks down at Faye. “Yes? What do you need?” He crouches by her. “I’m going to need to help them, but I’ll be right here.” He promises. He smiles at her.    
  
“Can I just go sit over there?” She points to a corner. “And play with Optimus prime.” She says showing Jeremy she kept the toy in hand. “At least until Tatay gets here, if he does?”     
  
Jeremy nods, smiling. “Go ahead. I’ll call roll.” Faye heads over to the corner, sitting cross legged. Jeremy pulls his list out of his bag. He knows all the names, he’s been teaching them for about two months now. He just had to take attendance. He knew all the kids names pretty well and finally, all fifteen names were called. Jeremy looks to the corner, keeping an eye on Faye. “Let’s run through Act One.”     
  
Michael sorts out all of the code and submits it through the github to send to his new boss. Getting a promotion is a lot of work, but Michael is still thrilled he got it. He looks at the clock realizing Jeremy's just about done with rehearsal. [ Headed home. :P See ya there handsome.] I must away. Michael pockets his phone and drives home picking up food for himself cause he hasn't eaten all day.    
  
Jeremy sighs happily. The kids are packing up their things and heading out. He checks his texts, responding to Michael. [ Practice went well. Coming home now. Did you mean you’re going to look in a mirror when you get home? ]He smiles at his own joke. His kids were actually relatively good today. Speaking of kids, he looks around, looking for Faye. He finds her in the corner, curled up and wrapped up in a dark purple sweater, fast asleep. Jeremy scoops her up, wondering who’s sweater this is. Who the fuck sweatered his child? He doesn’t want to check, because Faye’s sound asleep. He sighs.    
“Oh, Mr. Heere?” Jeremy turns around, and has to look down. One of his students is standing there. “That’s my sweater. Don’t worry, she can keep it. She’ll get more use out of it, anyways.” They smile, then walks away before Jeremy can respond.   
  
Michael's in the kitchen throwing out his food. His bowtie is completely untied and just sitting on his neck where his headphones usually are. Jeremy walks in but he notices that Faye is asleep and smiles at Jeremy. “Everything go okay?” He whispers. He takes Faye from Jeremy so he can put his stuff down. He kisses Jeremy on the cheek staying quiet.    
  
Jeremy smiles. “It was great. Faye was fine, kept to herself mostly. She fell asleep, one of my students gave her their sweater. Didn’t want it back.” He shrugged, putting down his bag. “No attacks. I kept myself busy.”    
  
“Glad you didn't have an attack. At least, one of us didn't.” Michael sighs. He walks upstairs and puts Faye in her bed and then comes back down to talk to Jeremy. “I got my promotion.” Michael smiles, putting his hands into his pockets. “The presentation went rather well. After the presentation there was a slight.. complication so I lost some time, that's why I had to stay so late. I'm sorry.” He looks at Jeremy. Jeremy looks tried, a bit stressed, but at the same time at peace. Somehow it's still one of the most beautiful things Michael has ever seen.    
  
“It’s alright, Michael.” Jeremy says, smiling at Michael. At this moment, he’s just so content. It feels slightly alien, but so good. “I’m happy for you! You’ve wanted this for ages.” Then what Michael said sinks in, and his mood drops a little, and he starts worrying a little. “Complication? What happened?”    
  
Michael feels his stomach tense. He looks right at Jeremy with a straight face. “Well me, being the dumbass I am, forgot to eat breakfast. So... well after the presentation I.. passed out. No one would tell me for how long which means probably an hour, I'm guessing.” He sighs and looks at the floor. “Guess I should've eaten something, it just didn't run through my mind, I wasn't hungry.”    
  
Jeremy winces. “Michael, you have to eat.” He sighs. “Have you eaten since then? If not, I’m making you eat something right now. And you are going to eat it in front of me, okay?” He says. He raises an eyebrow at Michael.    
  
“I ate something on the way home. I feel like shit, but I ate.” Michael confesses. He looks at Jeremy who's clearly concerned. “It's the truth, you can check the trash. But I ate. If you don't believe me I'll eat something else, not like it makes a difference, I'm still not hungry.”    
  
Jeremy sighs. “I’m just worried about you, Michael.” He goes and sits on the couch. “It’s been almost, what, a year since we started this? It’s finally happening, and I’m worried that either you or I can’t do this. We’ve barely had her in our house for a day and a half, and already you’ve broken down at work, I broke down here, and we may have hurt Faye.” He looks up at Michael. “Can we do this?” It’s the first time he’s really wondered this aloud.    
  
Michael sits next to Jeremy and takes his hands in his. He's never heard Jeremy doubt adoption before. “Of course we can do this Jeremy. It takes adjustment, it takes time. We are going to be just fine. When change comes we are both a little on edge, we will be fine. It just takes some getting used to. As long as I'm here for you, which I am, and you are here for me, we will be just fine.” He holds Jeremy close to him. “We will help her if she's hurt. We can do this, Jer. I can wear long sleeves, we can get you back on anxiety medication if we have to, and I'll…. I'll figure out something. There's an answer to every problem. Okay? We can do this.”    
  
Jeremy looks down. “I want this, you know I want this. But after today, I’m not sure if I can.” He takes a deep breath and laughs quietly. “Funny, now you’re the one convincing me we can do this.” He looks up at Michael. “If you think we can, we can. I’m just still a little shaken from this morning, I guess.”    
  
“That's okay baby. I love you and I believe in us. Wanna go to bed? I'm beat and I wanna cuddle with you. It's been one hell of a day. It's going to be alright.” Michael sighs and kisses Jeremy's cheek. “Tomorrow we get up and fight again. Tomorrow we will do better. Tomorrow everything will be okay, and if it's not? We will take it one step at a time.”    
  
Jeremy smiles, squeezing Michael’s hands. “Alright. I love you too, Michael. Thanks for everything.” He stands, pulling on Michael’s hands, making him stand too. “Wait.” He says, as Michael starts to turn around to head upstairs. When he turns back around, Jeremy grabs the lapels of his suit coat and pulls him down into a kiss, returning the favor from yesterday. He pulls away, face slightly red, smiling shyly. “Just wanted to do that.”   
  
“Damn, Jeremy.” Michael bites his lip. “You're a really good kisser.” Michael's blushing really hard. He makes his way upstairs and changes out of his suit finally and into sweatpants and a t-shirt. “Be honest with me, do you think I need to start wearing long sleeves all the time again?” He asks, Jeremy looking at his scars feeling insecure about himself again.    
  
Jeremy has followed Michael upstairs, and is leaning in the doorway. “Maybe not all the time, but at least until Faye settles in. We can’t risk frightening her again.” He stands, making his way over to Michael. “You should be alright most of the time, though, after that.” He reaches out his hand, covering up the scars. He knows what happens when Michael starts focusing on them too much.    
  
Michael moves Jeremy's hand. “They're there Jeremy, they exist.” Michael suddenly feels awfully insecure and throws on his red hoodie and flops on the bed. “I'm off work tomorrow.” Michael mutters. “I can sit here and try to figure something out because half the time I'm sweating my fuckin ass off with wearing goddamn pants all the time.” He stares at the ceiling. “Why are your scars so much easier to hide? Oh wait, you didn't fuckin cause them.” It's clear just how upset Michael is with himself but he takes a deep breath to calm down.    
  
Jeremy makes his way to the bed. He sees how upset Michael is, and wants to make it better. He leans over him on the bed, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “I know they exist. I also know they aren’t true. So stop telling yourself they are.”    
  
“You're right, I'm sorry. I'm tired. I need sleep.” Michael says quickly not wanting to get into that conversation. He turns off his bedside lamp and takes off his glasses. He gets under the blankets and curls into a ball.    
  
Jeremy gets under the blankets with Michael, wrapping his arms around him from behind. It’s not a common occurrence, Jeremy being the big spoon. He’s not really the comfiest, but he tries. He pulls Michael close to him. “I love you, Michael.”    
  
“I love you, Jeremy.” Michael says quietly. He turns to face Jeremy. He puts one hand in Jeremy's hair and another around his waist. Michael doesn't care if he needs the comfort, he wants to hold Jeremy. Michael kisses Jeremy's head. “Goodnight, Player two.” Michael sighs. The boys slept like that. The next day ran smoothly, and Michael didn't scare Faye for another two months. It was Michael's greatest mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is posted that! Chapter four was giving me some difficulties with editing. A small PSA:  
> In the next chapter, Michael speaks Filipino. I am not 100% fluent in the language. If I did something wrong, correct me. Questions on it? Comment. Do NOT put it through google translate because it will not translate correctly. I know because the co-writer on this tried to put through google translate. I just ended up translating for her. Michael eventually says everything in English anyways. 
> 
> Thank you for reading this chapter!  
> ~ PlayerOneMell


	5. Michael Gets High

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael gets high and there’s lots of confessions. 
> 
> (TW: small bit of eating disorder)

Michael comes home to what he thinks is an empty house, but doesn't know cause his vision is slathered with tears. He grabs something his mouth hasn't touched in forever and a half... a joint. Michael sits on a counter in the kitchen and smokes the joint with delight. It's a sigh of relief for him really. Then the worse of the worst happens as he blows out a smoke ring, Faye walks into the kitchen. She lets out a scream and cries. Michael jumps with urgency.Michael realizes he's not home alone at all... and he knows Jeremy's in the house. “JEREMY! I BROKE OUR KID!” Michael says, quickly putting the joint in his pocket.

 

Jeremy hears the scream from where he’s sitting on their bed, his laptop on his lap. He slams it shut, racing down the stairs to find Faye, sitting on the floor, her knees pulled to her chest, crying in the middle of a smoky room. “Michael, what the hell?” He kneels by Faye’s side, smoothing her hair. “I thought you had gotten rid of all of it.”

Faye’s breath is ragged, and Jeremy can feel her entire body shaking in sobs.

 

“I just- I just…” Michael takes a deep breath. “I didn't know you two were home... and- and- and- ...I…” Michael runs his hands through his hair. He can't have an anxiety attack on Jeremy because Michael has obviously caused their daughter to have one... Nice going idiot, you fucked up an entire person. Michael thinks to himself. His breath hitches but calms. “I didn't... I…” Michael stops talking and looks down at Faye. Faye's nearly six and she's having a breakdown. 

 

Jeremy draws Faye against him. He needs to get her out of the smoky room. He looks at Michael, knowing he’ll blame himself and he’s probably on the verge of a breakdown himself, but he can’t leave Faye. “Michael, I need you to get that out of the house. I don’t care where you go, just get it away from Faye.” He knows he’ll regret this. He tells himself that its the only way.

Jeremy scoops Faye into his arms, lifting the crying girl, trying to calm her down. He carries her away from the smoke, into the living room.

 

Michael sprints out of the house and gets in his car and drives. He drives to the parking lot of a seven eleven and reclines the seat. He continues to smoke anyhow because he's on the verge of a breakdown. He knows Jeremy's gonna have some words about this and Michael will need to be calm if he has a conversation with all he's hidden for these past few months. He's done it all for Faye, but fears it'll all be for nothing.

 

Faye looks at Jeremy. She has so many questions. Her chest feels tight and she closes her eyes tightly wishing the pain away. “Daddy…” Faye pauses she doesn't know what to say first. “Daddy is Tatay gonna end up like Mommy?” She asks.

 

Jeremy shakes his head. “No, neither of us will end up like your mommy. I promise. Tatay only does it to calm down, and he’s never going to hurt you.” Jeremy wipes away Faye’s tears and presses a kiss to her forehead. “He’s going to be alright.” He hears how fast her breathing is, and he recognizes it. It can’t be, she can’t have a panic attack. She’s not even six yet.

 

Faye screams again from the pain she's feeling. She's a little girl, she can't exactly bottle her pain like Jeremy and Michael can. She's sobbing now, and she can't see anything, even with the square frames Michael bought her a few weeks ago. “Daddy, my chest hurts. I feel like I'm dying.”

 

Jeremy winces. “Shh, its going to be alright. I know it hurts, but it’s going to be fine. You aren’t dying.” He pulls her close, burying her face in his chest. “You just need to do one thing, okay? Match your breathing with mine.” He breathes in, holds, breathes out. Again, and again.

 

After a few minutes, Faye stops crying. She gets her breathing to match Jeremy's but a part of her is still so terrified. She looks up at Jeremy, her big brown eyes filled with worry. “What just happened?” The question rings through the silence.

 

 

Jeremy closes his eyes, sighing. “You know how me and Tatay both have the thing called anxiety? What just happened to you is called an anxiety or panic attack. It’s easily fixed when it’s small.” He pulls her close. “Faye, you have to promise that if you feel that way again, you tell either me or Tatay. Okay?”

 

Faye nods. “Okay. I promise.” She sighs. “Is Tatay coming back? Where is he?” Faye asks. “And... can I take a nap? I'm tired Daddy.” Faye yawns.

 

Jeremy sighs into Faye’s hair. “He is coming back. He went outside for a bit to calm down.” He doesn’t mention that he was finishing the joint. “And of course you can, sweetie. Let’s get you up to bed, alright? You can sleep until dinner’s ready.” He carries the tired child upstairs and tucks her into bed, turning off the light as he leaves. He shuts the door and leans against it, taking a deep breath. He hears the front door close, and heads downstairs.

 

Michael's back home, the joint is completely disposed of, and his hood is up giving Jeremy a sign that Michael's not even close to okay right now. Michael looks directly at Jeremy who's got a mixture of disappointment and anger on his face. Michael fucked up. He knows it's true. Every beat of his heart makes it ache even more. He failed Jeremy. He failed Faye. He's failed himself. He takes the hood off and takes a deep breath. “Let me try to explain myself, please?” Michael says, trying to stay calm and not tick off Jeremy.

 

Jeremy is already past being ticked off. After being so worried about Faye, Jeremy just feels angry. Angry at Michael, for lying to him, at himself, for believing him. “Yeah, you’d better explain yourself. You’d better explain why you thought smoking in the house was a good idea. You’d better explain why you said you got rid of it all. You’d better explain why our daughter just had a fucking panic attack.” Jeremy knows that he’ll probably upset Michael, but at this moment, he doesn’t even care anymore.

 

Michael just looks at Jeremy, speechless. “She... she had a **panic** attack?” It's the first thing off of Michael's tongue. “But she's only five!” Michael doesn't even want to explain himself. “You had your first attack when you were six and even that was early! And it was because of me?” Michael doesn't move. He's not going to panic, not with the pissed off Jeremy in front of him. He swallows the anxiety, making his stomach tremble, and he lets out a small wince. “I didn't think anyone else was in the house I- I- I got rid of it all at the the the time...but I dunno…” Michael's terrified and he can feel his mental health slipping out of his grasp. “She had a **fuckin** panic attack?” Michael doesn't like that thought at all. Told you, you're a loser. Michael thinks to himself. He gets a terrible instinct to do all these horrible things, but he doesn't move. He stands in the doorway, looking at Jeremy, hands in his pockets.

 

Jeremy runs his hands through his hair. “I just want you to fucking think for once! You know how shitty her life was before, you can’t just do things without thinking! Anything might set her off. Just take a moment and think about what you’re doing before you do it. You can’t make split second decisions, you can’t let your emotions get the better of you. Do you know how many times I’ve felt helpless and I just want to scream and cry? But I don’t. Because Faye is depending on me, on us. Now more than ever.” Jeremy’s voice steadily rises, and his hands start shaking.

 

Michael looks right at the floor at this point. “You think I don't fuckin know that? You know how many panic attacks I've had at work because I bottle myself up so she can't see me?” Michael asks, he's a little angry at himself, but it sounds like he's angry with Jeremy. “Every shake and tremor and sob I keep inside me makes my stomach shake. It's not like I meant to do this. I've been trying hard not to slip for months Jeremy, and I haven't until now!” Michael's shaking but he's leaning on the wall so it's hard to see. He sees Jeremy's hands shaking, and it makes Michael feel even worse. Just do what you really want to do. You've fucked up enough, why not some more? Michael bites his lip at the thought. He's clean. He doesn't want to move but he starts walking towards Jeremy. Michael can't deal with all of this at once. An angry Jeremy, depressing thoughts, an anxiety attack, Michael can feel his ribs with his arms, and the fact Jeremy's shaking too.Michael didn't think he would get this bad, but here he stands. He extends his hand towards Jeremy, keeping it surprisingly steady.

 

Jeremy wants to reach out his hand, wants to touch Michael, but he knows that as soon as he does he’ll break, he’ll explode. “Don’t… don’t touch me.” He steps back. He clenches his fists and turns away. “Just leave me alone, Michael.” His breathing’s shortening, and he isn’t sure if it’s from anger or an attack coming on or because he might be about to cry.

 

Michael doesn't move, he's not sure if it's because he can't or because he can hear Jeremy's breathing. “Jeremy…” Michael backs up giving Jeremy space, allowing himself to start crying. The tears fall silently, but they're there. He wraps his hands around his center.

 

The shaking gets worse. Jeremy doesn’t want Michael to see. He presses his palms into his jeans, trying to stop. He wants to turn around, to apologize, but he can’t. He needs to stop, he can’t do this right now. Then he remembers something. His anxiety medication is in the bathroom cabinet. He goes and opens the cabinet, searching for it. His head pounds, he can’t start this now, not while Michael’s upset.

 

Michael notices Jeremy goes into the bathroom. Seeming as he's not thinking straight he watches Jeremy, keeping the distance. He wipes away his tears. “I'm sorry.” Michael apologizes. “Are you okay?” Michael asks noticing what Jeremy's doing.

 

Jeremy finds the pills in the back of the cabinet, pulling them out. “No.” He says shortly. He’s still not exactly happy with Michael. It’s stupid to blame him, but Jeremy can’t help it. With shaking hands, he opens the bottle. As soon as they’re open, he’s hit by massive pain and drops them, catching himself on the sink. “Fuck.”

 

Michael runs and holds Jeremy. “I don't care if you're angry with me right now, I don't care. You're not okay, and I want to help.” Michael's still terrified on the inside himself but at least he’s stopped crying. Jeremy and Michael panicking together never goes well. Everything hurts. Every word. Every I love you. It just hurts no matter what. So he swallows all of his own faults, he helps Jeremy. Michael puts his hand in Jeremy’s, and holds him so he can stand again. “What do you need Jeremy?” Michael asks cause his own brain is short circuiting.

 

Jeremy takes a shaky breath. “I-I don’t know.” He looks down at the pills on the ground. He hates pills, he really does. He can’t bring himself to look back up at Michael. He tries to even out his breathing, calm down. It hurts, but he needs to do it. Stay strong for Michael.

 

Michael sees and can feel the effort Jeremy is putting into this. “I have an idea.” Michael says. “Look, we are both clearly unstable. If I told you we should part ways right now, would that be insane?” Michael's ribs start shaking. “I can lay on the couch. You can lay in bed. When I'm done with my shit I will come right to you, all right? Then we can talk this out.” Michael sighs. “It's the only thing I can think of. Tell me it makes sense.”

 

Jeremy doesn't even know what he wants anymore. He doesn't want to be left alone, but he's still angry and confused and upset with Michael. But it makes sense, what he's saying. “Maybe... maybe that'll help.” He looks up at Michael feeling his chest constrict.

 

“Okay, Jer.” Michael lifts Jeremy and puts him into bed. He kisses forehead. “I'll be right back. Or- or you can come to me if you need to. Just let me know if you need anything. I love you.” Michael lets go of Jeremy and runs away. If they're both panicking this is the best thing he can do. Michael rips off his hoodie feeling himself overheat and lays on the couch and lets out all his sobbing and every shaking breath. He fucked up his daughter, now he's fucked up his husband, and he's fucking up himself. Everything burns inside of Michael. This is all his fault.

 

Jeremy's heart is racing. He starts to hyperventilate, tugging at his hair. It's your fault the voice starts, and Jeremy can't take it anymore. “GET OUT OF MY HEAD!” He screams, feeling tears stream down his face. “Leave me alone.” He whispers. He hears a small noise from the next room, and he struggles to stop making noise. He can't wake Faye.

 

Michael hugs his knees tightly to his chest and he can hear Jeremy. He did this. It's Michael's fault. Michael's body gets even warmer. His sobs come out in winces and screams he tries to hold back. Everything is just getting worse. He bites his lip and suddenly he doesn't care anymore. He takes his t-shirt off. The shoulder scar now visible and how skinny Michael has gotten. He curls into a ball and covers his ears. Michael feels fragile, but at the same time he wants to go help Jeremy. He can't listen to Jeremy's screams. Michael shakes like an earthquake. He hasn't shaken this bad since…. he represses the memory. His tears feel like straight plasma. His lips are quivering. His heart tenses along with his left arm. It's the damn heart attack feeling. With everything burning against his skin Michael looks at his clothes on the floor...it's just too warm. He keeps himself topless and rolls his pants to his knee caps. Every scar and mistake he's made is now visible and right in front of him.

 

The pain intensifies, not just a normal panic attack this time. His scars have opened again and he grits his teeth. Everything is shaking and hurting. His throats feels like sandpaper, he can't breathe. The white hot pain overcomes him and all reason is gone, and he screams. Again and again. His eyes are screwed shut, his knees drawn to his chest. Somehow, through it all, he hears the tiny knock on the door. Faye. “G-go back to bed.” He suppresses another scream. “I'm fine.”

 

Michael hears it all. And he stops. He throws his shirt on. He kicks his pants back down to his ankles. He runs. “Faye.” He sees her and stops. “Faye. Can you do Tatay a huge favor sweetie? Go downstairs and bring me a bottle of red soda. It'll help Daddy.” Michael watches Faye nod and run. Michael runs into the room and scoops Jeremy up quickly. “Baby can you hear me?” Michael asks he can feel Jeremy's back. Michael swallows his own pain, but hates seeing Jeremy like this. “It's all going to be okay, sweetheart. I'm sorry about this.” Michael covers Jeremy's mouth with his hand. “I need you to breathe for me Jeremy. Just slowly.”

 

Jeremy nods silently. He doesn't trust himself to open his mouth, even with Michael covering it. He focuses his entire being on breathing, his eyes shut tightly against the pain. Jeremy breathes,in and out, but he somehow. He grabs Michael shirt. “I'm... sorry.” He forces out, struggling not to scream.

 

“Shh, there's nothing to be sorry for mahal ko, it's okay.” Michael moves some hair out of Jeremy's face. “Sanggol, can you open your eyes?” Michael says not even realizing he's calling Jeremy a bunch of Filipino pet names. “It's okay if you can't, but it's just me. I sent Faye to get soda in case you need it.” Michael lets out another deep breath, trying to stay calm himself. “Matamis, mahal kita.” Michael's brain is all out of sorts, but he knows Jeremy understands that part of the last phrase means I love you. Michael feels a tear in his heart. He keeps his eyes on Jeremy, he has to do this for him. Michael keeps thinking to himself in the language only he can understand Tulungan mo ako, bumagsak ang lahat. He tries to stick to English so when he speaks to Jeremy won't be nonsense. Help me.. everything's falling apart. He thinks in English. Anuman para kay Jeremy...anything for Jeremy.

 

Jeremy hears Michael through a haze, a banging in his head. He opens his eyes, looking down at his knees. He glances up at Michael. Jeremy sees the panic in his eyes and quickly looks away. Through the tightness in his chest he whispers, “Red won't work.” He breathes for a second. “It's all in my head.” It hurts to talk, but he has to. “Mikey, I'm going crazy, aren't I?” He looks up again. He must be quite a sight- shaking and crying and sobbing and who knows what else.

 

“No Jer, you're not going crazy. I said in case.” And in that moment, Michael breaks. Everything starts hurting again, but he keeps it all inside his head for Jeremy. However, Michael doesn't realize but he's completely crying. “Ako ay humihingi ng paumanhin.” Michael says. It means I'm sorry, but no one else knows that but him. He looks up seeing Faye coming back into the room. Her eyes are wide. “Faye, it's okay, come here.”

“What did you just say? Is Daddy okay?” Faye asks placing the soda on Jeremy's bedside table.

“Maganda siya. I mean, he will be fine.” Michael's still crying. “Really, it is okay. Halika dito. I mean, come here.”

“Tatay, why're you crying? Why was Daddy screaming?”

“Faye, mahal Kita, I need you to be quiet and ask questions later.” Michael's ribs start to shake. “Jeremy, give her your hand.” Michael says looking down at his trembling husband. “Just do it. Keep your pressure on me, bigyan siya ng iyong kamay.”

 

The Filipino makes Jeremy realize that Michael isn't as fine as he's pretending to be. Jeremy looks at Faye, she's scared. Whether of him, or for him, he doesn't know. He reaches his hand out to her, which she takes. He pulls her into him, and Michael makes room for her. They sit like this for awhile, the whole dysfunctional family. Jeremy's breathing slows. He reaches his hand that isn't holding Faye's up to Michael's face, wiping away his tears. He smiles weekly. “Mahal kita, Mikey. Mahal Kita, Faye.”

 

“It means I love you.” Michael looks at Faye, still crying. “Mahal Kita. Can you say it?” He looks at Faye.

“Mahal kita, Daddy.” Faye says.

“Good girl. I'll teach you more some other time.” Michael sighs. “Faye... can you let me talk to Daddy for a little bit?” She nods and walks away. Michael looks at Jeremy. “Ako ay nalulungkot. I mean, I'm so sorry. Are you okay? I'm so, so, so, sorry Jeremy.” Michael can't stop crying. “I didn't mean to do this. I'm so, so, so, sorry.” Michael feels just as weak as Jeremy. He's exhausted and he's still pushing down all his pain. “Hindi ko sinasadya na mapahamak ka tulad nito. Gusto kong protektahan ka. Pinapahalagahan kita. Mahal kita.” It comes out so quickly, and Michael can tell he's confusing Jeremy. He sighs.

 

Jeremy brushes Michael’s hair back. “Shh, it’s okay, Mikey. I’m… I’m okay.” Or as okay as he can be at the moment, at least. He brings both hands up to Michael’s face, making him look at him. “Sweetheart, what’s wrong? Talk to me. I don’t care in what language, just talk to me, love.” He looks into Michael’s eyes.

 

Michael doesn’t know what to say. His brain is completely scattered. “Jeremy… Hindi ako makagiginhawa. Masakit ang lahat!” He knows he’s speaking Filipino but he can’t stop. “I don’t know how to… Nawasak na ang lahat, tama ba? Nasira ko ang bata namin! This is all my fault! Hindi ako kumain sa loob ng limang araw!” He stops, knowing the gravity of the last sentence. He has to say it in English. But he can’t. He’s speaking too quickly. He keeps flipping. “I’m sorry. I don’t know how to stop. Jeremy, tulungan mo ako!” Michael cries.

 

Jeremy’s knowledge of Filipino is very limited. Michael’s tried to teach him, multiple times, but he never picked it up. He knew a couple of phrases, and numbers. All he caught of that rant was ‘I’m sorry’ and something about the number five. “Mikey, calm down. It’s going to be okay.” He says, trying to calm Michael down. “You said something about five. What’s wrong?”

 

Michael nods and takes a deep breath. “Hindi ako kumain sa loob ng limang araw.” He sighs. “I haven't…” Michael lies down, his chest feels like fire. “I fucked everything up….” he looks at Jeremy. “I haven't eaten in.. five.. days.”

 

Jeremy feels his stomach lurch. “Michael, are you kidding?” He says quietly. How could he have not noticed? “Please, tell me you’re kidding.” He searches Michael’s face, hoping it’s just a sick joke. “Mikey…” He sighs. “You can’t do this to yourself. It just isn’t healthy.”

 

“Hindi ko sinasadya. I mean... I mean I didn't mean to. I've been..” Michael takes Jeremy's hand. Everything's gonna come out of him very quickly and he's hoping it's all going to be English. “I didn't want to have anxiety attack in front of Faye so I've been restraining it all, keeping it inside, it makes me stomach shake and it becomes really hard to eat. I've lost fifteen pounds Jeremy, I'm small. Jeremy, it hurts. It was a quick solution but not a good one. I just don't want to have an anxiety attack around her, I don't. I don't.” Michael looks at him. “Hindi ko sinasadya. I didn't mean to. Help me.” He’s sobbing. “Jeremy, you gotta help me. While you were yelling I got an instinct to do so many bad things. Please, please, please, please, help me baby.”

Jeremy’s heart is pounding again. “Michael, love, you need to eat something. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you, I was just scared and angry. I’m going to help you in any way I can, just tell me how.” He takes Michael’s other hand. “God, how could I have not noticed? Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

“I was scared, natakot ako. That's what that means. I um...Can you just stay here with me? I don't think I should be alone right now.” Michael sighs. “I'm sorry about what I did to Faye. I'm sorry about smoking. I've just been trying to keep it all in... and you haven't noticed cause I hide it well.” Michael lifts his shirt so his ribs, showing just how visible they are. “I'm sorry.” The next sentence is reluctant to come off Michael's tongue. He always feels like he has to be the hero. He has to save Jeremy. He doesn't want to be helpless, or useless. He sees Jeremy's eyes on his ribs. Michael doesn't want to say it. He's always been so independent. “I…” Michael feels his heart tear. His heart attack feeling coming back. He really doesn't want to say this, he wants to be strong... but Jeremy's look is really starting to scare him. “I need help.”

 

“I know you’re scared. And I know you’re sorry.” Jeremy lifts his eyes to Michael’s. “But that’s no reason to keep it hidden. You do need help, and that isn’t a bad thing. Being ‘strong’ all the time hurts. It leaves you worse than before.” As he says it, he feels like a total hypocrite. Isn’t that what he’s done for so long? He looks down for just a moment, then he’s back to looking at Michael. “Asking for help doesn’t make you weak, Michael. You’re strong enough to admit you need it.” Michael starts to look away, but Jeremy tilts his chin up, making him look at him. “I’m here for you, and I’m going to help in any way I can. Okay? But I can only help you if you tell me. Remember our promise? That extends to this too. Even if I’m in the middle of something at work, or Faye’s there, or I’m asleep, you tell me. Every time.”

 

“I'm sorry, baby.” Michael sighs. “I thought I could do this. I thought I'd be fine.” Michael feels his left arm twitch. His ribs shake and he drops the t-shirt. He holds it in still, his stomach shakes. Michael curls into a ball. “Fifteen pounds. It’s really only three pounds per day and scientifically your weight differs in one to two pounds everyday.” Michael says. “It's still awful... really awful, but when I'm eating I feel sick and my stomach burns like a hot ball of lead. I try not to throw up... I'm sorry, Jer I should've told you. I'm sorry. I... I…” Michael takes a deep breath, he knows there's only one way to fix this. “Fix me, Jeremy. You gotta do this. It's gonna hurt me but you have to make me eat.” He looks at him. “Ya gotta make me.”

 

“Okay. Okay.” Jeremy resigns himself to this. He’s going to have to hurt Michael, but long term, it’ll heal him. He’ll have to watch Michael be in pain to stop him from being in pain. “Can you walk? Or should I bring it to you?” He asks, knowing he must be weak.

 

“Walk.” Michael answers so quickly it's alarming. Even when Michael's weak like this he doesn't want to wait for Jeremy to bring shit to him. Ever since Michael's incident of not being able to walk, he walks all the fucking time. Michael gets up, but his whole body shakes. He doesn't care. He walks but he stumbles a bit leaning in the doorway. Michael's still sweating, and his hair is on his forehead, he groans. He hates when he looks like this.

 

Jeremy’s by his side in a heartbeat. “You can lean on me if you insist on walking.” Just like before, Jeremy thinks, but keeps it to himself. It’s not the time for those types of comments. Michael nods, putting his weight on Jeremy. Even though he just saw how thin Michael was, he’s still surprised by how light Michael’s gotten. He helps Michael down the stairs, making their way to the kitchen, where Michael sits on the chair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry this is super late. I know I’m two chapters behind, but I’m on vacation right now with my family at the time of this being posted. If you have questions about the Filipino, comment, sorry if any of it is wrong. See you next post!  
> ~ PlayerOneMell


	6. Force Feeding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael is force fed by Jeremy so he doesn’t die from not eating.

Jeremy digs through the fridge, trying to find something. He finds leftover soup from the other day. It’s their best bet. “Did you drink anything? You’d better not be dehydrated too.”

 

Michael rests his head on his forearms and leans on the table. “I'm not that stupid, Jeremy.” He sighs. “Today, nothing. Absolutely nothing.” Michael's shaking. “Just...take it easy on me. My stomach is still shaking.” He runs his hand through his hair trying to get it to stand up, but it just flops. He groans again. He just wants to be okay, but he can feel the tears on his eyelashes which press against his glasses as he lays his head on the table. “Can we just get this over with?”

 

Jeremy sits across from Michael after heating up the soup. For a moment, it just sits between them. Jeremy looks up at Michael. “I can’t get to your mouth if your head’s down.” He says, but the joke falls flat. Michael lifts his head, and Jeremy holds out the spoon. “Do you want to do it yourself?” He asks, trying to keep his hands steady.

 

Michael looks at the spoon like it's his greatest enemy. He takes the spoon and drums his other fingers on the table. Michael knows how bad this is gonna hurt. “I don't wanna do this…” Michael feels his stomach tug. He's only smelled the soup and he already feels the simmering of his stomach. He inserts the spoon in his mouth and he takes it out letting his tongue burn a bit. He feels his throat almost close, he can't swallow the soup. He just sits there looking at Jeremy with tears in his eyes.

 

Jeremy sees what’s happening, but doesn’t know what to do to help. “You can do it, Mikey. I believe in you.” All he can really do is offer support. He reaches out and squeezes Michael’s hand. He smiles weakly.

 

Michael looks at Jeremy and gives a really weak smile. It's more of a smirk, all the soup in his one cheek. He squeezes Jeremy's hand and swallows. It hurts. It burns his entire esophagus, and it drops into his stomach like a bomb. Michael winces. He puts his head back down on the table. “It hurts.” Michael's throat is dry and he feels immense pain. He goes to say something but closes his mouth tightly feeling his food want to change its path. He bangs his head on the table, why would he do this to himself.

 

Jeremy leans across the table. “I know it does, but you have to eat. If you can’t do it yourself, I’ll have to force feed you. You need to eat.” He repeats. He feels his own stomach tighten in sympathy. “You can do it, Mikey. You just have to try.” He takes the spoon from Michael gently, getting more soup. He holds it out to Michael. “Open your mouth, or I’m going to make you.” The smile’s gone. He still feels sympathetic, but that isn’t what Michael needs right now. He needs to eat under any circumstances.

 

Michael shakes his head. He looks at Jeremy. Michael gets a soft look in his eyes and he can tell Jeremy doesn't wanna do this, but Michael feels as if his jaw is locked. He tries to lean close but his body restricts him. Michael feels his eyes sting. He doesn't want to do this to Jeremy, but he can't do it on his own.

 

Jeremy takes a deep breath, psyching himself up for what he’s about to do. He hates this, but it’s the only thing he can think of. He’s still holding Michael’s hand. ‘Sorry.’ He mouths at Michael, then digs his fingernails into Michael’s hand. Michael’s jaw unlocks in a squeaky gasp, but it’s just enough to get his mouth open. Jeremy forces the spoon into his mouth and makes him swallow. As soon as the spoon is out, Jeremy checks Michael’s hand and winces. Small red markings are already showing up. “Sorry, sorry, sorry.” He says, regretting it immediately.

 

Michael knows he can't talk, not unless he wants to throw up. All he can do is communicate with Jeremy through his eyes... and his hands. Michael takes Jeremy's hand and puts it against his face and smiles. He wants to let Jeremy know he's okay. Then he looks at the bowl of soup and into Jeremy's eyes and cocks an eyebrow questioning if they have to do it again. Michael feels his chest tighten. His hand hurts. His stomach hurts. His throats hurts. Everything hurts.

 

Jeremy bites his lip. He still feels bad about hurting Michael. “I’m sorry, but you have to. I don’t want to hurt you again, so how’s this? For every five spoonfuls, you get one kiss. I won’t do it on the mouth if you don’t want me to.” It’s probably a stupid bargain, but it’s the best he has right now.

 

Michael nods. It's all he can think. He starts to cry and he sniffs. He wants to say so much to Jeremy but instead bites his lip in agony. He lets an audible breath through his nose and then he looks at his hand in alarm. No wonder it hurts... Jeremy hurt him. He lets go of Jeremy's hand brushes his fingers over the small marks. He looks back at Jeremy and he speaks, his voice hoarse, “I love you.” It burns him to say but he had to say it. He shuts his mouth tightly after that. He's shaking. He's crying. Everything burns.

 

Jeremy knows how much the cuts hurt, he’s done it all to himself before. “I love you too, Mikey, I’m sorry, I didn’t know what else to do-” He stops, taking a deep breath. He reaches out for Michael’s hand, but pulls back. “You need to eat, Michael. Please.” He sounds desperate.

 

Michael nods. Him and Jeremy continue working. By the end of it all, Michael feels like he's going out pass out. There's the smallest spoonful of soup left and he looks at Jeremy and shakes his head. He's sweating, he's crying, and he's fighting his stomach to keep that food down. “I can't, Jeremy. I can't.” He whines. “Please no more.” He is speaking for the first time in ten minutes. “It hurts.” 

 

Jeremy puts the spoon down, getting up from his chair and making his way over to Michael. He pulls him into a hug, careful not to jostle him. He strokes his hair, trying to get him to calm down. “I know, I know. It’s okay, you’re going to be okay.” He presses a kiss to Michael’s forehead, feeling how hot Michael is. Michael’s crying into his shirt, and Jeremy can’t stop it.

 

Michael lets it all out. “Jer, can I go take a nap? I'm scared of throwing up... I know Faye's awake, but can I just sleep for awhile? You can wake me up in like an hour.” His voice is hard to hear, he knows. The tears are evident. “I can just sleep on the couch or…” He stops he feels his stomach push. He holds onto Jeremy tighter. “Thanks... I'm sorry, but thank you.” Michael's trembling.

 

Jeremy nods. “Yeah, let’s get you to sleep. I can watch Faye for a bit, it’s okay.” He kisses his forehead again. “I love you, Michael.” He pulls away, helping him up. Together, they make their way to the couch, and Jeremy makes sure Michael is settled in, giving him one last kiss. “Call me if you need me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys, I’m so sorry! I’ve been so busy. I know m a chapter behind so I am gonna try and post chapter seven today. I know chapter eight isn’t until next Friday but I have a performance in a musical that day so I’m trying my best to get that chapter up in time or maybe even earlier.  
> Hope you’re enjoying this!  
> ~ PlayerOneMell


	7. Just Another Disaster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy tried to explain some of his past to Faye and it ends up with anfigt between him and Michael later that night.

Faye comes down the stairs feeling bored. She made her bed, and she played with her bear a bit but she wants to make sure her parents are okay. She skips down into the kitchen and sees the mess. She sneaks into the living room. She sees the red hoodie on the ground and Jeremy kissing Michael. “Daddy?” She sees him look at her. “Is everything okay?” She still has so many questions from earlier.

 

Jeremy sighs. “I think so, honey. It’s been a hard day for all of us. Tatay’s going to sleep a bit.” He gives her a weak smile. “It’s going to be okay.” He says, more to himself than Faye. She’s so small, so innocent, but she’s almost as broken as either of them. He comes over and ruffles her hair. “Why don’t we let him sleep and go play video games, okay? You can ask me anything while we’re there.” He’s probably going to regret that, but he can’t keep her in the dark. She’s too curious for her own good.

 

Faye nods and she practically jumps into her own bean bag which they'd gotten her after awhile. And she looks right at her father. “What language does Tatay speak?” She asks as Jeremy walks in behind her. “Is Tatay okay?” She asks. Then she asks a simple question, “What’re we having for dinner?”

 

“First of all, Tatay speaks Filipino. That’s the language Tatay comes from, it translates to Daddy in English.” Jeremy says, sitting on his own beanbag. “Second, he should be okay. He’s just feeling a little sick.” He pulls out the controllers, handing Faye hers and taking one for himself. “Mario Kart?” He asks her, and she nods. “As for dinner, I’m not sure yet.”

 

“Sure.” Faye shrugs. She adjusts her glasses. “So.. what you were having was that.. um what... what's it called again? Anxiety?” Faye asks. “Daddy do I have anxiety now?”

 

Jeremy looks down at his controller. “One attack doesn’t mean definite anxiety. But since it was so early…” he shakes his head. “I’m not sure, sweetie. We’ll have to ask someone a lot smarter than me about it.” He looks at Faye. “I hope you don’t. It’s not at all fun. I don’t ever want to see you go through this.”

 

“When did you get it? When did Tatay get it?” Faye's almost scared. “And can I play yoshi? I know it's Tatay’s favorite, but can I?”

 

Jeremy laughs quietly. “Yes, you can. And… I was early, I got my first attack when I was about six. Tatay was later, not until he was in high school. He knew he had it before, but he didn’t have an attack until he was sixteen.” He refrains from saying that his first attack was because of him. Jeremy chooses his character- Peach.

 

“Why?” She asks picking her cart, wheels and parachute. “What happened to Tatay? What happened to you?” She asks. “Were you there for each other back then too?” She picks a city cruiser, leaf wheels, and the basic parachute. Michael taught her it's the best for handling.

 

“For me, I was really made fun of as a little kid. I had a stutter and I never really got along with anyone, other than your Tatay. He tried to help me.” Jeremy chooses a cat cart, button wheels and a cloud parachute. “He found me crying in the sandbox after I didn’t come in at recess. As for him…” He winces, not wanting to say. “When we were in high school I… did some bad things. Made wrong decisions. I made your Tatay… I made him feel awful about himself. I called him a loser.” He can’t look at Faye as he says this. He can’t see her reaction at knowing it’s all his fault.

 

Faye drops her controller and looks at Jeremy. “Loser?” There's tears in her eyes. She's scared. Her hands shake. “It says loser on Tatay’s arm!” Faye exclaims. “Did you hurt Tatay? Did you do that to him?” Faye's crying now. She doesn't like that thought. It's too... reminding.

 

“I wasn’t the one who physically hurt him, no. I didn’t… write that. I could never have done that. But…” Jeremy takes a shaky breath. He’s still looking down. “I am the one who drove him to do that to himself. I’m not at all proud of it.” He feels a lump in his throat. “Every time I see it, it reminds me of how awful I was to him, and I hate it. It makes me wonder how he could still love me after I did all of that.”

 

“Don't lie to our kid Jeremy.” Michael says flipping onto to his beanbag. “Couldn't sleep, got room for a player one?” He sees how scared Faye is. “Jeremy, you didn't make me do this, and I could never stop loving you.” He looks at Faye. “Player three, Daddy is a wonderful person.” Michael reaches for Jeremy's hand cause he's still in pain from eating the soup. It's easy to see, but he hopes Faye can't see it. He put his red hoodie on so Faye can't see the scars or how skinny Michael is. “People fight sometimes. People get hurt. It happens. As long as you apologize and mean it, everything's okay.” Michael turns to Jeremy and kisses him on the cheek. “I love you.” Then he puts his head on Jeremy's shoulder. “Please tell me you said nothing about the SQUIP?” Michael whispers. He doesn't want Faye to know about that at all.

 

While Michael’s talking, Jeremy can’t help but feel like he’s trying to lie, spare his feelings. It’s a word, and a specific word, that’s carved into Michael’s arm, and it’s a word that Jeremy knows he said, and is pretty sure only he had said to him, but he doesn’t say anything. Jeremy shakes his head. “No, I didn’t. Nothing. Believe me, if I have my way, she will never know about it.” He whispers back. He glances sidelong at Michael.

 

“If you really feel that way about things we can talk later.” Michael whispers kissing Jeremy's cheek again. So the three play Mario kart and eat dinner. They make chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese. It’s true small children food. Then, they tuck in Faye. As soon as they're alone, Michael asks a question. “Is that... really how you feel about what I've done?”

 

Jeremy sighs, he was expecting this. “Michael, it’s a very specific word. It’s a word that I’ve called you. As far as I know, it’s a word that ONLY I have called you. What was I supposed to think?” He looks down at his feet again. “Because if it wasn’t me, who could it have been?”

 

“Me... me and my fucked up mind, me.” Michael knows it's his own fault- but also... it's someone else's. “And the... the squip. Look, I keep calling myself a loser and the... squip, he…” Michael avoids saying you because he knows his squip was Jeremy. “He... he wanted me to die. He convinced me you wanted me dead... and I listened. My mind was fucked up before and…” Michael's crying remembering it too vividly...it hurts him to remember. “And so I did... and the word was on my leg. It's labels I've called myself and people called me! Jeremy it wasn't you. You could never do this to me. Not in a million years.” He looks at Jeremy, still crying. “Baby, you didn't do this.” The memory is throbbing in Michael's head.

 

“I’m the one who gave you that idea, that planted that word in your head.” He hates seeing Michael cry. “I was your SQUIP, Michael. So no matter what way you look at it, it was me. This all would have never happened if I had just been logical and happy with what I had. So just admit it. Yell at me like I deserve. Just please, please don’t cry.” He says, finally facing Michael.

 

“It got us together though. It wasn't you. It's not you. You didn't do this.” Then Michael latches onto to Jeremy seeing electricity, squip electricity, in his eyes again. “Loser is what we called each other sometimes as kids.. so what? It's like buddy and asshole and jerk and everything else we said.” Michael keeps sobbing and he sees Jeremy's skin go silver and blue. Michael needs sleep, and his anxiety is taking over. Michael lets go of Jeremy. He walks backwards into a wall and faces the wall and shuts his eyes. “No. Jeremy you don't deserve pain. You don't deserve me to yell at you. You deserve love and forgiveness. You did give me my first anxiety attack? So what? I forgive you. It wasn't actually you.” Michael's heart aches. The sobs shake his body.

 

Jeremy catches Michael’s arm, turning him around. “Please, don’t cry.” He says, reaching out to wipe away the tears. “I didn’t mean…” He closes his eyes. “Shit.” He’s done it again. They just keep fucking each other up, don’t they? He opens his eyes again, looking up at Michael. “You may forgive me, but I sure as hell don’t. You and I have very different ideas of what I deserve.” He bites his lip. He looks into Michael’s eyes, and he looks… afraid. “Mikey? Oh, god, please don’t say you’re seeing it again. I’m me, Michael, I’m Jeremy.”

 

Michael needs Jeremy but Jeremy doesn't look like Jeremy. Michael eyes the bathroom. He can't hide, it's a bad idea. He rips his arm out Jeremy's grasp. “No.” He says coldly. “If you were Jeremy you'd believe in what I said instead of disagreeing with me.” Michael covers his mouth. He's absolutely terrified. There's circuits scattered across his vision. He bites his own hand to stop a scream. He backs further away from Jeremy and he doesn't stop until he hits another wall. He winces.

 

Jeremy can’t move for a second. He’s so shocked that Michael thinks he’s actually the squip. “Mikey, I-” He shuts his mouth again, not trusting himself to speak. He reaches out to Michael, but Michael looks at him with such disdain and fear that he draws his hand back. “Please, Mikey, I’m me. You have to believe me.” He hugs himself, wanting to help Michael so badly but not knowing how. But wasn’t this what he wanted? For Michael to blame him, like he blamed himself?

 

A part of Michael wants to believe Jeremy, but isn't that what a SQUIP would want? A white, hot, blinding pain hits him square in the chest. Michael feels his heart explode. He feels his eyes roll, and he closes them. Michael collapses, unconscious.

 

Jeremy lunges forward, catching Michael. “Oh, God, Mikey, I’m so sorry.” He lifts Michael into his arms again, carrying him to their bedroom and putting him into bed. He tucks him in, almost the exact same way they had tucked Faye in just a few moments ago. “I’m so, so sorry Michael. You know I can’t help but blame myself. I mean, I’m the one that took the damn squip, I set this all going. I just can’t let me forgive myself.” He bites his lip, fighting back the tears. “I’m so sorry, and I love you so much.” He kisses Michael’s forehead.

 

Michael feels like he's underwater and drowning. Everything he hears is water pressure. Eventually his eyes crack open, he doesn't know how long it's been, but he lets out what was on the tip of his tongue. A scream. He feels Jeremy clamp his hand over his mouth and basically straddle him. Michael stops and he sees Jeremy's eyes. “I'm sorry.” Michael mumbles through Jeremy's hand. “How long was I out?”

 

“Only about half an hour.” He says. He carefully takes his hand off Michael’s mouth, ready to put it back if he needs to. “But you were really restless, so I didn’t sleep. I knew you were going to wake up eventually, just maybe not so… explosively.” He says, a wry smile on his face. It quickly drops. “I’m sorry about earlier.” He says, looking at Michael.

 

The boy under him shakes his head. “Not your fault baby.” Michael says with a tear strained voice. Michael thinks... why did he pass out? “Jeremy... why did I pass out? What happened?” He asks quickly. “What... did I do something to myself?” Michael's eyes widen in concern. He's been thinking about it a lot lately. He couldn’t remember what happened?.

 

Jeremy shakes his head. “No, you didn’t do anything. You did bite yourself…” That’s going to be hell. Jeremy had already dug his nails into that hand, and now there’s bite marks too. “And bang into a couple walls. But you didn’t do anything else.” He looks down into Michael’s eyes. “So… you see me as me, then? Not as…” he trails off, looking away.

 

“That's what happened?” Michael keeps his gaze on Jeremy. It's only happened once before this, and when Faye arrived at the house for the very first time. “Yes I see you. I see you as you. My beautiful husband. My prince. My player two.” He pauses. “My everything.” He sighs. “That really doesn't happen... often. I'm sorry. I get so scared…. I'm sorry I get all up in my head. I love you so much Jeremy. I'm sorry if I scared you, or caused you pain, or did anything at all to affect you negatively.” Michael sighs. “You okay?”

 

Jeremy sighs. “I know you love me, but you just looked at me and you were… afraid and disgusted and no matter what I said you wouldn’t believe me that I wasn’t a squip. That just was so terrible, you thought I would hurt you.” He looks up at Michael. “So… no, I’m not okay.”

 

“I wanted to listen, I did. My eyes deceived me.” Michael sighs. “I'm sorry. Just take my glasses off if that ever happens again. Then I'll be blind. I wanted to but the way you looked…” Michael's softly crying. “You care about me, right? You don't want me gone?” Michael's stomach feels tight. “You love me?” It's clear just how bad Michael's anxiety was if he's asking all these questions.

 

Jeremy reaches out and wipes away Michael’s tears. “Of course I do, Michael. I love you so much. I would never want you gone, not ever. Even when I’m angry or upset, I never want you gone.” His heart wrenches at the look on Michael’s face.

 

“Sorry.” Michael apologizes pulling Jeremy next to him instead of being on top of him. Michael lets out a wince. “It was really bad.I don't mean to look at you like that.” Michael wraps his arms around Jeremy. Michael kisses Jeremy's head. The hug becomes tighter and Jeremy's head is in Michael's chest. “I want to make sure you're okay, Jeremy. Always. I'm sorry about my mistakes, and I'll fix them as best as I can. I'm not sure if I can forgive myself. But I'll try. I'll give you my best. I'll try harder, truly put my heart in your hands. I love you. I'll help you. I'll get better. I promise. I'll give you my best.”

 

Jeremy closes his eyes, just listening to Michael and his heartbeat. “I love you too.” He says into Michael’s shirt. “I’m fine, Michael. I promise.”

 

“Jeremy... I was thinking...Christine's in town in two days. I know this is a quick topic change, but I've been talking to her and she wants to meet Faye. I'd really kinda like to take you out on a date. You and me. We can talk and eat and do cheesy shit. Or other shit, if ya catch my drift. Just you and me, an entire evening to ourselves. What'd ya think?” Michael asks looking down at Jeremy.

 

Jeremy looks up at Michael. Whatever he was expecting, it wasn’t this. “Wait, you’re being serious?” He smiles at Michael. “Of course I want to! That sounds amazing.” He leans up and kisses Michael’s cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy chapter seven! Again, sorry for being behind. Chapter eight is a big one. You’ll see a lot more Faye! The next chapter the attention is split between Michael and Jeremy; and Christine and Faye. It’s a fun chapter! But...  
>  That doesn’t mean angst isn’t involved. I’ll get it to you readers as soon as I can!   
> ~ PlayerOneMell


	8. Babysitting and A Night Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy and Michael go on a date, meanwhile Christine is taking care of Faye.

The next two days go by in a blur for Jeremy, and soon the doorbell is ringing, signaling Christine’s arrival. “I’ve got the door.” He calls, shutting his laptop and heading to open the door. “Hey, Christine.” He gives her a smile.

 

“Hi Jeremy! Wow, you look nice.” She's smiling, as always. “I'm sorry, am I early? I was excited. Michael said he's gotta a real nice evening planned for you two. Is he here? I wanted to say hello! And where's Faye? She's the entire reason I'm here. Is there anything I need to know about her?” Christine asks with perky eyes still standing in the doorway.

 

Michael walks by the front hall and waves. He's still getting ready. “Faye's napping. Jeremy can fill you in on everything else. I gotta go look handsome for once in my life for my hubby.” Michael runs upstairs taking his headphones off. He'd just gotten home from work.

 

Jeremy rolls his eyes. “What does he mean, for once?” He mutters. “Anyways, there’s food in the fridge for her for later tonight. She doesn’t like very loud noises, which shouldn’t be much of a problem. She may not talk much at first, but she’ll open up eventually. Hopefully.” He thinks for a moment. “That’s really all I can think of.” He looks back at Christine. “Oh, sorry! You can come in, you don’t have to stand in the doorway.” He laughs. “Thanks so much for doing this, Christine.”

 

“It's really no problem! I love kids. I mean, I’m not running a theatre troupe for absolutely no reason at all. Theatre kids are the best! If not distracted a lot. Sometimes a pain, but so much fun!” Christine says.“Oh, and Michael wanted to make sure you had a place to…. ya know, if you wanted to.” Christine hands Jeremy a card, changing subjects quickly. “It's my hotel key card. Just in case.” Christine sighs. “Anything else I should know? Anything she likes to do? Anything I should be on the watch for? What about her bedtime?” Christine questions.

 

Michael buttons up his shirt in the mirror. Him and Jeremy both agreed to no ties because Michael really does suck at tying one. Michael puts on a blazer and shuts the bedroom door. Then he notices a small hug on his leg. “Faye, sweetie, I thought you were asleep. Are you okay?”

 

Faye looks up at him. “I couldn’t sleepy. Is Auntie Christine nice?” She asks, still clinging to Michael’s leg. “When will you be home? Will you be home for bedtime? I don’t wanna go beddy bye without you and daddy home.” Faye looks nervously up at Michael.

 

Jeremy took the key card, blushing, and put it in his jacket pocket. “She likes cartoons and video games. She has her own separate part of the shelf for her games. It’s pretty easy to find, just find Apocalypse of the Damned and go as far away from that as possible. Her bedtime is normally around eight, but she sometimes falls asleep earlier. Oh, and one other thing. Don’t mention her mommy, that never goes over well. If she says anything about it, don’t follow up on it.” Jeremy wants to run his hand through his hair, but he had actually tried to do something with it and didn’t feel like fixing it.

 

“Okay. Then…. Michael told me you're Daddy and he's Tatay, right?” She asks. It's a quick little question. “Does she bring her mother up often? Oh... and I don't mean to pry but kids ask this. What time are you getting home?”

 

“Auntie Christine is a wonderful person! She is downstairs and excited to meet you.” He looks down at Faye and picks her up. Faye tries to put her legs around Michael's ribs and throws her arms around Michael's neck. “Daddy and I are going to try and make it for bedtime, but if we can't we will be here as soon as you wake up tomorrow morning. Okay, player three? You gotta try to go nighty night if we aren’t home.” He boops her nose. Faye nods and Michael walks downstairs and into the dining room. “Here she is, the best five year old gamer! Faye. She couldn't sleep. Faye, this is Auntie Christine.”

 

Faye gives Christine a small wave before hiding her face in Michael’s shirt. “Hello.” She says quietly. She looks at Christine, turning her head to look at her, seeming to be assessing her. When Christine smiles and waves back, Faye stops hiding as much. She squirms a little until Michael puts her down, and goes up to Christine. “You’re a much better height than Daddy and Tatay.” She comments, matter of factly.

 

“We should be back before her bedtime, but if we get… ah, held up, we’ll be back before tomorrow morning.” Jeremy says, playing with the key card in his pocket. He feels his face go even more red. Luckily, Michael and Faye walk in, distracting Christine. Jeremy laughs at Faye’s comment. “Hey, I think I’m the best height.” He ruffles her hair, then turns back to Christine. “I think that’s really it. You have our numbers if you need to text or call.”

 

“Hi Faye!” Christine says, cheerfully. Faye stands close but not too close Christine feeling rather shy. Christine kneels to the floor. “I'm so happy I get to spend time with you! We are going to have so much fun!” She says in a lower volume than her normal cheery voice not wanting to scare her.

 

“Jer…” Michael eyes the door. “I think we ought going to get going.” Michael kneels. “Faye, can you give your Tatay a hug before he leaves? I love you, kiddo. We will be back soon.” He sighs. “Hug Daddy too.”

 

Faye nods, wrapping her arms around Michael’s neck. “Tatay, mahal kita,” She says, stumbling on the words a little bit. She feels proud of herself for remembering. She lets go of Michael and moves to Jeremy. “I love you, Daddy.”

 

Jeremy kisses Faye’s forehead, hugging her tightly. “Be good for Auntie Christine, okay sweetie? I love you too.” He stands back up, brushing off his dress pants. He grins at Michael, taking his hand. “Thank you so much, Christine.” Jeremy smiles at her. “Now, we really should go.”

 

Michael takes Jeremy's hand and squeezes it. The two walk out the door and the first thing Michael does is kiss Jeremy right on the face. “She said mahal kita!” Michael says happily. “Sorry. I'm just proud of our girl. For the rest of the night it's just me and you, handsome!”

 

The boys walk out the door as Christine stand up. She looks down at Faye. “So Faye, what do you want to do?” She sees Faye looks sad. “Faye?” She asks. “Daddy and Tatay are going to come back, don't worry.”

 

 

Faye sighs quietly. “I know.” She looks at the front door sadly, but turns back to Christine. She thinks for a moment, then realizes something. “Can you teach me how to braid? Tatay and Daddy try, but they never do it right.” She wrinkles her nose.

 

“Yeah, I can try. I had long hair when I was a kid. Do you have a hairbrush or-” Christine watches Faye disappear up the stairs. Christine follows her into her room. Wow! Faye I love your room! It's got girl gamer written all over it.” It’s clear to Christine that this little girl has Michael and Jeremy wrapped around her finger. Although, the trio seem perfect together. She looks down and Faye's holding a brush out. “Okay then!”

 

Jeremy grins. “What, did my face just turn into a mirror for a second there?” He teases, kissing Michael back. “She is amazing.” He says. “Now come on, I’m excited to see what you planned.” Michael had been keeping it secret the whole time they were waiting.

 

“It's not much Jeremy. It's dinner. Dinner that's a little fancy. Then we could go club dancing if ya wanted. But it's also pretty outside so I figured we could walk through the park where our first kiss was?” He looks at Jeremy. “Don't look so surprised, I think of these things. We also have that key... it's only if you want to use it and it's for after dinner. We don't have to use it, it's just an option.” Michael says pulling Jeremy along their walk. “Whatever you want, player two.”

 

Faye sits on the bed, cross-legged. “Auntie Christine.” She says, as if testing it out. “You’re not actually my Auntie, right?” She says as she undoes her current braids. “I mean, you don’t look like Tatay or Daddy. I mean, you look a little bit more like Tatay then Daddy but you don’t look like brother and sister or anything.”

 

Jeremy lets himself be pulled along and smiles at Michael. “I never thought you would be the sentimental one when date planning. But yes, that sounds great.” They get in the car, and Jeremy turns to Michael. “By the way, you look very handsome.” He says, leaning over to kiss Michael’s cheek.

 

“Thanks baby, I tried my best.” Michael blushes. “You're a lot more sentimental than me though... you'd be able to spot out what part of the city where our seventeenth date was or something. This restaurant is from our seventeenth date, by the way.And I love you. I can't kiss you while I'm driving.” Michael sighs. Then he looks at Jeremy. “Wait did you say yes to the entire plan? Including the hotel key?”

 

“No, I'm not your real auntie. Tatay and Daddy and I had gone to school together for a long time. Your daddy spoke to me for the first time junior year and then Tatay later that year. We are all part of a big group of friends and we are all dating someone else in the group.” She sees Faye’s hair undone and brushes it. “So what kind of braid do you want?”

 

Jeremy, who has sat back in his seat, looks away, face bright red. “Um. Yes, I did.” He shouldn’t be this embarrassed . They’d been married almost two years now. He grinned shyly at Michael. “I mean, how could I pass that up? We haven’t exactly done anything in ages, and since it’s here… might as well use it, right?” He cocked an eyebrow at him.

 

Faye stiffens slightly when she feels Christine’s hands in her hair, but remembered what her Tatay had said to her before he left.Christine is nice. She relaxes a little, then realizes she was asked a question. “Oh.” She has to think for a moment on what the different kinds of braids were. “French.” They sit in silence for a little bit. “So who are you dating? Are you married like Daddy and Tatay?”

 

“No sweetie, I'm not married. I have a girlfriend, her name is Jenna. There's only one other married couple in the group.” Christine says, gently braiding Faye's hair. “So who's better at braiding your hair Mi- I mean, Tatay or Daddy?”

 

“Well, we have a pretty good reason for having done absolutely nothing.” Michael sighs. “Is it weird I feel like one of those parents? Like, I left my baby at home and something is probably going to go wrong.” Michael rolls his eyes while parking the car. “Don't move.” Michael gets out of the car and opens Jeremy's door for him. “Your dinner awaits…”

 

Faye smiles. “Tatay, definitely. Daddy has no clue.” She laughs. “It always turns out messy and uneven. Tatay’s better, but he makes them too tight.” She stuck out her tongue.

 

Jeremy grins at Michael. “You’re a dork. But you’re my dork, so it’s fine.” He gets out of the car. He links his hand with Michael’s. He’s gotten more comfortable with PDA like this over the years. “And it’s going to be fine, Christine will take care of her.” He smiles at Michael. “Don’t worry.”

 

“I know, but I'm still nervous about it. She had that panic attack only two days ago. She's restless when she sleeps ...I just... I'm sure she's fine.” Michael's voice comes out a little shaky but luckily he shakes it off. Nothing's going to ruin this date, not if he can help it. He feels his stomach tremble as the smell of food is now present as they enter the restaurant. “I'm just happy we get to do this. I've missed you. I've missed this.” Michael smiles looking at Jeremy. Grand romantic gestures never go the right way when it comes to Michael, but he tries as hard as he can when it comes to Jeremy.

 

“Well your Daddy's hair is also a bit messy isn't? Makes sense.” Christine giggles a bit nervous. She finishes the braids. “So what do you think? It's been awhile, but I tried my best.” Christine smiles nervously at Faye who's standing, facing a mirror.

 

Faye looks at herself in the mirror, turning this way and that, admiring the braids. “Thank you.” She says quietly. She pushes her glasses further up her nose, getting a better look at the braids, a small smile on her face. “They’re perfect.”

 

Jeremy smiles back at Michael. “I missed this too. It’s been a while since we’ve had an actual date.” He reaches up to fix Michael’s collar. “Been a while since we’ve both been this dressed up.” He grins, remembering the last time. “Rich and Jake’s wedding, remember? That’s the last time I remember both of us wearing dress shirts. They made us match.” He laughs.

 

“Oh. I remember. Jake tried to get me so wasted.” Michael laughs, almost nervously. He starts not to feel so great and he gives Jeremy's hand a light squeeze for insurance. Michael knows there was a time after that wedding that they both wore dress shirts, but Michael drops it. He needs this to go without a hitch. A happy time. A nice date with his adorable husband. “I almost miss dating like this, despite the fact we'd both get super nervous.” And Michael is nervous. He goes to touch his hair but remembers it isn't spiked like it normally is. It's parted to the side, still out of his face. The two boys sit down at a table and Michael smiles, admiring Jeremy's blue eyes. Stars seem to glisten against the deep blue galaxies. “I love you.” Michael says it as if he hasn't seen Jeremy in years, as if Jeremy had just come back from war.

 

“You like em? That's great!” Christine says a little loudly. “Sorry. So what do you want to do next? We can play video games or we could do more girl stuff if you want. I have nail polish in my purse. Although I know your Tatay has painted nails a lot, and so does your Daddy.” Christine's rambling and then she looks at Faye. “Whatever you want to do kid!”

 

Faye thinks for a moment. She looks at her nails, considering them. “I’ve never painted my nails before. Maybe…” She says, almost to herself. “Can we play video games later?” She looks up at Christine.

 

Jeremy flushes as they take their seats and squeezes Michael’s hand. “I love you too.” He starts to feel slightly anxious. He almost never liked being in places with a lot of people who would be watching. He feels like he’s being watched, and wants to drop Michael’s hand- he feels it go hot. But his grip on Michael tightens. Who cares if people stare at them? He’s on a date with his husband, he’s determined to think of no one else. He can’t ruin this. He looks into Michael’s eyes and smiles, feeling calmer already.

 

Michael sighs, he forgot how hard this can be at times. “How's work been?” Michael asks, creating small talk for the time being. “I mean, what play are you doing?” Michael asks. He taps his foot under the table. Michael's literally in the worst surroundings possible. There's a bunch of people, he's on a date, and there's food involved. Yes, Jeremy has been making sure Michael's been eating, and he doesn't get as sick anymore. Michael still is rather smaller than he used to be. He'd only gained about five pounds in the past few days from eating. His stomach still gets shaky. Michael had skipped breakfast this morning but he ate lunch and now he's going to eat dinner. He just doesn't feel so great about it.

 

“Later? Sure, sweetie! We've got lots of time before you have to be asleep.” Christine says hopeful that she'll be able to sleep. Christine knows damn well that Michael and Jeremy are going to be out late. “What color would you want your nails painted, sweetie?” Christine asks looking at the clock and smiling cheerfully. Michael and Jeremy have been gone for about thirty minutes, and Faye seems fine.

 

“Purple!” Faye says. “Like my sweater.” She raises her hands with them covered with the sleeves, smiling. She decides that she likes Christine. Much better than her mommy, at least. She’s much nicer, and hasn’t tried to hurt her yet.

 

Jeremy looks concernedly at Michael. He decides to just go with the small talk, even though he doesn’t feel like talking. “We’re doing a musical, actually. It’s the Percy Jackson musical I was talking about, and we have three girls playing the leads. It’s supposed to be two boys and a girl, but they’re so good at it that I had to cast them.”The waiter comes over, carrying water. Jeremy smiles awkwardly at the waiter, then turns back to Michael. He could talk about his kids to Michael for hours. “It’s coming along so well, I think it’ll be the best show we’ve done yet.”

 

“Yeah, yeah I remember the Percy Jackson books. We read them together as kids.” Michael gestures with his hands because he's flustered. “You've never played me that musical before, we should listen to it sometime.” He smiles half heartedly. Michael's nervous. It's easy to see. He just hopes it doesn't worry Jeremy, so Jeremy doesn't call this entire night off.

 

Christine grabs the polish she reveals two different shades of purple to Faye. One is lighter and the other is darker with glitter. “You can have omen or the other... or both! And usually during stuff like this girls talk and stuff. You can ask me anything, I'd be happy to answer.” Christine smiles kneeling next to Faye.

 

Faye points at the darker one. “That one.” She says, smiling. She sits next to Christine, holding out her hand for Christine. “What was Daddy like when he was younger?” Faye asks. “What about Tatay?”

 

Jeremy tilts his head at Michael. “Yeah, maybe later. I think it would be alright for Faye, it’s pretty clean.” He starts absentmindedly stroking his thumb across Michael’s knuckles. “What about you? How’s the new game coming? You mentioned programming the three player mode.” Jeremy smiles at him. “Talk nerdy to me.” He tries to wink but ultimately failed.

 

Michael smiles at Jeremy, it's a smile of absolute joy. “It's coming along... it's just a struggle with how tired I've been I guess.” Michael sighs “But hey, it happens. Most of the levels are done with the coding. It just takes the whole generation of if you're playing with more players there's more enemies, ya know? We should be testing the game by next week and it'll be released soon. The Ruby programmers have been complaining about faults in the system but they're not really my problem. I'm in a completely different language.” Michael laughs. “I'm sorry, you probably don't know what some of that means…” he trails off.

 

“When they were young? Well, I moved here in middle school so I don't know too much. When they were high school? I know about that.” Christine takes Faye’s right hand. “Tatay was basically the same as he is now, just less worried in a way. He wasn't as anxious, I guess. He was very close with your Daddy.” Christine tells the stories as the brush strokes gingerly across Faye's nails. “Your Daddy went through a popular phase. But that's only because he had a squip in his head. It wasn't under his control at all. Otherwise he was the same, very shy. Very shaky, very nervous. He's a real sweetheart though.” Christine looks at Faye who almost looks confused.

 

Faye looks at Christine. “What’s a… squip? I’ve never heard of it. Why was it in Daddy’s head?” She looks down at her nails, where Christine’s brush slipped off her nail, dripping polish down her finger. “Auntie Christine, are you okay?”

 

Jeremy smiles at Michael. “No, I get it. From a player standpoint, at least. I’m excited to play it, see how great you’ve done on it.” He looks down at the menu, still holding Michael’s hand.

 

“It's not that great, Jeremy. It's just a game.” Michael sighs. He looks at his own menu and his stomach immediately tightens. He lets out a small wince. He lets go of Jeremy's hand and wraps it around his middle. “Sorry.” Michael's blushing, cause he's embarrassed.

 

“I'm fine, sweetie.” Christine rubs the dripping polish off Faye's finger and quickly finishes painting her nails. “It was in Daddy’s head because that's how they work. But I'm guessing they never told you about it. You should ask your parents about later, okay? They should be the ones to explain it to you.” Christine screws the nail polish shut. She just did the worst thing she could possibly do. “How about those video games?” Christine takes out her phone. [Jeremy, I hate to bother you while you're on a date but I have a problem.]

 

Faye looks like she wants to ask about it more, but just nods. If Christine wants her to ask her parents, she will. “Okay! I want to play Rock Band. Daddy says you sing? He normally sings when we play, but we haven’t done it in a while.” She says, jumping up.

 

Jeremy is just about to ask what’s wrong when his phone buzzes. He wants to ignore it, but he’s paranoid about Faye. “Hold on, Mikey. I got a text from Christine.” He swipes his phone open, seeing the text and starting to get worried. [What’s wrong? Is she okay?] He sends, almost immediately. He looks up at Michael.

 

Michael snaps out of his own pain. “Oh my god, what's wrong? Is Faye okay?” Suddenly nothing matters to Michael except his little girl. “What happened? What did Christine say?”

 

“Yeah I can sing. If Daddy sings what does Tatay do?” Christine asks walking with Faye to the basement. She reads the text from Jeremy. [She's fine, just asked me a question...I really don't want to ruin your date. But you should know. Faye asked what a squip was.]“And what do you play Faye?”

 

Faye grabs the cartridge and puts it in the console, then pulls out the guitar and microphone from the cabinet. “Oh, I play guitar, Tatay’s drums.” The game starts up, and Faye hands Christine the microphone, stringing the guitar around her neck. It’s already adjusted to her height.

 

Jeremy sees the […] to signify typing from Christine. Nothing I’d worse than those three dots. When the text appears, he almost drops his phone. “She’s not hurt.” Jeremy says quietly. “She just asked a question. Seriously, don’t worry about it.” He doesn’t want Michael freaking out and worrying. He puts his phone in his pocket after texting Christine: [Don’t tell her, I’ll take care of it later.] He looks back at Michael, pleading with his eyes for him to let it go.

 

“As long as she's okay.” Michael sighs. He feels his stomach shake again. “I won't ask. What were we talking about? I can't remember.” Michael looks away, not meeting Jeremy's eyes.

 

“That's right! I forgot your Tatay played drums when he was a kid. He used to carry around drumsticks everywhere.” Christine laughs. [I told her if she really wants to know to ask you later. Sorry!] “I've been playing rock and with your parents since rock band two came out! Your Daddy used to play guitar or bass.” [I'm really sorry, Jeremy.]

 

Faye looks at Christine. “Who are you texting? Are you texting my Daddy and Tatay? Tell them I said hi!” She’s almost forgotten about the squip. “What song do you want to do?”

 

Jeremy feels his phone buzz and checks it under the table. [It’s fine. Gtg.] He sends the text, then shuts it off. He looks up at Michael. “I think we were talking about your new game you’re developing. We can talk about something else if you want.”

 

“Uh. sure.” Michael's voice comes out shaky but he shakes it off. “I mean it's just the game development it's almost done thanks to me... ya know, I came up with the whole developing system. That's what that presentation was about.” Michael smiles. “I still need a picture of Faye for my desk. It's mostly just pictures of you and I. Well, really only three. Prom, our wedding, and just one of us playing video games. Helps me get through the day.”

 

“I was.” Christine says to Faye.“I know a few songs...I don't know what you guys usually play... oh, I know a song your Tatay liked in high school. Do you have Hands Down by Dashboard Confessional? Tatay sang it to your Daddy once. Your Daddy told me about it. Your Tatay doesn't like singing in front of people.”

 

Faye scrolls through the songs. “I think we do. There it is!” She selected it from the menu, setting herself as easy mode. The song starts, and Faye’s so engrossed in it that she almost completely forgets about the question she was supposed to ask.

 

“Of course you came up with it.” Jeremy smiles back at Michael. “Who took a picture of us playing video games? I blame either Jenna or Christine.” He laughs. The waiter comes over and asks them if they’re ready to order. Jeremy looks at Michael, wondering if he’ll be able to eat.

 

“I took the picture.” Michael mumbles, remembering taking it. Their controllers lay above their heads and they were holding hands. As Michael snapped the picture he kissed Jeremy. It was one of his favorite pictures of the two of them, and definitely one of the cutest. Michael looks and Jeremy and just nods like, he could eat. Doesn't mean it'll go well.

 

Christine struggles with the song a bit except for the end of it when the singing is a little high. She looks at Faye who doesn't seem to struggle with the guitar too much. As the song comes to the end she sees Faye smile. This girl is totally adorable. “What're some of your favorite songs Faye? I know Jerem- I mean Daddy and Tatay have specific music tastes.”

 

Faye thinks for a minute. “I like a lot of stuff. Some of Daddy’s music, some of Tatay’s music. Ooh!” She landed on a song- Jessie’s Girl. “I like this one. Can we, please?” She looked up at Christine, eyes wide.

 

Jeremy and Michael order, and Jeremy turns back to him. He finally acknowledges that Michael’s anxious. “Michael, are you alright? We can just get the food to go, eat in the car. Drive around for a bit. We don’t have to stay if you’re uncomfortable.” He tries to make it sound like Michael’s the only one, when neither of them like it.

 

“Just... nervous.” Michael admits. “I'd rather stay, unless you're uncomfortable! I'm sorry. I'm just nervous. I didn't mean to…” He bites his lip. “I mean, I have other things planned. We can take our time. Unless you do want to get home before Faye's asleep?” He asks. “I'd rather take it slow and spend a lot of time with you, personally.”

 

“Anything you want, Faye.” Christine smiles. “I like this song too.” Christine eyes the time. “Maybe after this we should eat some dinner?” Jeremy and Michael have been gone for a little while but it's still kinda late for a kid to eat.

 

Faye grins. “Okay!” She starts the song, playing through it, almost dancing with the guitar. She ends the song, flopping back onto her beanbag, giggling. She grins up at Christine. “That was fun! You sing real well.”

 

“I think… I think we shouldn’t have to get there before she goes to sleep.” He plays with the sleeves of his dress shirt, starting to wish he was wearing his cardigan, with its familiar holes in the cuffs. He’s really just putting off the question he knows Faye will ask them as soon as they get home. “I miss just talking to you, I want to spend as much time with you as possible.” He looks up into Michael’s eyes, feeling his face start to go red when his mind just says, ‘You want to do more than just talk.’

 

“Me too.” Michael smiles. “I've missed you. Just you. You and me. Just you and me.” Michael sighs. “Do you remember the first time we were here? We were in college…” Michael trails off remembering the times him and Jeremy would go on dates in college. Also scared and nervous. But somehow they'd end up back at their apartment smiling and giggling like idiots. They were always so happy with each other.

 

“Oh, thanks Sweetie!” Christine laughs helping Faye up. “So how about that dinner? Are you hungry?” Christine asks worried somehow she'll overstep a line again. She’s worried about it, almost dreading what'll happen when Jeremy comes home. If Jeremy told Michael...what would Michael do to her if he knew?

 

Faye nods vigorously. “I hope there’s mac and cheese!” She puts the guitar back in the cabinet, heading upstairs. She’s completely oblivious to what Christine’s worried about. “Auntie Christine?” She sticks her head around the door, looking into the basement. “You coming?” She grins at her.

 

Jeremy laughed quietly. “Yeah, I remember. It was right before my huge exam. Didn’t we go to a bar or something? We left almost immediately, but I got so drunk, remember?” He grins at the memory, even though it was an awful experience at the time, it is fun to look back. “I had to take my exam hungover. Felt like shit, but I passed. Didn’t you come pick me up from that? I’m pretty sure I was very flirty with you, I seem to remember a lot of awful pick up lines.”

 

“Yeah, it was really, super adorable.” Michael bites his lip, he's blushing really hard. “You're better than me when I'm drunk though, I'm sure. I get like you when you're high. Very emotional, usually angry? At time, very sound sensitive. Depends on the alcohol.” Michael sighs. “All our dates used to end super weird. Except for our... what was it? Eleventh date? That was the first time you held my hand in public.” Michael smiles a little wider. “See, I remember sentimental shit.”

 

“Yeah, of course.” Christine says following Faye. She smiles and giggles. She knows Michael gets protective of Jeremy, but of his daughter? She checks her phone... nothing there. She's nervous. This was supposed to be a fun night! Christine sighs. “Daddy said there was food for you in the fridge.” Christine opens it. “What do ya know, it's cold macaroni and cheese. Want me to heat it up?”

 

Faye lights up. “Please?” She climbs onto her chair, where a small pillow sits so she can see over the table. “Auntie Christine, what kind of music do you like?” She asks as Christine heats up the mac and cheese.

 

Jeremy laughs at Michael’s blush. “You’re talking about me being adorable, Mr. Sentimental.” He grins. “We did end some dates very oddly. Like before we got the apartment, when we were in the dorms? It was our… seventh date, I think. My dorm mate walked in on us making out and he had no clue you were my boyfriend. The look on his face-” Jeremy laughs, covering his mouth with his hands.

 

“That was hilarious.” Michael sighs. “First time we actually like... made out using our tongues too, that was fun.” He laughs. “Is it just me or were all our firsts kinda awkward?” He looks directly at Jeremy, in his eyes. “I enjoyed our first kiss despite how messy it was. Not talking about the first kiss in the city, that was cute. But in your basement?” Michael remembers it. “You know what else was super awkward? Our honeymoon. I think we spent a lot of time stuttering and scared of... cause we didn't know!” Michael laughs.

 

Christine places the cold food in the microwave. “My music? I like musicals. Showtunes. Ever listen to a musical?” Christine asks. “I love, love, love the theatre!” She squeaks.

 

“Daddy does play them in the car every so often, but he normally changes the song very fast.” She pouts. “Says they’re not good for kids. They sounded fun, though. One of them was actually called fun. Big fun?” She shrugs. “Daddy said that wasn’t good for me to hear.”

 

“My dad literally walked in on us! I still feel sort of betrayed that he knew you had a crush on me and never told me.” Jeremy grins to let Michael know he’s kidding. “Not all our firsts were bad. There was our first day in the apartment, that was fun. But yeah, our honeymoon was pretty bad.” He looks at Michael, loving how easily and casually he smiles and laughs. “What about our first time saying ‘I love you?’” Jeremy grins. “Do you remember that one? I’m pretty sure I’ve blotted out most of it from my memory in embarrassment.”

 

“I'd been wanting to say it forever and I wanted to make it perfect... yeah, I remember. It just slipped out of me and my eyes got all wide. You were sooooo scared.” Michael smiles. “I couldn't help myself! You looked so handsome Jeremy, I mean you always do! Have I said it recently? I don't think so... I love you, Jeremy.” He smiles and winks.

 

“Big Fun? Yeah that one probably isn't for you!” Christine laughs. “I'm sure... I can find some kind of musical song for you to listen to. I think I know more musicals than your Daddy.” Christine scrolls through her phone. “Want me to find something?”

 

Faye’s eyes lit up. “Oh, can you? I’m sure it’ll be better than Bob Marley!” She realizes what she said and her eyes widen, her smile dropping. “Don’t tell Tatay I said that. He really likes him.”

 

Jeremy laughs, turning pink at the compliment. “I love you too! And I seem to remember it slipped out of you at the worst possible time.” He raised an eyebrow at Michael. “In the middle of my one audition. And I was standing on a chair at the time.” He grins. “Luckily, they thought I performed well, despite distractions, so thanks for that.”

 

“I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself. You just fill my heart with joy!” Michael says. “Let's see what else was awkward? Um... telling everyone else we were dating? Jenna nearly freakin exposed us to her blog!” Michael rolls his eyes. “What about cute moments? Although every moment is cute with you.” Michael blushes. “I can't stop thinking about the time we went to the arcade the day after we graduated, we didn't want life to change. Do you miss that? Running around like idiots? You being a handsome idiot at that?”

 

“That's okay sweetie, everyone has different tastes in music.” Christine says. She puts the bowl on the table for Faye to eat. She finds a song from rent. One Song, Glory. Christine's parents used to let her listen to it when she was little. “This one is probably okay for a kid. I listened to it as a kid, don't worry, it picks up.”

 

Faye sits there, completely silent, just eating her food and listening to the song. She starts tapping her foot, smiling into her bowl. When the song finishes, she looks up at Christine. “That was really good! Do you have more?” She asks. She sees why her Daddy likes them.

 

Jeremy’s face gets even more red, almost as red as Michael’s hoodie. “It’s not like I literally screamed ‘I’m Heere and I’m queer’ and then kissed you. Oh wait, I did.” He grins. “And of course I miss that. Next chance we get, we’re going to go back there. Maybe bring Faye to my dad’s, or yours. Or Chloe and Brooke’s place- wait they moved to the city. Maybe Rich and Jake’s then.And we’re going to go to all the places we used to go. Spencer’s gifts, the arcade. All of them.” Jeremy’s already imagining it, remembering how excited Michael gets over the old fashioned pinball machines and original Atari games at the arcade.

 

“I'd love that.” Michael smiles. “Maybe for our wedding anniversary we could do that.” Michael sighs. He's thinking of a lot right now. “Hey Jer? Can I be entirely honest with you right now and tell you my stomach is acting up a bit? I'm sure I'll be fine, but I just wanted to warn you.” Michael sighs. “Just a warning, I'm sure it's nothing.”

 

“Yeah, I have more.” Christine says. She plays a lot more for Faye: Seasons of Love, from Rent; Crazier Than You, from Addams Family; For Forever, From Dear Evan Hansen; Tomorrow, from Annie; Seize The Day, from Newsies. “Sorry there's a swear word in that one!” Christine laughs. “Please don't tell your fathers.” And she continues to play more Songs: Castle On a Cloud, from Les Misérables; Defying Gravity, from Wicked; Those Magic Changes, from Grease; When Your Feet Don't Touch the Ground, from Finding Neverland; Helpless, from Hamilton; Be Our Guest, from Beauty and The Beast; and so many more. “So what do you think?”

 

Faye stopped eating a while ago and is just staring at Christine’s phone, speechless. “Wow.” She says breathily. “Those were so good.” She looks up at Christine, her eyes wide. “Have you done shows, like Daddy? I went to some of his practices, there were girls singing about… plans and trees and gods. It was fun, but I fell asleep.” She shrugs.

 

Jeremy gives a sympathetic smile and reaches out to squeeze Michael’s hand. “I’m glad you told me. I know it’ll be hard, but at least try to eat a little? Just a few bites at least.”

 

“Of course, Jer.” Michael sighs. “I'm sorry I got like this, I never thought I'd be this bad.” He gives Jeremy a nervous smile and something that sounds like a scoff. “But let’s not talk about my problems for once in our lives. I feel like that's all we ever have time to deal with these days. Faye and our problems.” He sighs again. As the dinner went on, the boys did find other things to talk about. It's close to eight when Michael and Jeremy are walking through a park where they had their first kiss in the city. Michael remembers it so clearly, Jeremy skipping in the rain. He was singing Singing In The Rain. Michael pulled him out of a puddle and out of the way of traffic and kissed him. Michael sang back. He loved that moment so much. He notices Jeremy's a little worried. “Hey, handsome, what's wrong?” Michael asks stopping the walk and looking into Jeremy's ocean eyes.

 

Christine explains musicals to Faye and then looks at the time. “Sweetie, I think it's about time we get you to bed!” She giggles. “You look tired too. Want me to tuck you in?” Christine asks. She notices the time and the fact that Jeremy and Michael are still out. She hopes it won't be a problem.

 

Faye yawns. “B-but Daddy and Tatay aren’t home yet.” She rubs her eyes. She’s very tired, but wants to stay up until they come home. She’s not quite sure why, but then she remembers. “I had to ask them a question…” But her eyes are already heavy. “When will they be home?” She asks Christine, her eyes starting to get a little teary.

 

Jeremy shrugs, giving Michael a half smile. “Faye asked Christine a question that we’ll have to answer when we get home. It’s fine.” It’s not really fine. How do you explain that to a child? He takes Michael’s hand. “Let’s just keep walking.”

 

 

Just the fact that Jeremy isn't specifying the question is starting to scare Michael; however, he keeps walking anyways. Michael blows a strand of his hair out of his face. His hair only falling out because... well, things can get messy in hotel rooms. “Jeremy…” Michael pauses. He knows Jeremy probably doesn't want him to push but he'd much rather ask him than take out his phone and text Christine. “I know you probably don't want me to know... but I have to.” Michael leans into Jeremy a little bit. He stops at the exact spot he kissed Jeremy. He kisses him the same way. “Had to do that first.” Michael blushes and smiles. “But um... what the hell did Faye ask?”

 

“I don't know when they're getting home Faye, I'm sorry.” Christine kneels next to Faye. “We should at least get you in bed. I'm sure Mi-Tatay and Daddy will be home soon.” She takes Faye’s hand and walks with her upstairs. “I'm sure they'll be here soon.” She repeats hoping Faye won't start crying.

 

Faye sniffles. “They are coming back, right? They wouldn’t leave me?” She says, looking through her drawers for her pajamas. She doesn’t look at Christine, and her voice is so quiet she isn’t sure if she heard her.

 

Jeremy looks down, a small smile on his face. He reaches up and brushes Michael’s hair out of his face. “Don’t worry about it.” He kisses Michael again, trying to distract him. Michael looks at him, and he can’t hide it anymore. “She asked… she asked what a squip was. I’m sure it wasn’t Christine’s fault, I didn’t warn her not to say anything. Please don’t be mad at her. I told her to tell Faye to ask me, not her. I can handle it when we’re home, it doesn’t matter.” He looks down, taking Michael’s hand. “Let’s just keep walking, please. We can worry about this later.”

 

Michael is standing straight up and he tries to keep walking and he swings their hands while walking but he stops. “Nope, can't do this. I love you, Jeremy and we need to do this more often! We do. I love you, I love you, I love you... but I need us to go home now.” Michael stops dead in his tracks, and takes Jeremy's wrist and starts sprinting. Faye said squip? That’s not something Michael wants to hear. He stops once they get to the car and looks at Jeremy. “I'm sorry. I can't.” He kisses Jeremy again. “I love you.” It's pretty clear Michael's freaked out. Then he looks at Jeremy very closely. “Faye's gonna ask about your neck. We're gonna have to cover that.”

 

“Honey, they'd never leave you! I'm sure they're on their way back right now!” Christine has no idea how accurate she is. She also has no idea how pissed Michael is at her. “Do you want me to text them, sweetie? I'm pretty sure Daddy's phone is off, but your Tatay’s phone is probably on.”

 

Faye nods. She wipes away her tears with her sleeve, yawning. “I miss them.” She says quietly, climbing into her bed, her pajamas on. She grabs her bear, hugging him.

 

Everything happens so fast that Jeremy doesn’t even realize they’re at the car for a second. “Wait, what?” Then he realizes. “Oh, fuck, I forgot about that.” His hands fly to his neck, to the bruises already forming. “Shit, she’s going to think you hurt me. And calm down, Michael. She’s going to be fine. I can do this on my own, I can talk to her. I love you too, by the way.” He gets into the car after kissing Michael one last time.

 

“Oh my god, she's going to think I hurt you!” Michael squeaks. He's clearly overwhelmed. “Sorry. I didn't even think about. My hoodie could probably cover all the marks...damn I marked you bad.” Michael winces. “Sorry about that.” He blushes starting the cruiser. “I can talk to her too, ya know.”

 

“I know you do, and I'm sure they miss you too!” Christine says taking out her phone. [Hey M, Faye's headed to bed. She's just wondering if you guys are coming home soon?] “Just texted your Tatay. I'm sure he'll respond soon.” She smiles at Faye and sits next to her bed. “I'll stay right until they get back, okay?”

 

Faye nods, going further under the covers. “Okay. Thank you, Auntie Christine. I had a lot of fun.” She gives a sad smile, pulling her bear close. “Are you going to visit again?”

 

Jeremy smiles slightly. “I asked for it. I literally begged for it. I don’t mind.” He blushes, rubbing his neck. “I’ll have to find something to wear. Maybe your hoodie, I think I have a turtleneck hidden somewhere.” He sighs. “I know you can, but I don’t think we need you freaking out on her, or telling her too much. I can do it, it’s no trouble.” He winces. “That came out harsher than I meant.”

 

“The wince? It was adorable.” Michael starts driving. “And if you want to talk to her, that's fine but I'd at least like to be with you.” Michael hears his phone go off. “Shit Jer, can you text for me?” Michael grips the steering wheel like his life depends on it. “Also be honest, if I pressed my finger into one of those hickies... how bad would you whine?” Michael cocks an eyebrow.

 

“I hope I can come visit again soon. I had lots of fun too.” Christine sits with her legs up, and keeps her eyes on her phone. Where could Jeremy and Michael possibly be? “I'll try to come visit more often, okay?”

 

Faye smiles. “I’d like that.” She twists her head, trying to see Christine’s phone screen. She sighs, putting her head back on her pillow. “I wish they were home, right now.” She says, feeling tears.

 

Jeremy takes Michael’s phone and is about to start texting Christine when Michael asks his question. “M-Mikey, you’re driving.” He says, feeling his face go bright red. “And it depends, how much do you want me to whine?” He says, not looking up from Michael’s phone. [We’re on our way, Michael’s driving. We’ll be there in about ten minutes. Tell her we love her if shes still awake. -J] He sends the text.

 

“The fact I'm asking, I think you know how much I want you to whine, Jeremy.” He sighs. “I really want to... but driving is more important... I wish I wasn't fucking driving.” Michael's trying to distract himself from Faye for the moment. At least he's on his way home. As Michael gets stuck in traffic, he looks at Jeremy. “Oh shit, look I'm not driving.” Michael presses a finger into Jeremy's neck.

 

“They're on their way home. Tatay's driving his car right now. They say they love you, Faye.” Christine smiles. Hope you guys had a good time. [She really misses you. I'm afraid she's gonna start crying soon.] Christine turns around and looks at Faye. “They'll be here soon.”

 

Faye nods, burying her face in her pillow. “I love them too. Can you tell them that?” She sniffles, wiping her nose on her sleeve. “I’ve never fallen asleep without them here, not since I came here.”

 

Jeremy jumps in surprise, letting out a loud whine. “Michael!” He says, his face bright red. “F-fuck you. Keep your eyes on the road.” He doesn’t move Michael’s hands away, though. Actually, he grabs his wrist, holding it there for a second. He can’t help that it feels good.

 

“Awe, you really do sounds beautiful.” Michael takes his hands back as the light turns green. “We need to go on dates more often. Like a monthly thing. Cause I miss you still and you're sitting right next to me.” Michael parks in the driveway of their house. “I love you, Jeremy. Thank you for a wonderful evening.”

 

Christine hears the car and sighs. “I don't think I have to text them. That might be them right now.” Christine says. She looks at Faye. “Just try to sleep, okay? I'm gonna have to go talk to your parents.” Christine runs downstairs and sees the Michael's cruiser is indeed, parked in the driveway.

 

Faye nods, but as soon as Christine’s gone, she slides out of bed, going over to her window. She sees the cruiser and grins, sticking her head out of her bedroom door. Who would want to sleep when their parents get home?

 

Jeremy’s face is still hot. “I’d like that.” He says as they park. He sees Christine in the window and gives her a small wave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Sorry, this was posted late. I promise I’ll try to be more on time from now on. Let me know what you thought of the chapter!   
> Also, has anybody listened to the new bmc song of “The Loser, The Geek or Whatever” Because it’s amazing. I recommend.  
> ~ PlayerOneMell


	9. Faye Finds Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Faye discovers what a SQUIP is with a shaky explanation from her dads.

“We’ll need to distract Faye from these.” He gestures at the markings on his neck. He checks himself in the mirror, trying to cover up as much as he can with his collar.

 

“Just let me go in the house first in case she's there. I'll go into her room, you can change. It's all good! It'll be fine.” Michael says, getting out of the car with Jeremy. “You're absolutely stunning Jeremy, do you know that?” Michael smiles taking his hand and walking with him to their door. “I love you.” Michael says as he kisses Jeremy one more time. He opens the door and enters the house. He immediately shoots Christine a glare.

 

“Hey guys! I'm sorry about... the squip thing. I hope you guys had fun! She was totally awesome. Very good at rockband.” Christine laughs. “We listened to a few musical songs and she just got into bed, but something tells me she isn't asleep.”

 

Faye remembers she’s supposed to be in bed. She sees her parents and wants to go hug them, right now, but she also doesn’t want to get scolded. She goes back into her room, curling up under the covers again. Her tears are almost all gone.

 

Jeremy links his fingers with Michael’s. “I love you too.” When they’re inside, he can feel Michael’s grip tighten. “We did have fun, thank you. And… it’s fine, Christine.” He says, even though it really isn’t. Then he remembers something. “In fact, Michael had a little too much fun, so I need to change my shirt. Can you keep Faye occupied?” He turns to Michael. He kisses his cheek, whispering in his ear. “Don’t kill Christine, please.” He pulls away and smiles.

 

“Yeah…. sure.” He's still glaring at Christine. He throws her the hotel key. “Thanks for that. And because Jeremy just told me not to kill you for fucking up my daughter, I'm gonna have to ask you to get the fuck out of my house.” Michael's angry and that's pretty clear. He takes a deep breath. “Sorry. I'm glad you had a fun time. Thank for the keys and watching Faye.” Michael's struggling. He really wants to scream. He pushes it to the back of his mind, maybe it isn't true. “Did you just say musicals?”

 

“Totally child appropriate musicals! Like Disney and other stuff. She said Jeremy's never let her listen to one so I played a few songs from a few different ones that are totally child appropriate. She likes them. Something about being better than Bob Marley? She told me not to tell you, it slipped out. She knows you love him, Michael.” Christine's rambling. She catches the keys somehow. “She really does love you guys. She's an adorable little girl, and I'm glad you guys found her. Goodnight, Heeres.” Christine exits the house leaving the boys to figure out what to do with a curious five year old.

 

Jeremy sighs. “Well… I need to go change.” He squeezes Michael’s hand before letting go. “If she asks, don’t say anything until I’m there, okay? I’ll be back in a minute.” He races upstairs, avoiding Faye’s room, going straight to their bedroom. He tries to remember where he put the turtleneck, but he hears Faye in the other room. He quickly grabs Michael’s hoodie and throws it on. It covers a good portion of the hickeys, and if he doesn’t let Faye see his left side, he’ll be okay.

 

Faye hears someone go right past her door and frowns. Then she hears Michael coming up the stairs and jumps out of bed, opening her door. She runs up to Michael, wrapping her arms around his leg. “Tatay! I missed you.”

 

“Hey, kiddo!” Michael says, picking her up to properly hug her. “I missed you too!” He walks back into her room. “Did you have a fun time with Auntie Christine? She said you played rockband. You didn't play my drums now, did you?” Michael keeps Faye in his arms hoping she won't ask. He's hoping so hard she won't ask. More than anything in the world. If she asks, Jeremy needs to be in here.

 

“No, I played guitar. She’s a really good singer. I think Daddy’s better, though.” She says, wrapping her arms around him. “Tatay? Auntie Christine said something about a… a squid? No, a squip. What is that?” She asks innocently, looking up at Michael.

 

Jeremy opens the bedroom door, coming to stand next to Faye and Michael. “Honey, I think we’ll need to answer that question when you’re in bed.” He’s trying to stay calm, so Michael doesn’t freak out, but the memories keep popping up.

 

Michael places Faye in bed and kisses her forehead. He takes Jeremy's hand to show support. He moves a curl out of Jeremy's face. He can tell Jeremy's just as scared as he is. “We don't have to do this.” He whispers. He makes Jeremy lean on him as he looks down at Faye. He doesn't want Faye to know. Isn't there someway they can get her to sleep and just ignore this question forever?

 

Jeremy looks at Michael worriedly. “We do, though.” He whispers back. “You know what she’s like, she’ll never stop asking. Curiosity killed the cat, you know?” He presses his hand not holding Michael’s against his pant leg, trying to breathe evenly. “Faye, honey. This is a… touchy subject. I’m going to try and explain it as best as I can, but…” He takes a deep breath and squeezes Michael’s hand.

 

Faye tilts her head at them. “Daddy, what is it? Is it a bad word, like what you and Tatay tell me not to say?” She looks at Jeremy. “Is it something that hurt you?”

 

Michael's starting to freak out. Jeremy doesn't look good and Faye never stops asking questions. This is an awful situation. He hates it more than anything. “It... hurt both of us.” Michael sighs. “Faye, I think all you need to know is that you should never go near one. It's not safe.” He looks at Jeremy.

 

Jeremy squeezes Michael’s hand. “Faye… you may hear some very wrong things about them, and if you mention me, people may start to talk.” Jeremy takes a deep breath, he’s seen all the conspiracy theories and ideas people have on the internet. He’s been relatively free from scrutiny, and the case was pretty much closed and covered up by now, but there’s still the odd rumors floating around. “The squip is a very, very bad thing. I was hurt by it in high school, really badly. I… let myself be hurt by it, thinking it would help me. It didn’t. Please promise me that if anyone mentions it, offers it to you, or says something about taking it, you tell them no. Don’t go anywhere near it.” He’s trying, so hard.

 

Faye nods. “Daddy, are you okay? You seem upset.” She’s sitting up in bed, looking between Michael and Jeremy. “Is this why your back was glowing?” She asks quietly. She knows Michael said it was just her imagination, but she knows that isn’t true.

 

“Daddy's back doesn't glow, Faye.” Michael says denying it, again. She's not letting Faye know about this. Not about Jeremy's side effects. She can know about the squip but not what goes on in Jeremy's head. Michael gives off a small twitch and then a deep breath. He brings Jeremy closer to him. “And Daddy's fine. It's just hard to remember... right, Jer?”

 

Jeremy nods. “I’m fine now. We’re both fine. I promise, sweetheart.” He smiles at Faye, but its forced. He just wants to be held by Michael, he doesn’t want to talk about this. “That’s really all you need to know. We’ll talk about this more when you’re older. Way older.” He takes a deep breath. “You should sleep, honey.” He leans down to kiss her forehead.

 

Faye nods, snuggling down into the covers. She’s too tired to ask anymore questions. “I love you. Mahal kita.” Her eyes close, thankfully for Jeremy and Michael. She’s asleep in a matter of seconds, if her small snores are any indication.

 

Michael hears the snoring and takes Jeremy and him out of the room after taking Faye’s glasses off for her. They reach their own bedroom and Michael puts his arms around Jeremy's waist. One is cradling Jeremy's head. “Hey, are you okay?” Michael asks, kissing Jeremy's head. He knows that was hard for him. He despised watching it.

 

Jeremy leans his head against Michael’s chest. “No, not really. I had to try to not break down during it.” He sighs. “How do you explain that to a kid?” He groans. “God, I hate lying to her about anything, but it’s for her own good.”

 

“Lying to her about this is totally acceptable, Jeremy.” He kisses Jeremy's head again. “You did well, Jer. I tried to help. You okay or do you want to go to sleep too? I know you're probably tired.” Michael says, still holding Jeremy close to him. “You're fucking adorable in my hoodie by the way.”

 

Jeremy laughs, turning red. “I don’t know, I think I like you better in it.” He grins, going on his tiptoes to kiss Michael. “I’m fine. I think. I don’t know if sleeping is a good idea for me, after… you know.” He flushes. “I meant talking about the squip. Not, ah, that.”

 

“Hey, that's fine. I wasn’t exactly planning on sleeping.” Michael gives off another twitch. “Could we at least lay down though? I'm not doing it unless you are.” Michael sighs. “My chest kinda hurts.” Michael admits as he left arm twitches again. He nervously laughs but keeps his hold on Jeremy.

 

 

“Yeah. We should.” Jeremy doesn’t want to, but he loosens Michael’s grip and makes his way over to the closet. “While I love this hoodie- it’s comfortable as fuck- I need to change.” He pulls it off, tossing it to Michael. He’s still wearing his dress shirt under it. He takes that off too. “That’s… that’s a lot more than I thought.” Almost his entire chest is covered in hickeys. “We went a little overboard.” He says, laughing. 

 

Michael giggles. “You almost looked diseased.” He's so proud of himself. Michael takes off the dress shirt he was wearing and put on his hoodie. “Damn I went down your stomach too...and I got your hips which you can't even see yet. I'm sorry.” Michael blushes. “You just... I just... you sound so pretty.” Michael says, changing into sweatpants. He flops on the bed and his arm gives another twitch which he tries to hide.

 

“What, you think I’m complaining? I asked you to do this.” Jeremy rolls his eyes, throwing on a t-shirt and sweatpants. “I’m slightly worried about going to work with it on my neck, but I’ll figure something out.” He shrugs, falling into bed next to Michael. “You alright?” He asks, taking Michael’s hand.

 

Michael's left hand is in Jeremy's, and he sighs. He knows Jeremy's going to feel his twitches if they stay like this. He gives off another twitch and looks at Jeremy who doesn't look too concerned. “I'm just a little shaken. Should be fine.” Michael says staring at the ceiling. He didn't want Faye to know about the squip and she knows now. It's only a sliver of information, but she knows the word. Michael twitches again and a wince comes with it. “I should be just fine. Just have to stop twitching is all.” Michael sighs.

 

Jeremy pulls Michael closer to him until they’re right next to each other. “If you need anything, just tell me, okay? She’ll hopefully be satisfied with just that.” He sighs, looking up at the ceiling. “I hope she is. I know we’re both shaken, and I don’t want to tell her anything else about that, ever. I don’t plan to unless she directly asks and seems ready.” He turns his head, looking at Michael. He kisses his cheek and squeezes his hand, trying to stop the twitching.

 

“Okay but let's say we go out on a date again? What happens then? Christine or Jenna or Brooke or Chloe or Rich or Jake tells her about it?” Michael's twitch was a little bigger that time. “Sorry.” He sighs. “I just worry she'll get one someday or something. I know there's people out there trying to disconnect the squip network, but that doesn't mean they're gone, Jer.” Michael sighs. “I'm sorry I probably sound-” His sentence is cut off by a twitch and a wince. “Sorry.”

 

Jeremy turns over, wrapping Michael in his arms. “I know. But I’m hoping that if we raise her right, she’ll be fine. I know they’re not gone, but hopefully they’re gone from our lives.” He sighs. “And if we do need one of them to watch her, we tell them what not to say. Ever. That should be enough. It’s really all we can do.”

 

Michael nods. His left arm really hurts but he tries to just let that go. “Raising her right doesn't always have to do with getting squipped though, right? I mean... actually, now that I think about it? Rich's father was an alcoholic, your parents didn't take care of you, and Jake's parents were never around. Jenna was adopted after years of being in a terrible orphanage. Maybe it is related. But Jeremy, we were also bullied which I think pushed you, right? I'm sorry I know you don't like talking about it.” Michael's rambling. He takes a deep breath. “Do ever fear that Faye is getting bullied?” Michael asks, looking up at Jeremy. Michael does worry about it from time to time, but he doesn't really know what it's like for Faye at school. “I mean, Faye's never really talked about friends before.” Michael worries, maybe too much. He just wants to protect his family, is that so bad? 

 

“I-I’m slightly worried about it, yeah.” Jeremy says, trying not to let Michael know just how worried he is. “I don’t want her to go through what we did. We’ll have to talk to her teacher about it. Try to get her involved in school things, maybe?” He closes his eyes. “I just wonder if maybe… her having two dads is going to hurt her in the long run. There’s still people out there who will take it all wrong, and kids really repeat what their parents say, so there’s no guarantee they won’t say anything about it.” He sighs.

 

“She's never mentioned friends before and it just makes me wonder.” Michael sighs. “Maybe we should talk to her about school sometime, see what's going on? Maybe talk to her tomorrow morning?” Michael shrugs. He twitches again. He yawns. “Just to see if it's going well. I've never spoken to her about school, you?”

 

“I’ve talked to her about it a little, but not much. Mostly she talked about the classes, I suppose I didn’t really realize she wasn’t talking about the people.” Jeremy leans his head on Michael’s shoulder, feeling him twitch again. He opens his eyes and looks up at him, feeling worried. “Michael, are you seriously okay? You’ve been twitching for a while now. Do you need anything?”

 

He shrugs, “I can't stop twitching, don't know why. I think I'm okay.” He sighs. He can feel tears in his eyes but he still can't explain why. He doesn't feel anxious, just something's wrong. He can tell he's warm because Jeremy's freezing cold. Jeremy's normal cold, but this is like extreme cold. He twitches again. “Sorry Jeremy, I don't know why I keep twitching.” He takes a deep breath but it brings on another twitch. Michael has no idea what's going on.

 

Jeremy sits up, propping himself on his elbow to look at Michael. “It’s fine, you’re going to be okay.” He kisses Michael’s forehead. “You’re really hot, and I don’t mean in the normal way.” He puts his hand on his forehead. “Do you have a fever? Are you sick?” He says, feeling slightly frantic.

 

“I'm never sick Jeremy, that can't be.” Michael twitches again. “Probably just... I dunno anxiety or something. I'll be fine.” He sighs. “If I was sick that would be bad cause you get sick easily and we've been very... connected.” Michael flushes and twitches again. “Damn. Why can't I stop twitching?” He wonders out loud. It is rather odd.

 

Jeremy feels his face go red. “You’re going to be okay. Just try to calm down, I’m going to get you some water, okay?” He kisses Michael’s forehead again. “I’ll be right back.” He gets up, heading to the kitchen. As soon as he’s there, he’s hit by a memory- Michael, twitching on the floor while the squip activated. He shuts his eyes, trying to shake it off. He grabs a glass, trying to fill it with shaky hands. He takes a deep breath and heads back upstairs.

 

Michael sits there. He's calm. It's weird. He just sits there. Something's wrong. Something's off. He's not scared or anxious or anything... he's almost numb. He just knows something's off. He twitches again. The twitch turning into a spasm. “Shit.” He mumbles. He just sits there. Staring at the things in the room. Jeremy's cardigan on the floor, the phone charger on his bedside table. His headphones hanging on the head board. It's all there... but something feels wrong. 

 

Jeremy sets the glass of water on the bedside table. “Mikey, are you alright?” He’s glad Michael’s not crying anymore, but this silence is somehow even worse. It’s almost like… flashbacks again. Michael looking straight through him, walking away, leaving Jeremy with a bottle of red… He shuts it down, he can’t cry or get panicky when Michael’s hurt. He sits next to him on the bed, reaching out to take his hand.

 

“I think so. Something just feels off. Maybe an off day.” He says it very quietly. He doesn't feel like himself at all. He shrugs. He twitches. He spasms. “I'm okay.” He sighs looking at Jeremy. He gives him a smile that looks real, but feels fake.

 

“You don’t look okay.” Jeremy says, worriedly. “I mean, you always look better than okay, attractiveness wise, but you know what I meant. You look sick.” He looks up at Michael. “Do… do you think you could sleep? I know there’s the nightmares and all, but I’m right here. I’ll wake you up if you need.”

 

“I don't know how I feel.” Michael admits. “I don't know what to feel. I just feel like something's wrong and that's all I know.” He stares back at the ceiling. “I'm sure I'm fine.” He knows this is part of his head, mental illness. Michael will probably never admit it, but these are signs of depression. He doesn't seem to care... but Jeremy's not wrong. He does look ill. He twitches again. “Why can't I stop twitching? Usually it's a sign of anxiety but I'm just... eh.”

 

Jeremy winces at his twitching. “It’s going to be alright. Okay?” He squeezes his hand. “Just try to at least rest. I’m going to be right here, I’m not letting anything happen to you.” He leans over, kissing Michael’s cheek. “I promise.”

 

“That's not even what I'm scared of. I'm actually not scared at all, really. Just... what if I just wake up still like this?” He sighs. Another twitch. “But whatever. I'm probably just really tired.” He pulls Jeremy close to him. “I'm fine. I'll sleep for you.” He kisses Jeremy's head. “Thanks for a wonderful night, Jeremy.” Michael places his glasses on his bedside table but stays close to Jeremy. “I love you, player two.”

 

Jeremy curls into Michael’s side, but doesn’t bother closing his eyes. He can’t do it, not when the memories are so vivid. He sighs, trying to stay quiet, but he can feel his heart start pounding. Even blinking makes them appear- Michael, bleeding on the floor, twitching, crying. Then all of the sudden it’s not just Michael anymore. It’s Faye. Jeremy’s eyes fly open, and he feels tears. He must have fallen asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Proud I finally got this posted in time! I’m already editing chapter ten. I should be back to posting regularly again. I know some of you are back at school - so good luck this school year. Just remember to take deep breaths.   
> Hope you guys enjoyed the chapter! Bad editing is all on me because I’m doing all the editing.   
> ~ PlayerOneMell


	10. Jeremy Gets High

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy can’t take the horror of what he sees when he closes his eyes. Knowing that he can’t seek help in Michael or Faye - Jeremy decides to do something he never thought he’d do again.

“Jeremy?” Michael asks, seeing how bad he's crying. “Baby, are you okay?” Michael has shoved his glasses back on and he's fully sitting up. Michael struggled falling asleep but as soon as he heard Jeremy crying he woke up. Suddenly, Michael could feel again, he is okay. “Hun, I'm right here.”

 

Jeremy wipes his tears away. “I-I’m okay. Just a n-nightmare.” Now he can’t get the image of Faye, curled on the floor like Michael had been, bleeding. It was years ago the incident of Michael being squipped happened, but it never left Jeremy’s mind. He shuts his eyes, pressing the heels of his hands against them until he starts seeing spots. “G-go back to sleep, I’m fine.” He can’t seem to stop his stuttering. 

 

“Yeah, I wasn't asleep. That's cute though.” Michael says, taking Jeremy's hands away from his face. “And you're not fine. I can tell. You were asleep for awhile and I couldn't get you to wake up.” Michael sighs. “Faye woke up too. I have no idea what she's up to. I think she's back asleep, but I'm not sure.” Michael sighs. What a screwed up bunch the three of them are. “Do you want to talk about it or do you just want me to hold you, Jer?” Michael asks, knowing the standard procedures for Jeremy's nightmares.

 

Jeremy bites his lip. “I-I just was remembering what happened, you know, the night you got sq-squi- that.” He can’t bring himself to say the word. “And-and then you made me think of Faye getting-“ He blinks away more tears. “And in-instead of you it w-was-“ He stops talking, ending the sentence in a sob. He draws his knees to his chest, looking away from Michael.

 

“I'm sorry.” Michael squeaks. Michael never stopped twitching, but he doesn't care right now. Jeremy’s more important that minute muscle spasms. He’s used to the twitching now. He scoops Jeremy into his lap and holds him there. “You know that's never going to happen. You know it. It's going to be okay.” Michael says trying to comfort Jeremy. He kisses Jeremy's cheek wiping away some tears on the other side with his thumb. “Jer, I'm right here. We will never let that happen. That's never ever going to happen.” Michael says in his low soothing tone voice instead of his normal happy voice. He holds Jeremy close to him.

 

Jeremy nods, not speaking for a while. He finally gets up the effort to speak. “I c-can’t stop thinking about you and when you w-were bleeding and then it was her and I can’t let that happen ever again. To either of you.” His breath catches and he leans further against Michael. “S-sorry. Your shirt is already wet.”

 

“It's just a shirt Jeremy, we can wash it. I can change. Tears are just salty water.” Michael smiles at him for being concerned about his shirt. “And hey, that's never going to happen to her. It'll never happen to me again. Okay? It's not real.” Michael says, twitching. “And don't be sorry. I'm okay.” He says hearing a squeak from Faye's room. “About Faye asleep, I don't think she is.” He hears a small knock on the door. “Stay strong, sweetheart.” Michael says, kissing Jeremy and letting him out his lap. He opens the door to a crying Faye.

 

“Tatay?” She's crying and she's look up at him. She clings to her leg. “Tatay, I had a nightmare and I'm scared and I can't sleep.” Faye's closing her eyes but then she looks at Jeremy. “Is Daddy okay? Daddy, did you have a nightmare too?” She looks up at Michael who's twitching. “What's going on?” 

 

Jeremy looks at Faye, trying to smile, but then he blinks and Faye flashes in his head, again. He opens his eyes, grimacing. “I’m o-okay, Faye. I h-had a nightmare, too.” He sighs. He wants to comfort Faye, but his mouth doesn’t seem to want to work. He looks at Michael.

 

Faye looks between the two. “Are you hurt Daddy?” She asks, peeking around Michael’s legs. She looks him up and down, then her eyes land on his neck, and she looks scared. “Daddy, what’s on your neck?”

 

Michael looks at Jeremy. He didn't even think about Jeremy's neck. He looks down at Faye. “Daddy's nightmares are just really bad.” Michael sighs hiding his twitching. “He will be okay in a few minutes.” Michael kneels down next to Faye. “What was your nightmare about?” He asks trying to get her focus off of Jeremy.

 

She shrugs looking at Michael. “I was back home... and... I dunno.” She fixes her glasses rubbing the lenses because they're wet from tears. “I'm... I was with mommy and ...bad things were happening. Like hurting people…” Faye sighs. She clings onto to Michael. “But it wasn't mommy and one of her men... It was you and Daddy.” She looks back at Jeremy's neck, wondering if the nightmare was real.

 

Jeremy’s head snaps up. “Wh-what?” He’s out of bed, kneeling next to Faye in a flash. “Faye, honey. You have to believe me. Your Tatay didn’t hurt me. I know it looks really, really bad, but I promise, he wasn’t mean to me. We’ll never hurt you or each other like that. Ever.” He sighs, looking at Faye. He mentally scolds himself for asking Michael to do that to him. He should have known that would hurt her, that she’d get the wrong idea altogether. “We aren’t ever going to be like your mommy, okay? We love each other, and we love you.”

 

Faye looks at Jeremy, trying to look him in the eyes, but can’t take her eyes off his neck. She looks down at her feet, moving closer to Michael. “That’s what Mommy said too.” She says quietly, so quietly Jeremy could barely hear her. “B-before…” She stops, tears in her eyes.

 

Michael twitches once again. He looks at Faye, his little girl; then to Jeremy, his favorite person. This is quite the situation. “Faye, can you look at me, sweetie?” She does. Michael can see how much pain she's in. He can tell Jeremy's in pain too. “I love Jeremy very much. I do. I'll say it as many times as you want me to. I would never hurt him or you. I love Jeremy. I love you, Faye. I promise.”Michael says very calmly. “Faye, sweetie, your mother hurt you, right? Well, that's not what people do when they love each other.” Faye takes Michael's hand. “Your mother was different. Jeremy and I are going to make sure you never get hurt by her or anyone like that ever again.” Michael says. “Do you believe me, Player Three?”

 

For some odd reason, Faye wants to trust Michael, but whatever she just saw was too real to her... she nods. “Yes Tatay.” Faye says, hugging Michael. “But... what I just saw…” She shakes a little in Michael's arms. She starts to cry. Her breathing picks up. She walks a little closer to Michael, still afraid of the marks on Jeremy. “Tatay... it feels like I'm dying.”

 

Jeremy feels his heart drop straight to his stomach. He reaches out to Faye. “Faye, remember what we did the last time? The breathing? Can you do that for me?” He says, brushing her hair out of her eyes.

 

Faye looks at him and nods. She looks up at Michael, still holding him tightly. She tries to remember how to do the breathing like they had done before. “It hurts, Tatay.”

 

Michael looks at Jeremy. He was the reason the first one happened, and now he's probably the reason for the second... but he remembers what Jeremy told him. Michael sits and pulls Faye into his chest, breathing slowly. He breathes steady for her and fights off all his twitches. Nothing is more important to him than his little girl right now. “It's going to be okay Faye, I promise. Just keep your breathing with mine.” He looks at Jeremy. Michael couldn't be more concerned.

 

Faye nuzzles into Michael's hoodie the same way Jeremy does when he needs to hear Michael's heartbeat. She shakes a little and lets out a sob. “T-Tatay…” Faye says sitting in his lap. “I'm c-c-cold.” She shivers trying to get closer to Michael.

 

Jeremy stands, grabbing a blanket from the bed and wrapping it around Faye. He wraps his arms around her from behind. He looks up at Michael, feeling Faye’s shaking. He winces. “It’s going to be alright, Faye. You’re going to be okay.”

 

Faye shakes in Michael's embrace and can feel Jeremy touching her. She starts to calm down a bit, the blanket feeling like a warm shelter. “Can I sleep with you guys?” Faye asks, looking into Michael's eyes. “Please, Tatay?”

 

Michael looks at Jeremy. All three of them barely have sleep in their systems. Michael knows Faye has school in the morning and sighs. “Yes, you can sleep with us.” Michael says, looking back down at Faye. He picks Faye and lays her on the bed. “Aren't you missing something? Where's your teddy bear, sweetheart? Do you want me to get it?” Faye shakes her head. “Don't you sleep with it?”

“If I can just hug you, I'll be fine.” Faye says as Michael lays down.

“That's fine. Care to join us Jeremy?” Michael asks.

 

Jeremy half smiles. “Yeah, I just need a minute. I’ll be right back.” He goes down the hall, shutting himself in the bathroom, where he leans against the door for a second, before looking at himself in the mirror. He’s a mess, no wonder Faye was worried. His hair’s going every which way, his face is tear-stained, and there’s markings all down his neck. He sighs, running his hands through his hair in an attempt to make it stay down. It’s all his fault, for being so needy. He washes the tears off his face, looking up into the mirror. For just a split second, he looks at his own eyes and they turn bright blue. “I’m just sleep deprived. It’s not real.” He tells himself. He quickly returns to the bedroom, sliding into bed next to Faye.

 

“This bed is big.” Faye observes as she curls into Michael's side. “It's kinda cool.” She smiles. She looks at Jeremy. “Are you feeling better, Daddy? Are you okay?” She says with her hands lightly tugging at Michael's hoodie. Her eyelids fluttering.

 

Michael slides a little closer. He reaches an arm over Faye to play with Jeremy's hair. His other arm is around Faye.“I was just about to ask the same thing.” He looks into Jeremy's eyes to see if there's any tears left in the oceanic scene they are. He looks a little better, that's always a good sign.

 

Jeremy leans his head into Michael’s hand. “Yeah, I’m fine.” He presses a kiss to Faye’s forehead, turning over to look at Michael. “Just a little shaken, but I’m alright.” He makes eye contact with Michael for a second, but looks away almost immediately. What if he sees what Jeremy saw in the mirror?

 

Faye yawns and stretches her arms. She closes her eyes and curls into Michael closer. “Goodnight, Tatay. Goodnight, Daddy.” And just like that she is asleep again. Her daddy is okay, and she's okay. She is wrapped in a lot of blankets though.

 

“Goodnight, Player Three.” Michael whispers. He looks down noticing Faye is already asleep. “Well then…” He looks back at Jeremy. “You're sure you're okay, honey? You seemed really bad before she got in here.” He's very concerned about Jeremy. His nightmares usually cause very serious attacks, but Jeremy's fine. It's odd.

 

“No, I’m not. I’m just trying to keep it in.” He still can’t look at Michael. He smiles wryly, turning back over on his back. “Guess I’ve gotten too good at hiding it for her.” Inside, he wants to scream, cry, do anything to get rid of the pain. But he can’t, not with Faye there. He sighs, his breathing shaky. “I don’t know how long I’ll last like this. I might just… go play video games or something. I don’t know.” He doesn’t look at Michael, he’s too afraid to see the worry he knows is there.

 

“Jeremy, it's not healthy. But I understand.” He sighs. “If you need to go, go. Text me if you need me. I'll be here with Faye.” He kisses Jeremy’s forehead putting his arm around Faye again, who's making small snoring noises. “Just let me know.”

 

“Okay.” Jeremy sits up, running his hands through his hair. “I’m sorry, Michael.” He throws off the covers, swinging his legs out of bed. He looks down at his hands- they look perfectly fine. “Mikey, can I ask a really probably insane question?” Even his voice is steady, but his mind is screaming. He’s held it in for this long, he can’t hold it in. “Where’s your stash? I know you have one somewhere.” He doesn’t turn around.

 

“I do not.” Michael says, totally denying the fact he definitely has weed in the house. He sees Jeremy give him a look. “Yeah, okay…. I think I hid some in the basement. In my bean bag maybe? Jeremy, are you seriously thinking getting high, is a good idea?” Michael asks. “I mean, I'd join you if I could. But Jeremy... when you're... oh, I see what you're doing. What if she wakes up?” Michael asks, being responsible for once. Jeremy never really gets high without Michael. He worries about it.

 

“I don’t have to do it in the house. I can do it outside, I’ll go and do it in a parking lot somewhere, I don’t care. I just really, really need to. It’s this or drink, and I’m just an idiot when drunk, I don’t know what I’ll say. I also don’t need a hangover.” Jeremy says, standing up. “I just can’t… can’t be aware of me for a bit, if that makes any sense. I’ll be okay.” He shoots Michael a small smile, then rushes out of the room.

 

Michael feels the need to go after Jeremy but there's a five year old attached to him. “Jeremy!” He shouts kind of quietly. “Please be careful! And please tell me if you need me!” Michael twitches, he's worried. It does make sense to Michael, but he wish he could go with him. Michael curls into Faye a little bit more trying to relax, but he's nothing but concerned for his husband.

 

Jeremy makes it to the basement somehow, almost falling over himself. He hasn’t gotten genuinely high in months, not since they shotgunned. He was never as big of a fan as Michael, as it made his attacks worse. But after suppressing them for so long, he needs to let them out. He closed the door, stuffing the cracks so neither sound, nor smell could escape. Although, the basement is sound proof. It’s mostly for the smell. He dug in Michael’s bean bag pocket, something he has told himself he would never do again. When he pulls out the small bag, he has a moment of actual conscience- what is he doing? Faye could come down at any second, this is an awful idea. Five minutes later, however, he completely forgets about the inhibitions he had. He reaches for his phone. [Don’t think it’s really kicked in yet. It’s actually kind of nice.] He texts Michael.

 

Michael's silently crying and adjusts his glasses when he hears his phone buzz. He smiles. [Glad you're okay. That's usually how it affects me. See why I like it?]Michael sniffs and looks down to make sure Faye's okay. She's still holding onto his hoodie like it's a life preserver. [Hope you feel better soon. <3\. I love you, Player Two.] Michael slides the phone under his pillow in case Jeremy needs him again. He realizes Faye is still wearing her glasses and gingerly takes them off her face.

 

Jeremy’s just starting to wonder why he didn’t like smoking when he goes to lean back into the bean bag and his mind switches from blank to screaming in a split second. He’s moved oddly, the scars, which he can normally ignore, start to burn. It’s like his anxiety attacks but ten times worse. No, twenty times. He sits bolt upright, then curling into a ball, feeling his breath start to quicken. He sees his phone sitting on the other bean bag and reaches for it, fumbling. [Okay starrting to see wht I hate it.] His fingers slip on a couple of the keys, but it gets his message across. [I’mm fine.] 

 

Michael sees his phone and sees all of Jeremy's typos. He hates this. He hates the fact he can't rush down to Jeremy's aid. He hates that he's panicking and there's no one here to stop him. He lets out a whimper. [Stay strong for me, sweetheart. <3] Michael sighs. He lets out a very quiet whimper and the smallest twitch he can manage. He so wishes Faye wasn't attached to him. Why didn't he just get her damn teddy bear? He groans but tries to keep it quiet. He can't wake her up. She'll want to know where Jeremy is. She'll want to know why Michael is crying. Why he's panicking. Michael just wants to run downstairs, but Faye's clinging to him to tight. He bites his lip. He’s trying to help his daughter and his husband, but nobody is there to help him.

 

Jeremy feels his head start to pound, everything’s buzzing, he’s started to cry. He sees Michael’s text through blurry eyes, trying to text him back. [Bd idea bad idea but at least its noy being bottled up anymore.] The fact that the text he sends is mostly correct is probably due to his autocorrect. He drops the phone after sending the text and feels like screaming.

 

Michael stares out his phone. He does the worst thing. He lets out a sob. He's so conflicted right now. [Just try to make it through, Jeremy. If you need me. Just text me. Try to get through it.] Michael sighs, feeling his body spasm. He notices Faye moves a little bit. “Shit.” He mumbles. He can't panic, but he's worried about Jeremy; he can't get to Jeremy, so he's panicking.

 

Jeremy takes another drag with shaking hands. Maybe if he makes it worse, it’ll numb it out. Everything is blurred, and he closes his eyes against the tears. He sees snatches of memories, hears parts of words and phrases. It’s all disjointed. Everything from Michael dying to Faye crying to Christine and all the rest screaming flashes in his head, along with words: ‘terrible, such a slob, loser, makes me wanna die.’ His eyes fly open at a noise, then he realizes it’s himself screaming. He covers his mouth quickly. He has to be quiet.

 

Michael hears something, but he denies it. He can't get to Jeremy, and there's no way in hell he heard what he just did. His phone is silent. The room is silent, except for his fast breath and Faye's small snoring. Michael wonders if there's a way he can slither out of Faye's grasp but stays still trying to get himself to calm down because if he gets much louder, he knows Faye will notice. Michael grabs his headphones from the headboard and slides them on. He starts playing music, sometimes it helps.

 

Jeremy quickly puts out the joint. He was so stupid, did he really think this would turn out well? He never feels good with weed, not after the squip. Why did he think this would be any better? Instead, he’s left crying and trying not to scream, just like every other time. But unlike every other time, Michael isn’t here. And the pain gets even worse. Jeremy sends one last text through the haze of pain, before it takes him over. [I’m sorrt dont worry ill be ok keep faye asleeep.] Then he lets it overcome him and he blacks out.

 

Michael sees the text and he absolutely freaks. What he heard is real. He takes his headphones off and shuts off the music. It's silent. The entire house is silent. Maybe... Jeremy's okay? Michael wonders. He wants to help. But he can't. He knows Jeremy's not okay. [I…] Michael deletes the text. He knows there's no point in texting Jeremy. He's a mess himself, but it's only because he's not there. Michael wonders if he can escape his hoodie without Faye noticing. He ultimately decides against it and slips the headphones on, trying to relax.

 

Jeremy wakes up with his face tear stained and his throat raw from screaming. “M-Mikey?” He sits up from where he was curled in a ball, half on the floor. Michael isn’t there, and what happened hits him. He tries to get up, but his legs give out. He sees his phone on the floor, checking the time. It was already 9, Faye would be late to school. He needs to go upstairs, but his legs refuse to work. He sends a text to Michael. [What happened? Is Faye okay?]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! Welcome to chapter Ten! Hope you guys enjoyed it. It’s hard work for sure. I started editing in advance so I won’t be late again. I also just saw Be More Chill in NYC! It’s absolutely incredible. If you get a chance to see it, Be More Chill will never be the same again. It’s a good thing though. See you next upload!  
> ~ PlayerOneMell


	11. Catching Up

Michael's in the kitchen when his phone goes off. ‘Jeremy's awake, thank god.’ Is all he can think.He doesn't even think to text back and walks downstairs to the basement. Jeremy looks like hell but Michael was expecting that. “Hey, she's fine. I got her to school.” Michael says when Jeremy looks at him. “And I can't tell you what happened. I wasn't here. Are you okay?” He asks, looking at Jeremy with pure concern.

 

“That’s good.” Jeremy winces, clutching at his head. “I… I don’t know. My head still hurts like hell.” He wipes at his face, taking a shaky breath. “Th-that was a bad idea.” He looks up at Michael, sighing. “I’m sorry, if I scared you. I think I screamed.”

 

Michael nods. “I thought I heard you screaming. I had to keep Faye upstairs all morning and I shoved my headphones on her head after awhile.” He sighs, he’s still shaking. He had an attack, but it was pretty restricted because Faye was attached to him. “I know it was a bad idea, but I couldn’t help. I just…. I was stuck taking care of her. I didn’t even think about myself. All I could think of was you and her.” Michael rubs his eyes, he didn’t sleep. It was too much for him to handle. “It’s okay if you did scare me. As long as you’re alive, and still mine I think, I’m okay.” He looks at Jeremy. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t come help you. I felt awful.”

 

“I’m fine. Other than the fact my legs don’t want to work and I was a total idiot, I’m fine.” Jeremy says, shrugging. He’s sitting on his beanbag, not trusting himself to stand. “Did you sleep? At all? I passed out after like, half an hour. You look dead.”

 

“I.. couldn't sleep.” Michael sighs. “I... I'm sorry. I just couldn't.” He looks at Jeremy still feeling broken. “Are you okay for me to touch you because I... I kind of need you, Jeremy.” Michael's still pretty spooked. He feels extremely on edge and just wants to hold Jeremy's hand. “It was difficult. And... I tried not to be loud with Faye clasped onto me. I was crying. I had an attack cause I couldn't... come down here and help you.” 

 

Jeremy takes his hand, making Michael sit next to him on the bean bag. He looks away, grimacing. “I’m sorry. I should have thought how that would feel for you. I just hoped it would actually work like it’s supposed to, this time, instead of making it worse. I couldn’t deal with it without you there. It was just a spur of the moment thing and I- I fucked up.”

 

“I knew you'd be okay. And I'm fine. Don't be sorry.” Michael says, smiling at Jeremy. “I had hope for you.” He kisses Jeremy’s forehead. “I kept myself together. I'm glad she's okay and you're okay. It was scary.” Michael lets out a twitch. “I just wanted to come down here and save you and I couldn't. And with all the pain I was in, it was impossible to close my eyes. I called off work because... I just... I don't think I can deal with the outside world. I said I'd work from home.” He sighs. “I love you, Jer.”

 

Jeremy echoed his sigh. “I love you, too. I wish you could have too, but… Faye’s more important. I’m glad she’s okay.” He runs his hand through his hair, looking up at Michael. “You say you knew I’d be okay. But… I wasn’t sure. It was worse this time, worse than every other time.” He bites his lip. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to go to work. I should be able to, it’s only 9, and I don’t have to be there for a while, yet. I’ll give it a while.”

 

“If not, that's fine. If you do, I can pick up Faye and just watch her while you're at work because I'll be here for once.” Michael twitches and nervously laughs. “I'm sorry it was worse. I really am. I wish I was here. I should've been here. I'm sorry.” Michael rambles, worried about Jeremy.

 

“Don’t be sorry, it was all me. I was the one that did it, it’s not your fault.” Jeremy says, taking Michael’s other hand. “I’m fine now. It’s fine.” He leans forward, pressing a kiss to Michael’s forehead.

 

“I'm glad you're fine now.” Michael smiles. “I'm not sure about myself, but I'm sure I will be.” He sighs. “I haven't stopped twitching, but I guess that happens.” Michael leans into Jeremy. “Do you want to talk about something else?”

 

Jeremy wraps his arm around Michael, pulling him closer. He wants to ask Michael if he’s okay, and wants to comfort him, but doesn’t want to push him. He scans the room quickly, his eyes landing on the game console. “Well, if you’re home, we could do anything. I’ll be here for at least a few more hours, and you don’t need to work that whole time. So… play me?” He leans forward, grabbing his controller.

 

“Sure, babe.” Michael says, not really wanting to let go of Jeremy, but he does it anyways. “Oh, I did talk to Faye by the way, about school?” He looks at Jeremy. Michael sighs. “She's really shy Jeremy, and what she said... I have a feeling you won't like it.” Michael admits. “It was hard for me to keep it together around her, just hearing it. It was bad.”

 

Jeremy looks at Michael, already starting to get worried. “I know she’s shy but… what did she say? She’d better not be getting bullied. I swear, if she’s getting bullied…” He looks to the screen. “Please tell me she isn’t.”

 

“I can't lie, Jeremy.” Michael says. “I asked if she had friends, she does not. She can't make friends because she said, this is a direct quote of our little girl ‘Meanies don't like my name’. And she told me all about it. Jeremy, what the hell are we supposed to do?” Michael asks. “She asked me why her name was so weird.”

 

“Her name isn’t weird, it’s pretty.” Jeremy says indignantly, as if it was his name being insulted. “It means Fairy. It’s adorable. Why do they think it’s weird?” The game starts up- Apocalypse of the Damned Volume Two. Jeremy wants to bash some zombie heads right now.

 

“I know it's pretty. I told her that. She asked why we don't call her Fairy. I think we need to start calling her Fairy by the way, that's cute.” Michael sighs. “But her actual name, Faye... rhymes with ya know…. my sexuality? And I guess since she has two dads her peers think that she's gay too? So they call her Gay. Then her name. I promised her I’d never say it. I don't know what to do about it.” Michael shrugs. “I was pretty pissed. She said other stuff happens but... I didn't wanna ask.”

 

Jeremy pauses the game. “First of all, that’s adorable, I need to start calling her that. Second of all, they’re kindergarteners! I didn’t even know that was a thing when I was their age.” He’s silently fuming. “Can we call the school? Is that a thing we can do?” The game is back, and Jeremy’s taking out his anger on the animated zombies instead.

 

“The school knows. Faye says she's told her teacher once... or something? I don't know. But they're five and six! It's how kids... I dunno. It’s how kids are raised, repeat what their parents says. The same thing happened to us. We were bullied that young. Not for being gay, but bullying is bullying. Did you see any change?” Michael twitches. “I'm not sure if there's anything we can do unless she's physically hurt! Which I hope doesn't happen. I hope she makes a friend soon. Being a loner kinda just sucks.” Michael sighs. His gaming is off because of his twitching, but Jeremy's doing well for once. “I don't know what we can do…. I just don't. I've been thinking all morning.”

 

“Considering I don’t remember NOT being bullied, and being bullied was part of the reason I got the… thing in the first place, yeah, I see a change. I hope they do something about this.” Jeremy’s knuckles are almost white from how hard he’s holding the controller.

 

“Jeremy... I know it’s hard to deal with but... I’m afraid you’re going to break your hands.” Michael pauses the game. “Look, we are going to figure this out! Everything’s going to be fine. She’s at least safe with us, right? She’s only in kindergarten, she’ll make some friends.” Michael says, trying to reassure himself and Jeremy at the same time. Michael’s not exactly fond of the fact that Faye’s getting hurt at school. “It’ll be okay.”

 

“I’m going to break someone else’s hands.” Jeremy mutters, resuming the game.

 

“Jeremy!” Michael pauses. “It’s not healthy to play video games when angered. You’ll break another controller! We do not need new controllers, not again. I’m letting it happen.” Michael places his controller down and looks at Jeremy. “I know, this is bad. We can figure this out.” Michael runs his fingers through his hair twitching, again. “I promise, we will figure this out. This'll all be okay.” Michael leans back in his bean bag chair hoping the twitching will stop. 

 

Jeremy sighs, loosening his grip on his controller. “Sorry, sorry. I’m just… I don’t want her going through what I did. What we did.” He puts the controller down, but as soon as it’s on the ground he starts to play with the hem of his t-shirt. He can’t get his hands to stop moving. He tries to, because he knows how much Michael hates it, but he can’t.

 

Michael twitches again. It is bigger that time. “I don't either. We will work on it. Together.” Michael says, as he notices Jeremy's hands but Michael's still twitching. “Maybe we should do something else?” Michael winces as he twitches again. “Jeremy, I don't feel so great.” Michael admits.

 

“No wonder you don’t feel great, you haven’t slept in, what, two nights? Three nights?” Jeremy says, still tapping his hands on his knees. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed, Michael. You’re awful at pretending.” He rolls his eyes. “This is why I’m the actor, not you.”

 

“Probably. I've just been having issues.” Michael twitches as he sits up. “Are you saying I should sleep?” Michael cocks an eyebrow looking at Jeremy. He really doesn't want to, and he really has tried everything.

 

“Probably. I’ll help you fall asleep, if you need me to.” Jeremy says, giving Michael puppy dog eyes. “Please? I’m worried about you, this isn’t healthy.”

 

“Anything for you, Jeremy.” Michael sighs. “And yeah... I'm gonna need your help.” He says, taking Jeremy's hand. The boys head up to the bedroom and Michael just kind of stares at the bed. “I'm not even tired. I'm tense.” He twitches. “It's like all my muscles are balled up. It's not a good feeling.” He puts his hands for his pockets and kicks the grounds. Michael looks at the floor acting super shy. He’s acting a little bit like Faye in a sense. “I just don't know what to do.” He mumbles into his hoodie.

 

Jeremy gently pulls him to the bed. “Well, you can’t sleep standing up, for starters.” When Michael’s laying down, Jeremy closes the curtains against the morning light and turns off the light. He immediately regrets it when he almost trips on his cardigan in the dark. “I’m okay.” He says, catching himself. He makes his way over to the bed, somehow, without falling over.

 

“I hope so.” Michael says, curling into a ball. He really is tense, it's easy to see... except it's dark. Michael turns over and turns on his bedside light and remains seated. “Now you can at least see.” Michael smiles at Jeremy. He twitches again. “I'm really sorry about this.”

 

Jeremy sits next to him on the bed. “Don’t be sorry, Michael. I want to help.” He kisses Michael’s forehead. He reaches for Michael’s glasses, taking them off gently and placing them on the bedside table. He makes sure he has his phone in his pocket for a flashlight when he needs it. “Just lay down, close your eyes. I’ll be right here, okay?” He takes Michael’s hand, then leans over to turn off the light. “There, now neither of us can see.”

 

“Very adorable, Jeremy.” Michael stays seated. He can't see well, he's basically blind, but he can see Jeremy for the most part. “Jeremy, I don't think I can sleep.” He twitches again, but he still lays down. He's still curled in a ball. He can't stop twitching. “Everything hurts but I'm not anxious. Just tense.” He confesses to Jeremy. He looks at him. “Is there anything you can do to help?” He's looking at Jeremy absolutely helpless.

 

Jeremy can see Michael just enough to see how helpless he is. He reaches out a hand and pushes Michael’s hair out of his face, still keeping the other linked in his. “Do you want me to rub your back? Would that help?” He’s glad Michael can’t see his blush in the dark.

 

Michael slides closer to Jeremy, somehow. “Please?” He asks looking at Jeremy. He knows that's what he wants but he's really reluctant to ask Jeremy. It's helped him before, so maybe it'll help him now.

 

Jeremy smiles down at him. “Of course.” He gently removes his hand from Michael’s, reaching over him to rub his back. He leans over and sweetly kisses Michael’s forehead. “Close your eyes, I’m right here.”

 

“Thanks Jer.” Michael says quietly as he shuts his eyes. “I love you.” He yawns. And for once in the past three nights Michael finally falls asleep, and it's all thanks to Jeremy. Michael wakes up a few hours later to the sound of an alarm. Jeremy's not there. He stops the alarm on the phone knowing he has to pick up Faye because Jeremy went to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Hope you’re enjoying the fic so far. More to come!  
> ~ PlayerOneMell


	12. Bubble and Ice Fairy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Faye has a hard day at school. So Faye and Michael have fun with bubble wrap until Jeremy comes home with a small surprise.

Michael fumbles for his glasses and fixes his hair and drives to pick up Faye from school. He texts Jeremy to let him know he's awake. [I'm awake, slept well. Thanks for the help. [Picking up Faye now. Love you. <3.] He places the phone down as he sees Faye exit school.

 

Faye’s not her normal energetic self. Instead of almost skipping out of school like she normally does, she drags her feet, looking down. A girl wearing a bright pink sparkly shirt calls something at Faye, but is quickly shushed by the teacher. Faye looks up, noticing the Cruiser parked in the parking lot, and almost runs to the car.

 

Michael sees it all happen and gets out of the car as Faye runs over to him and kneels down as Faye wraps her arms around him. “Hey, Fairy.” Michael says quietly, hugging her back. He doesn't know what else to say. Faye is clearly upset, but he has no idea what to do. He’s deciding to try out the new nickname.

 

Faye sniffles, but doesn’t let herself cry. She pulls away. “Let’s just go, Tatay.” She pushes her glasses up her nose, not looking back as the girl calls the same thing. “Gay Faye!” She blinks away tears.

 

Michael helps Faye into the car and gets in and the music seems to play quietly. Michael rarely ever plays the music quietly in his car, but Faye looks so broken. It's breaking his heart. “What do you want to do when we get home. Fairy? Daddy's at work so it's just you and me again.” He says, trying to make her feel better.

 

Faye pulls her feet up onto her car seat, wiping away her tears. She’s too upset to acknowledge the nickname. “Can we make me into a bubble again?” She asks quietly. To anyone else, that sentence might have sounded strange, but Michael knew exactly what Faye meant. 

 

Michael laughs. “Sure, Fairy.” He smiles at her. “You just have to keep our promise and not tell Daddy about this, okay?” Michael says, he can tell she's crying. He really doesn't know what else to do.

 

Faye nods, using her sweater sleeve to brush the tears away. “S-Sorry, Tatay. I don’t mean to cry. But Alex is a meanie.” She looks up at Michael, playing with one of her braids.

 

“Sweetie, it's okay to cry! It doesn't make me happy that you're crying, but it's okay.” He sighs as he pulls into the driveway of the house. “Was that the girl’s name? In the pink shirt?” Michael asks. “I'm sorry, Fairy.”

 

Faye nods, unbuckling her seatbelt. “She always calls me that. Ms. Jones tried to stop her, but she just keeps doing it.” She shrugs, dejectedly. “It’s okay.” She says quietly, not looking at Michael.

 

“It's not okay, it's not okay at all. I'm sorry she calls you that. I wish that I could do something to help you.” Michael assists Faye in getting out of the car and they walk to the front door. As they get inside, Faye seems a little happier. He looks at her.“Do you just want to start wrapping or... what? You want a snack?”

 

Faye looks up at Michael, her big brown eyes lighting up. “Can we start wrapping now? I’m not hungry.” She asks, giving him the same puppy dog eyes as Jeremy did earlier. “Please? Please, please, please?”

 

“Anything you want, Fairy.” Michael says, grabbing bubble wrap from its hiding place. He starts wrapping her in it. “You still have to promise to be careful while you're doing this. Daddy wouldn't be happy with us if he knew about this. I mean, if you got hurt. Promise me, Fairy?” He asks.

 

Faye nods excitedly. “I’ll be careful, I promise.” Most of her tears are gone, and she’s bouncing up and down. She’s grinning widely at Michael. She kisses his cheek quickly as thanks for doing this.

 

“Glad you're smiling.” Michael says. finishing the wrap. “Run free kid!” Michael laughs. As time goes on, Faye just kind of never takes the bubble wrap off. She eats dinner in it. It seems to help her forget what happened at school. It's all so cute and the two seem to lose track of time.

 

Jeremy walks in the door, taking off his coat. “Faye? Michael? I’m home!” He calls, walking into the upstairs hallway. “How was your da-aaaaay.” He catches sight of Faye, wrapped in bubble wrap. “Michael. What is going on?”

 

“Um…” Michael eyes Faye who's giggling and laughing and running. “She's a bubble. She likes it.”Michael's blushing, he should've known Jeremy was going to be home soon. “We do this sometimes…”

 

Jeremy can’t take his eyes off Faye. He has so many questions. He makes sure Faye isn’t listening, and asks the most prominent one. “Why the hell is our daughter wrapped in bubble wrap? Where did you get that bubble wrap? What do you mean sometimes?” He probably sounds angry, but mostly he’s just confused.

 

“Sometimes when Faye gets upset, she wants to be a bubble. I came up with the idea awhile ago after I did it to myself and threw myself down a staircase. Which is something she doesn't do. I got the bubble wrap from work.” He looks at Faye as she giggles. “Um... and as for why?” He lowers his voice for this next part. “She got in the car crying. I saw it happen. She was hurt, Jeremy. A girl called her the same name twice. She asked, I said yes.” Michael whispers.

 

Faye runs past Jeremy quickly. “Daddy! Daddy look what I can do!” She says doing a cartwheel for Jeremy. “I'm a bubble fairy! I'm not scared anymore.” She laughs.

 

Jeremy blinks. “I’m very proud of you, honey. You’re doing great.” He says. Then he turns back to Michael. “You threw yourself down one the stairs wrapped in bubble wrap.” It’s less of a question and more of a statement. He blinks again. “I’m not even sure what to feel right now. Also, what did the girl say?” His emotions are a mixture of total confusion and worry.

 

Michael hears Faye squeak. “I told you to be careful, Fairy!” He calls. “I don't want to say what the girl said. I don't want you angry, we talk about this later.” Then he realizes something. “FAYE, DID YOU JUST FALL DOWN A STAIRCASE?” Michael runs to the stairs and sees Faye at the bottom.

 

“I'm okay, Tatay!” She laughs. “I wanted to do something more fun! Just bubble wrap gets boring sometimes. Is there something else we can do?” She asks, still laying on the ground looking up at Michael.

 

Jeremy follows Michael. “First of all, we can get this bubble wrap off of you. Second of all…” He thinks back to the surprise he was going to tell them at dinner. He says it more to Michael than Faye. “I was going to take you guys ice skating. It’s getting close to Christmas, and seeing as it’s her first Christmas with us… Just because I don’t like it all that much doesn’t mean she won’t.”

 

“Ice skating?” Faye asks looking at Jeremy. “I've heard so much about it. Can we go? Can we go, right now? Can we go? Daddy please, please, please, please?” Faye says standing up and running up the stairs and hugging Jeremy's legs, bouncing up and down again.

 

“Really?” Michael says, smiling at Jeremy. One of Michael's favorite things in the world is ice skating. He giggles a bit. “Jeremy…. can we actually go right now? Is that a thing we can do? It is a Friday. She doesn't have school! I'm off work for the weekend. Come on Jer... what do you say? My skates have literally been sharpened since thanksgiving.” Michael says, trying not to sound too excited.

 

Jeremy laughs. It’s worth almost falling and hating ice skating- roller blading is much better, in his opinion- just to see how excited Michael gets. “I did say I was going to take you, didn’t I? The rink closes at 7, that gives us about an hour.” He checks the clock. “We’ll have to get her rentals.” He grins at how excited both of them look. It’s like having a mini Michael. “Come on, let’s get this bubble wrap off, then you can go grab your coat and things. I assume you ate dinner?”

 

“She ate dinner in her bubble.” Michael laughs. He pries Faye off Jeremy's legs and starts unwrapping her. “You look very excited, Ms. Fairy.” Michael says. She's smiling at him.

 

“I am excited, Tatay, but also a little scared!” Faye smiles as her bubble is removed. “Are you good at ice skating? Is it hard? What if I fall down on the ice? I'm scared.” She asks the questions quickly. “But not too scared.”

 

“Tatay’s very good at ice skating. I’m pretty bad at it. I love the wall too much, and my balance is pretty bad.” Jeremy says. “And don’t worry, we won’t let you fall. If you do fall, we’ll be right there to help you.” He grins down at Faye. “I bet you’ll be a natural, like your Tatay.”

 

“Definitely, you've got what it takes. Jeremy... you can go get the skates, I'll find warm things for this little one to wear. I'll just wear my hoodie.” He looks down at Faye. “I don't really get cold, and I skate very fast. Do not skate quickly like me.” He says.

 

“Okay if you say so, Tatay!” Faye smiles, taking Michael's hand as they walk downstairs. “Does it hurt when you fall?” Faye asks as Michael gets her a coat from the closet.

 

Jeremy comes back down from grabbing their skates. “I think I can answer that question better than Tatay. I don’t think he’s actually fallen while skating since he was maybe ten.” He rolls his eyes, grinning at Michael. “It doesn’t hurt that much. It hurts for a minute or two, but if you get up and skate it off, it should go away. If it doesn’t, you tell me or Tatay, okay?”

 

“Yes, Daddy.” She nods listening to Jeremy. “Um... so how does this work exactly? It's on ice right? CAN I BE AN ICE FAIRY?” She asks, looking at Michael who's putting mittens on her hands because it's cold outside.

 

“Yes sweetie, you can be an ice fairy.” He sighs. He throws on a beanie just so his head doesn't get cold. “It's like walking on ice. We wear skates which are like shoes with knives on the bottom of them. You push and glide on the ice to make yourself move. It sounds difficult but I swear it's not!” Then he looks at Jeremy. “You need to put on warm stuff, you freeze fast.” He says.

 

“I’m always freezing, Michael. I’m not going to get sick anytime soon.” He says, but goes to grab his coat, hat, and gloves. “My car or yours?” He calls from the front hallway. “Mine’s first in the driveway.” He puts their skates in a bag, pulling on his boots.

 

“We can take yours.” Michael says, as Faye leaps into his arms. She's so excited, so much she kisses Michael's cheek.

 

“I love you, Tatay!” She says. Then Faye realizes something, they'll probably be other people at this ice rink. She looks at Michael and Jeremy a little scared. “What if I run into someone from school and they make fun of me there?”

 

Jeremy looks at Michael. “We won’t let that happen. If anyone you know is there and starts to make fun of you, we’ll take care of you.” He says. They’re little kids, their parents have to be there with them, if they even are there. If anything happens, they’ll talk to them. “You ready?” Jeremy says, smiling at the two of them.

 

Michael nods. The three went off to the ice rink. Luckily, there's not a single person Faye knows in that entire area. Michael helps her with her skates after he laces up his own. He gets on the ice first, followed by Jeremy who clings to a wall, and then Faye. “Give me your hands, sweetheart. It's okay, it's going to be okay.” Michael says, looking down at Faye. He starts skating backwards slowly.

 

“O-okay.” Faye says, taking Michael's hands. She remembers everything Michael had been saying in the car about gliding. She pushes off her right foot and pulls a bit on her and Michael’s hands to make herself go forward. Michael manages to keep his balance. “Was that it Tatay?”

 

Jeremy could skate out and meet them- he can do it, just not that well- but he’s content to just watch the two of them, his husband and his daughter. He always loves watching Michael skate. It was actually why he suggested they do it annually, just so he had an excuse to either watch him or hold onto his hands for prolonged periods of time in public.

 

“Yes Faye, that was it! Just try to use your feet more and not your hands. Focus on balancing.” Michael says, starting skate faster to give Faye a little bit more room to glide. Faye glides a little smoother this time. “That's my girl.” He smiles as he keeps his hold on her.

 

Faye seems to improve more over time and after a few lap she lets go off Michael's hands trying to skate on her own. Michael stays close by, but Faye completes the lap with a little help on the turns from her Tatay. “Look at me, Tatay! I can ice skate!” She says. She looks at Jeremy who hasn't moved. “Did you see me Daddy?”

 

Jeremy snaps out of watching Michael, blushing slightly. “I did! You’re doing great, honey.” He grins at Faye, feeling his heart swell at how happy they both look. This was definitely the right decision.

 

Michael skates to Jeremy doing a bit of a spin. “Hey handsome, you want a turn?” He asks taking Jeremy's hand. “She seems fine, but I can watch both of you.” He says smiling at his husband. “Come on please? For me?” He asks excitedly.

 

Faye keeps skating on her own and seems to do pretty well. She falls, but she gets up and shakes it off like she remembers Jeremy telling her to do. It stung her knee cap a little bit, but it went away after a few seconds.

 

Jeremy lets himself be pulled out onto the ice, trying to stay as balanced as he can. He does as he remembers- gliding, although awkwardly, in front of Michael. “I missed this.” He keeps an eye on Faye out of the corner of his eye.

 

“I miss this too.” Michael says. He moves his arms around Jeremy to keep Jeremy's balance and so he can do most of the work. He's really close to Jeremy. “She's fine. She's got this.” Michael says, kissing Jeremy's cheek. “I love this.” Michael says, moving a little faster.

 

Faye keeps skating on her own, and even passes Jeremy and Michael. She looks at her parents while using her arms to keep her balance. She smiles stopping herself just before another fall. She looks at her Daddy and Tatay. They look so happy together. She's glad that they're smiling just as much as she is.

 

“I love this too.” Jeremy’s so intently gazing at Michael that he almost falls over, but catches himself on him. His face is bright red, and he laughs. “I’m okay.” He looks over at Faye. “She’s a natural. Good thing she has your talent and not mine.”

 

Just in that moment Faye loses her balance and lands on the ice and tries to catch herself. She doesn't seem to do it correctly. She tries to get up but she can't seem to push herself up with her hands. She starts to cry and lays there on the ice.

 

“Holy shit.” Michael whispers. He slowly lets go of Jeremy. “Please, don't fall.” And in that moment, Michael's extremely thankful he has the skating skills of an Olympian. He speed skates over to Faye and slides on his knees to look at her. She's still awake. She's not bleeding. Then he looks at her wrist: discolored and swollen. He immediately scoops Faye up in his arms and rushes off the ice as fast as he possibly can.

 

Jeremy sees Michael’s panic, and immediately regrets coming. Luckily, he’s close enough to catch the wall if he falls, and can skate well enough to make it off the ice. He eventually makes it to where Michael is trying to calm Faye down. “Faye, are you alright? What happened?” He asks frantically.

 

Faye's bawling as Michael undoes her skates. “I- I fell.” She cries and tries to wipe away her tears, but squeaks as she tries to use her injured wrist. “So now my wrist looks like this! It doesn't hurt yet... but it looks scary.” She says, scared through her tears.

 

“I think her wrist is broken.” Michael says, quickly trying to unlace his own skates. As soon as he does he looks at Faye's wrist and takes her arm gently. “Faye, sweetie, it's going to be okay. I promise. We are going to fix it. Just don't move it, okay, Fairy?” Michael says then he looks back to Jeremy. “I know... we haven't been there in awhile. I hate having to say this... Jeremy, I think we have to go to the hospital.” Michael says it reluctantly knowing it's the last place he wants to be.

 

Jeremy winces, looking at Faye’s wrist and knowing that Michael’s right. “Yeah. Yeah, we do.” He hates saying it out loud. “Let me get my skates off, my keys are in my pocket. As soon as I have my boots on we can leave.” He starts unlacing his own skates, quickly.

 

“Do you want to drive or should I drive?” Michael asks, putting Faye shoes on for her. “One of us should probably sit with her..” He looks at Jeremy and grabs his white sneakers. He looks at Faye who starts to cry harder. “Hey, it is going to be okay.”

 

“Can I sit with Daddy? Is that okay?” She sniffs. “I've barely seen Daddy all day.” She thinks out loud. It's true after all. Jeremy was passed out in the basement and after school he was at work. She tries to move her hand but lets out a small scream.“Owie.” She says looking at it. “It hurts really bad now.” She's crying a lot harder.

 

Jeremy pulls on his boots, standing up. “Sh, I know. It’s going to be okay.” He looks at Michael. “You okay driving?” He tosses him the keys, then turns back to Faye. “I’m going to pick you up now. You’re going to be alright.” He pulls her into his arms.

 

“Yes, I'll be fine.” Michael says looking at his crying little girl. His little girl got hurt, he should've been paying attention to her. He takes the keys from Jeremy and walks out the door at a bit faster pace than them so he can actually start the car.

 

“What's a hospital like Daddy? What happens there? I've never been.” She hopes Jeremy can understand her through her sobs. She clings to Jeremy tightly with her hand that's not injured. “My wrist has its own little heartbeat.”

 

“Try to keep it still, Fairy.” Jeremy says, carrying her out the door. “It’ll be fine. We’re going to get you an appointment with a doctor, and he’s going to fix your wrist.” He realizes something. Faye has never been to a hospital. “What happened when you got hurt with your mommy?” He asks, not really wanting an answer.

 

“Mommy said wounds heal themselves.” Faye says crying into Jeremy's chest. Her wrist hurts so bad and she just doesn't understand what's happening. She just keeps crying and screaming and groaning and squealing.

 

Michael pulls the car get up to Jeremy and Faye. “Hello, handsome and adorable. Do you wanna ride?” Michael asks, looking at Jeremy who's basically cradling the crying five year old in his arms.

 

Jeremy pulls Faye closer to his chest, his head reeling. If it wasn’t for laws, he would track down the woman who hurt the small girl crying in his arms and kill her. Every little fact he learned about her, he hated her even more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Two chapters in one week. I decided (and my co-creator agreed) to post this chapter now because chapter Eleven wasn’t really all that special. This is one of my favorite chapters. And just a warning - the next one is a little sad. Hope you enjoy. Let us know what you think!  
> ~ PlayerOneMell


	13. Hospital Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Faye has a hospital visit to help mend her broken wrist after ice skating. Later, Michael has flashbacks from when he got the brain surgery.

“Faye, honey, do you want me to sit with you in the backseat?”

 

“Yes, please, Daddy.” She sniffs again, trying to stop crying so her voice will at least sound normal. She closes her eyes, wishing the pain away. For some reason, Jeremy feels very warm to Faye, it makes her feel safe.

 

“That sounds like a brilliant idea. Now, can you two get in the... car?” Michael stops himself from swearing. He's in a bit of distress. He hates seeing Faye like this, maybe it's best if they just stick to the bubble wrap.

 

Jeremy shoots Michael a look. He opens the car door, buckling Faye into her car seat. He’s trying to not move her wrist. When she’s in, he kisses her forehead and gets in the car next to her. He takes her small hand in his, wiping away her tears gently. “It’s all going to be alright, Fairy.”

 

“What happened to my wrist? I hurt.” Faye says, trying to stay calm, she looks right at Jeremy. “What's going to happen to me?” She leans into Jeremy wanting to stay close to him. She wants to feel safe.

 

“We are going to take you to the hospital where you'll see a doctor. They'll fix your wrist and maybe check your head because you fell on the ice. It's believed that your wrist is broken, but Daddy and I aren't doctors. I've never broken a bone, so Daddy would have to tell you how that feels.” Michael says, gripping the steering wheel tightly. He drives calmly through all of the stress somehow.

 

Jeremy pulls Faye as close as he can without it being unsafe. “It doesn’t hurt that much, not after the initial pain. You’ll be able to do most of the things you usually do, and it should only take about a month or so.” He kisses her forehead. “You’ll probably get a cast, which might itch a little, but it’s easy to ignore. But the pain should go away when you have it on, unless you do something bad to it.”

 

When Michael parks the car by the hospital, he hits the brakes harshly. He feels himself gasp for air. Michael Heere hates hospitals and remembers the last time he'd been here. He stares at the building, he doesn't want to go in. The last time he went in there he lost so much.

 

Faye jerks a little with the way Michael has slammed the brakes. “Tatay!” She squeals. She looks at Jeremy, she's scared. She's stopped crying for the most part. “Daddy, I'm scared.”

 

“Don’t be scared, sweetie. You’re going to be okay.” Jeremy releases Faye for a second, but still holds her hand, leaning forward to poke his head between the seats in the front of the car. “Mikey, I can go in with her if you want. You don’t have to come in, you can stay in the car.” This is possibly the worst place they could have gone, but it’s too late now. “There’s another hospital on the other side of town, but…” He looks back at Faye. “I don’t think that would be good for her. I’ll take her in, you stay out here, okay?”

 

“I think I just need a minute.” Michael whispers. His chest is very tight. “I'll go in, just... I just need a minute.” He kisses Jeremy's cheek and smiles at him. Michael looks at the building remembering too much. Why did all of that have to happen to him? Why here? Why does he have to remember?

 

As Jeremy's taking Faye out of the car, Faye looks back at Michael. “Why isn't Tatay coming with us? Where's he going?” Faye asks noticing Michael's still inside of the car. She looks at Jeremy, holding onto his hand with her one that's not in pain. The one that's in pain she's wrapped around her center, like Michael does when he's in massive amounts of pain. “What's going on?” She starts to cry again, she's so scared. She just wants her Daddy and Tatay to make everything better.

 

“Your Tatay doesn’t like this place. He’s going to stay in the car for a little, then he’ll meet us inside.” Jeremy says, pulling Faye close. “It’s going to be okay, we’re going to get you all fixed up, I promise.” He pushes open the door to the hospital with his foot. He walks up to the front desk, holding Faye close to his chest. “Hello, I’d like to make an appoint-” The nurse turns in her chair and Jeremy’s voice dies in his throat.

 

Karen looks pleasantly surprised. “Mr. Heere?” She looks him up and down, her eyes landing on Faye, who’s looking at her with tear-filled eyes. “Well isn’t this a… surprise.” Karen obviously looks confused. For all she knows, the last time they saw each other was years ago, and Jeremy was obviously with a man. To find him at the hospital again, clutching a girl of about six to his chest with no Michael to be seen, was an odd occurrence.

 

Michael is used to having panic attacks in his cruiser. This is Jeremy's car, it's a little different. He reclines the chair and curls into a ball. He thinks about all that has happened. The time two years ago when he laid useless in a hospital bed because Jeremy accidentally shoved a squip down Michael's throat. He thinks about it and closes his eyes letting memories crash against his cold eyelids like a tsunami. The scars were new then. He clutched to Jeremy so tightly. He went through so much. Blood transfusion and brain surgery. He danced with Jeremy. He had a dream which didn't change time at all…. he watched Jeremy die. Michael lets out a sob. It wasn't real, but he remembers just how real it felt.

 

Faye looks a bit confused and tucks her head into his chest, listening to Jeremy's heartbeat. She's still crying a little bit. “Daddy, how do you know this lady?” Faye asks curiously. 

 

Jeremy looks down at Faye. “It’s a… long story. I’ll tell you sometime, just not now.” He says, giving her a small smile. “Anyways.” He looks back up at Karen. “I think she either sprained or broke her wrist from falling on the ice. We haven’t done anything, we came straight here. Can we get an appointment for her?” He tries to keep his voice steady, but he still remembers everything so vividly. This woman tried to keep him away from Michael. He reminds himself to stay civil.

 

Karen tears her eyes away from Faye, turning back to her computer. “We have an opening in half an hour, if she needs immediate help. Would that work?” When Jeremy nods, she clicks a few buttons. “Still the same address and contact information?” Jeremy nods again. Karen nods, looking slightly skeptical. “Alright, you’re nearly good to go.” She looks at the nearly empty waiting room and catches Jeremy’s eye. “Who is this?” She gestures at Faye.

 

Michael places the hood of his hoodie on as he catches his breath. He's not letting himself do this, not right now. He swallows his fears, and wipes his tears. His girl needs him. Some silly little incident from when he was twenty-two is not going to stop him. He sits up and adjusts his glasses. He gets out of the car with shaky legs, and walks towards the building. He takes off his hood; he runs his fingers through his hair. Michael doesn't want Faye to know he was panicking. He doesn't even want her to know he was crying.

 

Faye looks at Karen but doesn't say a darned thing. Faye's a shy little girl, but she's also in a lot of pain. Faye closes her eyes and stays very very close to Jeremy. She feels very warm and safe in his arms. She likes it that way. She doesn't want Jeremy to let go.

 

Jeremy looks down at Faye. “This is Faye, my daughter.” He feels Faye curl closer as he looks back at Karen again. She looks very confused, even more so than before.

 

“Your… daughter? What ever happened to Mr. Mell?” She asks, looking at Jeremy. “You two were so nice together. What happened?” She obviously thinks Faye is literally Jeremy’s real daughter. Her voice took on a sympathetic tone.

 

Michael pushes open the door. He sees Jeremy, he sees Faye, and then his eyes land on Karen. He hears her question walks over and smiles. “Nothing happened to me except for the fact I'm not Mr. Mell anymore. I'm right here.” He smiles at Karen. “And I'm also a Heere.” He almost glares at her. “She's my daughter too.”

 

Faye is absolutely shocked. Michael is being sarcastic and rude. It's insane. How has she never heard of this woman? She does question it. She stays close to Jeremy and keeps her eyes on Michael.

 

Karen blinks. “I’m very happy for the two of you. Congratulations.” She says, looking slightly abashed at Michael’s tone of voice. She looks at Faye again, giving her a small wave. “I see your legs are working, Mr. M- Heere.” She says, looking at Michael.

 

Jeremy lifts Faye in his arms, glancing at Michael. They need to get Faye away before Karen mentions the squip. Michael doesn’t suffer from symptoms like he does. Jeremy doesn’t want Faye knowing that Michael had a SQUIP too. “Yes, he’s all better now.” He shifts Faye so he can hold her with one arm and takes Michael’s hand with the other. He pulls on it slightly, trying to get Michael to leave before they have problems.

 

Faye looks at the lady, then Jeremy, then Michael. “Tatay, why didn't your legs work?” She's so curious and wants to know. Michael's legs seem fine despite the fact she's never seen them.

 

“Yes, they do.” Michael comments, feeling Jeremy's tug. “Nice seeing you, Karen.” Michael says in a bitter tone. He looks at Faye and smiles. They walk away from the desk. He knows he probably looks like a mess but doesn't care. If Jeremy hasn't noticed, no one else will. “That's a story for another time, Fairy.”

 

Jeremy sighs, squeezing Michael’s hand as they walk away. He takes Faye over to a set of empty chairs lined up against the wall. He looks over at the small cafe where he had waited with Jake and Rich for Michael to wake up and quickly looks away, back to Faye. He was going to set her on the chair, but she doesn’t seem to want to let go. He sits down, keeping her on his lap. “Michael, I’m sorry, I had no clue she’d be here.” He says quietly.

 

“A story for another time…” Faye repeats it quietly. “But Tatay what happened? Is this why I've never seen your legs?” Faye asks, nuzzling into Jeremy. She wishes she had her teddy bear. Jeremy seems like a good substitute for now.

 

“It's fine.” Michael chokes out, looking at Jeremy. Michael's eyes are watering but he sniffs, not letting the tears out. “Faye, I promise you I'll tell you the story another time.” He says looking at her.

 

Pulling Faye close, Jeremy looks at Michael sympathetically. He squeezes his hand, linking his fingers into Michael’s. “Fairy. We’ll tell you later, but not here, not now.” He feels his heartbeat quicken and tries to take a deep breath to calm it down. Faye’s curled so close to his chest she can probably hear it. He brings Michael’s hand to his lips, pressing his lips against his knuckles gently. “Okay?” He says, as if he’s asking Faye, but he’s looking right at Michael.

 

Faye nods and closes her eyes again hoping the pain will go away instead of staying. She starts imagining about things that could've happened to Michael's legs.

 

Michael leans his head on Jeremy's shoulder. “Thanks, Jer.”’ He whispers rubbing his eyes to make sure it's not going to start crying again because of everything that's happening. He can only use one hand, he refuses to let go of Jeremy. “I'm sorry.” He adds on.

 

Jeremy runs his thumb along Michael’s knuckles, trying to calm him down. “Don’t be sorry, it’s alright. Nothing’s going to hurt you here, I promise.” He whispers into Michael’s ear before kissing his forehead. If his head is throbbing from the memories, Michael’s must be positively screaming.

 

Michael nods and then sniffs. He puts his feet up on a seat and leans into Jeremy. Jeremy seems to be the only safety Michael has in this entire building. Michael know Faye is depending on him and Jeremy. They’re her sagely.He fidgets with the sleeve of this hoodie with his free hand remembering what happened last time, and sighs deeply. He screamed so loudly for Jeremy. He sobbed into his cardigan too many times. He was forced to pass out twice and the nightmares were simply unbearable. Jeremy had to test memory... it was hell. Then Michael remembers all the testing he went through. He couldn't walk. Michael lets a tear fall but wipes it away. He can't do this if this little girl needs him.

 

The three of them kind of just sit like that for about half an hour. Faye slowly crying into Jeremy's chest, and Michael snuggling up to him. As a doctor approaches the three of them,Michael immediately tenses up and Faye turns her face into Jeremy's chest not wanting to look at the doctor. If there was any time where Jeremy needed to be there for this family, this would be that time.

 

Jeremy looks up at the doctor. Thank god it isn’t the one that took care of Michael- although, he supposed it wouldn’t be, the cases are completely different. “Hello, sir. Are you ready for us?” He’s trying to be the calm one here, trying to be the rational one. He squeezes Michael’s hand before letting go and standing, lifting Faye in his arms. He looks back at Michael, giving him an encouraging smile.

 

The doctor nods. “If you’ll just bring her back, we’ll get it checked out. She’ll probably need an x-ray and a concussion test, from your description. We’ll give her something to reduce the swelling and the pain. Before we go back, has she ever broken a bone before, and if so, is it the same one?” He says, looking at Jeremy, then at Faye.

 

Faye looks up at Jeremy and then at the strange man standing before her. She looks back at her parents.“I don’t know.” She responds. With all the injuries Faye has suffered before she doesn’t know the difference between broken, sprain, or contusion.

 

Michael stands next to Jeremy, but remains silent. He doesn’t trust himself to talk without rambling or saying something incorrectly. He looks at Jeremy, what the hell are they supposed to say?

 

“We… aren’t sure. She’s never been in a hospital before, but she has had some severe injuries. Before we, you know…” Jeremy trails off. “She might have.” He pulls Faye closer, hugging her to his chest.

 

The doctor’s eyes widened for a second before he shakes it off. “Alright, well, just bring her back, we’ll get her looked at.” He nods his head, gesturing for them to follow him to a small room. “Could you set her on the bed?”

 

Michael is the last one in the room because of how uncomfortable he feels. He looks at Faye, his little girl,who looks just as scared as he feels. Michael is barely choking back his tears, this is really hard for him to do. He stands close to Jeremy, and wraps his arms around himself.

 

Faye is sitting on the bed but grabs Jeremy’s hand with the one that is still working properly. “Daddy, please don’t let go.” She mumbles. She doesn’t want Jeremy to let go of her, and part of her wishes she could reach out to Michael as well. Why did it have to be her wrist?

 

Jeremy squeezes her hand. “I won’t, I’m right here.” He looks to the doctor. He wants to tell him to be careful with her, but he’s pretty sure the doctor already knows that.

 

The doctor comes around to stand in front of Faye, holding out his hand to her gently. “May I see?” He takes her hand. “Can you move it in any direction without it hurting?” He asks, looking up at Faye sympathetically.

 

Faye tries, but winces at the pain. She shakes her head. She squeezes Jeremy's hand lightly. She is so scared that this man might hurt her in some way, worse than she's already injured. 

 

When Michael hears Faye wince, he jumps a little bit, but smiles at her trying to let her know everything's going to be fine. After all the testing, it comes to the point where the three of them are in the room together. Jeremy and Michael couldn’t stay the whole time with their kid. It's explained that Faye's wrist has been majorly fractured. The doctors said they could either break the wrist completely or just see if it can heal with a cast on. If it's not healed correctly, they'd have to re-break the wrist. There's a chance that Faye's wrist will heal fine, but Michael doesn't know if he wants take that chance on his daughter. He doesn't want her in anymore pain than she's already in right now. 

 

Jeremy looks to Michael, biting his lip. He takes Michael’s hand, pulling him away from Faye. “What should we do?” He whispers, looking back at Faye. “Should we take the risk? I don’t want to worry about it not healing correctly, but I also don’t want to completely break it. She’s in enough pain already.” He runs his hand through his hair. “We should just try it with the cast, right? Be hopeful and optimistic?” He looks up at Michael.

 

He immediately sighs, “Does that sound like us?” He asks. “I know she's hurting. She really is. But... remember when my brother broke his nose? He didn't heal right and they had to break it and give him nose surgery! If there's a chance it doesn't heal correctly?” He looks back at Faye. “Do it, call me crazy, I think we break it fully.” He says, even to his own surprise.

 

“But-” Jeremy groans. “There’s no great way to do this, is there? Either way, there’s something wrong with it. So more pain or the chance of it?” He looks down. “Fine. We’ll do it. But you have to explain it to her.” He looks up at Michael, meeting his gaze. “You are the one who’s telling her we’re breaking it.”

 

“Oh Jeremy, we aren't breaking it, the doctors are.” Michael says, taking Jeremy's hand and walking back over to their daughter. He doesn't actually know how to tell his little girl this, at all. Michael takes Faye’s hand, and sits next to her. “Fairy?” He pauses when she looks at him. “I know you're in a lot of pain, sweetie, but Daddy and I think it's best if your wrist gets broken all the way. It'll be best for the healing process and you'll feel better a lot sooner.” He sighs seeing how scared Faye is. “We will be here the entire time, but I need you to be strong for me, Fairy. Can you do that for me?” Michael asks her, trying to stay calm.

 

Faye looks between Michael and Jeremy. They can’t be serious. They said they’d never hurt her. She sniffles when she realizes they are being serious. “B-but…” She looks at her wrist. If her Tatay says it will help, that makes it mostly alright. “Do you promise it’ll be all better sooner?” She looks up at Michael, eyes pleading.

 

Jeremy leans in. “I promise, Faye. We both promise. It’ll hurt, but it’ll help.” He gives her an encouraging smile, squeezing Michael’s hand. The girl, although terrified, nods.

 

“Yeah, it'll be just fine. You're a tough Fairy.” He smiles. “And you can squeeze my hand as hard as you want, okay?” He kisses her forehead. “I'm right here.” Michael then squeezes Jeremy's hand because he just doesn't like where he is. His grip tightens as a doctor enters the room, but he tries to release how tense his hand is.

 

“Well, the good news is she doesn't have a concussion.” The doctor says seeing the three standing close together. “So have we come to a conclusion about what to do about the fractured wrist?” The doctor asks, looking at the group of them.

 

Jeremy took a deep breath, squeezing Michael’s hand for support. “We’ve… decided to break it completely.” He doesn’t like the words at all. He looks at Faye, who looks scared, but nods as well.

 

Faye sniffles. “Is it going to hurt a lot?” She looks up at the doctor, trying not to cry. She also squeezes Michael’s hand, even if it’s not anywhere close to where they’re going to break it.

 

“It'll hurt for a second, but the pain will fade away. I'll cast you right after I break it, okay?” The Doctor looks at Faye. “If you can put your hand that's fractured on this table, we will break it quickly. Of course, you'll have to be caught off guard so you're not tense and it doesn't break into the muscle. Can I count on you two to distract her?”

 

Michael nods as Faye puts her injured hand, the hand that isn't in his, up on the table. Michael puts Faye into his lap and sits with his legs crossed. “Faye, sweetie, I need you to look at me, okay? Don't look at your hand. Look at me. Focus on me and Daddy.”

 

Faye looks worriedly at her wrist, then looks to Jeremy. She cranes her neck up to look at Michael, grabbing onto his hand very tightly. She can already feel tears. “Daddy, I don’t-” She stops herself, swallowing. She has to be brave, like her Tatay said she is.

 

Jeremy reaches out to her, cupping her face in his hands, turning her to look at him and not her wrist. “Remember when you came to our one practice, and we were doing the one girl’s song? The one about plans?” He’s so worried, he turns to the only thing he can think of. He sings a little part of the line, switching the words around a little. “You gotta be a tough girl.” He smiles at Faye, who smiles back, her lip trembling.

 

Michele looks down at his scared little girl. “You can do this, Fairy. I am right here. We are right here.” He keeps his hand in Faye's, but he looks up watching the doctor for a moment. It's about to happen. He looks back down at Faye. “I love you so much, Fairy. Remember what I said? Squeeze my hand. Hard as you'd like.” He kisses Faye's forehead. “You're a tough Fairy.”

 

Faye nods, looking teary eyed at Jeremy. She opens her mouth to reply to Michael, just as her wrist breaks completely. She screams, squeezing Michael’s hand hard, burying her face in his chest. Tears roll down her face, the pain is so much worse. “T-Tatay, Daddy, it hurts.”

 

Jeremy leans forward, stroking Faye’s hair. “It’s okay, Fairy. We’re going to put the cast on you, then it’ll be all better, okay? I promise.” He’s trying to keep his voice from shaking, hearing her scream was the worst thing he could imagine.

 

“You are so brave, Fairy!” Michael says, looking down at her. His heart shattered hearing the scream, but he keeps himself together. “I'm so proud of you, Player Three, it's almost over.” Michael smiles at her. The doctor begins to cast her arm and when he's finished, Michael feels super guilty. “There you go, Fairy!”

 

“She'll need pain medication for about two weeks. After six weeks she can come to see if she still needs the cast or not. I'm guessing you boys know about casts? They can't get wet or anything? Just makes sure that she doesn't use the wrist much.” The doctor comments. “You are free to go.” The doctor says leaving the room.

 

Jeremy turns to Faye. “You did so well, Faye! I’m sorry we did that. Are you alright?” He brushes her tears away, turning to look at Michael. “You ready to get out of here, Mikey?” His hand’s still linked with Michael’s, and he squeezes it, smiling sympathetically.

 

Faye nods shakily, looking at the cast. “It really hurt, but I’m okay.” She looks up at Jeremy, cuddling closer into Michael’s chest. She doesn’t look as okay as she says she is, but she’s trying to be strong, like her Tatay and Daddy.

 

“Yeah, Jer, lets get her out of here.” Michael says, carrying Faye out to the car. He goes to set her in the back seat but he can see that Faye has fallen asleep. He sighs. “You wanna drive?” He looks at Jeremy biting his lip as they walk through the cold parking lot. He still feels guilty. Like this is his fault. Michael looks down at his little girl, how could he do this to her?

 

Jeremy sighs, looking over at the two of them. “Yeah, I’ll drive. You still have the keys, though. You had them when we got here.” He’s feeling equally guilty. They should have just run the risk of her having to get it fixed later, she’s in so much pain because of them.

 

He hands Jeremy the keys, and with Faye in his arms gets into the backseat of the car. He lays across the back seat, still holding her. “Baby. do you think…” He trails off as he starts to stare out the window. “Never mind.” He says looking at the sky. It's been one hell of a day. Jeremy got him to fall asleep, his daughter got bullied and he saw it, he wrapped his little girl in bubble wrap, and then he went ice skating. Sure, the ice skating was clearly Michael's favorite part of the day, but because of this his daughter has a broken wrist. He broke her wrist.

 

Jeremy turns the key, turning the car on. “Michael?” He makes eye contact with Michael in the rear view mirror. “Did we make the right decision?” His voice is quiet, he can barely hear it himself. “I mean, we did this to her. Or we made the decision, at least.” He pulls out of the parking lot, dropping Michael’s gaze to watch the road.

 

“Yeah, this is what's best for her, Jer.” Michael sighs, looking at the slightly cloudy sky.“She'll be better. She'll be okay.” Michael looks down at Faye, pocketing her glasses. “I'm sorry about all of this, mahal ko.” He looks at Jeremy. “I should've been watching her.”

 

“No, I was distracting you, it’s my fault.” Jeremy says, stopping at a red light. “I know she’ll get better, but I still feel guilty about it.” He turns his head to look back at Faye and Michael. Then he turns around, sighing. “What were you going to say earlier?”

 

“Nothing.” Michael shakes his head. “I can't remember.” He admits. “And this isn't your fault.” His eyes gaze out the window again. Faye sleeps in his arms for the entire car ride. “We can talk once she's in bed. It's past her bedtime anyways. I'm sure she's out for the night.” Michael says it in his low, soothing voice that he uses when Jeremy's panicking.

 

Jeremy nods, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. As soon as he notices he’s doing it, he stops, gripping the wheel tighter. “Y-yeah, okay.” He didn’t mean to stutter, it just slipped out. He pulls into the driveway, parking, and gets out of the car, opening Michael’s door. “She still asleep?” He tilts his head down at Faye, the bright white of her cast standing out against her shirt.

 

Michael nods to respond. “Are you okay, Jer?” Michael asks, looking at him. Michael feels like he is such an idiot, he hadn't even been thinking of how Jeremy must be feeling. He gets out of the car, still holding Faye, kicking the car door shut with his white shoe.

 

Jeremy gives him a half smile. “I’m fine, Mikey.” He looks at Michael sidelong. He wants to catch Michael’s hand, but keeps his hands in his pockets. He opens the door for him, shrugging. “It’s too late to change our decision now. It’s not like I could fix it anyways.” He’s obviously trying to keep it light, but it’s not working.

 

Michael takes Faye into her bedroom and places her in bed. Jeremy following, of course. Michael kisses her forehead as he tucks her in. “She's going to be fine.” Michael sighs, more to himself rather than Jeremy. “Doctors don't make mistakes, right? Not like…. like they did with me?” Michael starts remembering his time in the hospital again.

 

Jeremy is leaning against the door frame, looking at Faye. Michael's question snaps him out of a trance. “No, she's going to be okay. It's just a broken wrist, not…” He trails off, coming over to take Michael's hand, drawing him away from Faye’s bedside. He looks back at her guiltily. “She’ll be fine.”

 

He tilts Jeremy's head to look at him. “You're right.” Michael's voice carries no emotion, and he seems out of his head. He recounts all the memories from the night hearing it in the back of his head. What his squip sounded like. “I'm going to bed.” He says- emotionless. He walks away from Jeremy, with tears stinging his eyes. Michael doesn't feel a thing, but he can see the night laid out in front of him. Jeremy had to ask him so many questions. Michael had no control…. at all.

 

Jeremy follows him, catching his arm. “Michael, are you alright?” He turns him around to look at him, searching his face. “She's going to be fine.” ‘But I'm not so sure about you’, goes unsaid.

 

“I know.” Michael mutters. “I just... I want to sleep.” He walks into the bedroom and lays on the bed staring at ceiling just like he has for so many nights that his insomnia keeps him up. His memories seem to wrap around his brain and squeeze his diaphragm. He takes a sharp breath. They said he wouldn't remember everything, and he almost wishes he couldn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry I uploaded late. I got really busy again. There’s a lot going on, I guess. No worries! I’m okay and still uploading this. I’m sad to say the series might end after this fic. It’s not confirmed yet- but just wanted to warn you readers.  
> ~ PlayerOneMell


	14. Remember Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael continues to recall memories from his hospital visit two years ago.

Jeremy slides into bed next to Michael, reaching out to turn Michael's head to meet his eyes. Michael's eyes are slightly out of focus, and Jeremy starts getting a little worried. “Mikey?” He does the only thing he can think of and leans forward to kiss Michael lightly, his hand still on his cheek. “It's going to be okay.”

 

“I know.” He looks at away from Jeremy, not even smiling. ‘Why couldn't I just forget?’ He thinks to himself. He rolls over on his side, away from Jeremy. Michael really just feels isolated right now, how he felt in that hospital bed. “I'm fine.” He mumbles into his hoodie as he puts the hood on.

 

Jeremy reaches over, pulling Michael into his chest and wrapping his arms around his waist. He leans his head on Michael’s shoulder. “You obviously aren’t. You can always talk to me, you know that, right?”

 

“Yes.” It's a one word answer, short and sweet. How fucked up would life be if Michael couldn't remember Jeremy? He shoves it away as best he can. He wants to be okay but he just isn't.

 

Jeremy pulls him closer, sighing. He buries his face in Michael's hoodie. “What's wrong? Did I say something wrong?” He says it quietly, barely above a whisper. He knows it's probably not what's wrong, but he can't help but worry.

 

“No, it's not you. You didn't say anything wrong.” Michael's voice remains monotone. “It was me…. when I was 22.” Michael can't stop thinking about this. How dare he do this. How could he?

 

Suddenly everything makes sense to Jeremy. He pulls away just enough to turn Michael over to look him in the face. He cups Michael's face. “Oh, Mikey. It’s over now, you’re okay.” He leans forward and kisses Michael’s forehead.

 

“It hurt so much.” The emotion begins to return as his eyes focus on Jeremy's arms around him. “But I'm okay... now. As if being okay is a thing when you're Michael George Heere.” He sighs, he’s exhausted. “I'm sorry, I know that time has passed; it just hurts so much to remember.”

 

“I know.” Jeremy sighs as well, looking at Michael. “I know how much memories can hurt. But I also know that they’re only that, memories. And you can get past them and make newer, better ones.” He thinks for a moment. “It’s like if… if you just were in a huge earthquake. Just, bam, everything’s shaking and falling apart and there’s screaming. You think it’s the worst thing in the world, that you’re going to die, you’re going to be crushed. But you aren’t and you escape and even though everything’s in ruins, and maybe you are too, you get out of it. You heal. You rebuild everything around you, better than before. And sure, there will be aftershocks. You’ll remember what it feels like to go through hell. But they’re so insignificant to what actually happened. They’re just echoes, and you have to just wait them out, because they’ll pass eventually. You make the best out of that earthquake, because you can’t go back and fix it, no matter how hard you try.” He’s just rambling now, starting to play with Michael’s hair, running his hands through it and twirling it around his finger.

 

“Wow.” Michael's voice is back to normal. He is silent for a moment to let what Jeremy just said sink in. “That makes a lot of sense, and I'm sorry.” He turns around to face Jeremy. “Sometimes the memories just crash over me like a tidal wave and I feel like I'm drowning which is how I felt that night. I thought I was gonna die! Multiple times. It's a feeling I never wanna feel again.” Michael sighs moving closer to Jeremy. “I know I'm not there anymore and that I'm okay. That's all over now. It's not who I am. I've got you now... I'm okay.” There's a pause before the last two words.

 

“You’ve always had me, Mikey. And I’ve always had you. And I’m never, ever going to let you die. Okay?” Jeremy gives Michael a weak smile. “I know the memories aren’t going to just disappear, but they’re just memories, and they only hurt you if you let them.” He leans forward and kisses Michael’s forehead.

 

“Thanks, baby.” Michael smiles. He takes off his glasses and closes his eyes. “I'm going to sleep.” He kisses Jeremy's forehead and the memories slow down in his head. “I love you, player two.” He sleeps through the night, but wakes in the morning and something feels wrong. He grabs his glasses, he looks at Jeremy. ‘Who is that? Where the hell am I? Who am I?’ It's all lost somewhere in his brain but he has no idea who he is.

 

Jeremy turns over, noticing Michael’s not there and opening his eyes. He had fallen asleep soon after Michael had, his arms still wrapped around him. He blinked up at Michael, yawning. “Morning, Michael. Sleep well?” He sits up, stretching. Then Jeremy notices something’s wrong by the way Michael’s looking at him, as if he has no clue who he is. “Is everything okay, handsome?” He looks at Michael through half awake eyes.

 

“I think my sleep was adequate.” He sits up, letting go of Jeremy. “I uh…” He pauses, he's so confused. “Is that me? I'm Michael? Where the hell am I? What's going on?” The questions come out fast but he's extremely confused. He looks around. Everything seems familiar, but not enough.

 

“Shit. This better not be a joke…” He trails off at the look on Michael’s face. “No, no, no, no, no, this can’t be happening, not now.” Jeremy’s panicking a little now, and he reaches out to take Michael’s hand. “Yes, you’re Michael. You’re in your home, you’re safe. Do you…” he swallows, looking up at Michael with worried hope in his eyes. “Do you know who I am?”

 

Michael slowly processes the information. “No.” He can't put his finger on it, but he's trying to so hard. “Who... where... why?” He's so confused. This poor guy suddenly can't remember anything about his life. “Am I gay?”

 

Jeremy lets out a nervous laugh, trying to ignore the way his blood is running cold. “You are very gay. I’m your husband, Jeremy.” He takes a deep breath, trying to think how to get Michael to remember. He holds out his hand, letting Michael see his ring, then turning Michael’s hand to show his as well. “Your name is Michael Heere, it used to be Michael Mell. You’re twenty four years old, and you work as a video game designer. We have a five year old, named Faye, who we’re going to adopt. So please, tell me you remember.” He’s trying to keep calm, but his voice catches on the last sentence, and he’s choking up from tears.

 

Michael comes out of his haze. “Shit, that was scary. Oh my god Jer, I'm so sorry. I didn't know what happened.” He hugs Jeremy very close. “Fuck, I didn't know that could happen to me. That was terrifying.” It comes out very quickly and he feels awful for making Jeremy cry.

 

Jeremy pulls away, gripping Michael’s shoulders, searching his eyes. “You remember me. Oh my god, you remember me.” He lets out a shaky breath, wiping his tears away. He pulls Michael back into a tight hug, clinging to him. “Don’t you ever do that to me again. You scared the shit out of me.” He buries his face in Michael’s hoodie like he’s done a million times before, not letting go of him. “I was so scared you’d forgotten me.”

 

“I didn't mean to Jer, I don't know why that happened.” Michael kisses Jeremy's head. “I don't know why that happened.” He repeats, because he's confused as to why it would. “Jeremy, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to scare you like that. I... fuck.”

 

“I know, I know.” Jeremy says, pulling away and wiping at his face. He isn’t sure why he’s still crying, but he gives Michael a watery smile. “I’m just glad it didn’t last longer than a few minutes.” He pulls Michael close again, not wanting to let him go. “I was worried you wouldn’t remember anything and we’d have to go to the hospital and I’d have to explain to Faye what was going on and I j-just,” He exhales shakily. “But you’re okay now, you’re fine.”

 

“Yeah, baby, I am. Just breathe, Jer. I'm here.” Michael sighs playing with Jeremy's hair. “I'm so so sorry. I'll try to make sure that never happens again. But I'm okay now. I remember everything, you could ask me anything. I'm here. I promise, just…” Michael sighs, he always fucks everything up. This time it wasn't even his fault. “I'm okay.”

 

“Yeah. You’re okay now.” He finally lets go of Michael, his tears have stopped and his breathing is calming down. He laughs a little shakily. “At least this didn’t happen on a school day, or else this could have gone horribly wrong.” He gives Michael a light kiss. “Thank you for remembering.” The rest of the weekend goes by with little problem- Faye’s getting used to the cast, Jeremy doesn’t have an attack, and their nightmares are kept to a minimum. Then, Monday afternoon, Faye comes home waving an invitation to a certain little boy’s sixth birthday party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! This chapter title was almost “Think of Me” like the song from Phantom of the Opera, but I decided I’d better not. Although, there is two Next To Normal references in there. Hope you guys enjoyed this week’s upload! It was short, but there is more story to come soon. The next chapter is a fun one as we get our first peak at Michael as a protective father. See you next upload!  
> ~ PlayerOneMell


	15. Smol Spider-man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael is upset that Faye is socializing with bois. OH NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Michael pulls Jeremy into the other room. “Boy? A boy?” Looks back at Faye. “I am not ready for boys, Jeremy!” He whisper shouts it because he doesn't want Faye to hear him. “She doesn't have any friends! I watched her get bullied. Suddenly she comes home with a Spider-Man sticker on her cast and a birthday party invitation?” Michael's shocked, this can't possibly be true.

 

“Come on, Mikey, what’s the harm in it? She’s finally making friends!” Jeremy looks into the room, where Faye is bouncing up and down excitedly. “And from what I know, the kid also had trouble making friends. Are you really going to deny her that?” He turns back to Michael. “Anyways, this Parker kid stood up for her. He made Alex stop making fun of her and brought her down from another attack. So I say we give it a shot.”

 

“A shot?” Michael sighs. “Yeah, sure, okay. I'm sorry.” He looks at his little girl, then back to Jeremy. “If she ends up marrying this kid I will literally kill you. Cause that's what happened with us... but whatever.” He realizes what Jeremy said. “He stood up for her? That's... that's great!” He smiles. “She... she has a friend. A best friend! Oh Jeremy, this could be great! This could be so, so, so great!”

 

Jeremy laughs a little, taking his hand. “It was even by a sandbox, just like ours.” He squeezes his hand. “She has a friend, Michael!” He’s grinning, he’s so proud of his little girl. “And hey, maybe they will.” He nudges Michael’s side teasingly. “I’m kidding, don’t worry. But that would be cute, just like us!”

 

“Oh, it would be, wouldn't it?” Michael laughs. “At least she's got a friend. Even for a little while. Our little antisocial butterfly has made a friend.” He's just as happy as Faye is. “Shit, she's growing up, isn't she?”

 

“She is.” Jeremy sighs. “But it’s not a bad kind of growing up, is it?” He smiles at Michael, pulling him into the room. “Hey, Fairy? We’ve decided that you can go to Parker’s party.” Jeremy grins at the look of excitement on Faye’s face.

 

“Really?” Her entire face lights up, and she throws her arms around Jeremy. “Thank you, thank you, thank you! I’ve never been to a party before but Parker said none of the meanies were invited and it would be superhero themed so I really, really, really wanted to go.” She’s nearly bouncing off the walls with excitement. “He said only I was invited, and he said my Transformers shirt was cool, and he gave me his green crayon at coloring time, and he has light up Sketchers!” She’s rambling now, grinning widely. “And he made the dying feeling stop just like Daddy did!”

 

Michael, who's worried about his own child socializing, smiles. “That's wonderful, Fairy!” Michael somehow manages a small laugh. Faye is being a little bit too cute right now. Then Michael slowly pieces things together in his mind. Parker… Parker and Faye. Parfait... Parfaye!?!?! His child is yogurt. It helps him calm down a little bit. He's also relieved this party is just her and him. Michael's social anxiety now extends to his own child.

 

Jeremy glances at Michael, who has this little grin on his face like he’s thought of something very funny. He gives him a curious smile, but turns back to Faye, deciding to ask later. “Faye, can I see the invitation?” He’s hoping the boy’s parents have put their phone number on it.

 

Faye nods, handing him the invitation. It’s this Saturday, and sure enough, the phone number’s at the bottom. Faye grins up at Michael. “Tatay, Parker’s really cool. And he said I was cool.” She bites her lip. “I’ve never had someone say I was cool before. I’ve never really had a-a friend.”

 

“Hey, but you've got one now! And I'm sure he will be a very good friend to you.” Michael sighs. “Anyone who's into superheroes and transformers is pretty cool in my book. I guess you're pretty excited for this, huh?” Michael's kind of excited for his daughter. “Tell me more about your friend Fairy, I'm curious.”

 

Faye thinks for a moment. “His name is Parker Peterson, he sits across from me at school. We didn’t really talk that much before today… but when Alex tried to steal my snack at snack time he defended me, and he split his cookie with me.” She smiles. “Then later at recess, Alex shoved me over when the teacher wasn’t looking so I started crying and getting the dying feeling again, and I ran to the sandbox but he was there, and he gave me a hug and a Spiderman sticker and said my shirt was cool.”

 

Jeremy slips his hand out of Michael’s, going into the other room, letting the two of them talk. He punches in the number into his phone that is at the bottom of the sheet, grinning when he realizes that this kid is named Parker Peterson. No wonder there is a Spiderman sticker on Faye’s cast.

 

“That's wonderful!” Michael's really happy, he had been hoping that this would happen eventually. Even though, Faye was kinda broken... maybe that's why Parker noticed her? Michael isn't sure but doesn't wanna ruin this. “What does he look like, Fairy?” Michael's curious. This child’s name is Parker, he's probably just your standard little boy, right? Ya never know, so he asks.

 

Faye tilts her head as if imagining him. She puts her hand to about halfway down her forehead. “He’s about this tall. He has brown hair, a little messy like Daddy’s is. He has the little…” she pokes her cheeks, as if making dimples. “Thingies that you have when you smile. And he always wears a green flannel, and his shoes have Iron Man on them.” She pouts for a second. “I can’t remember what color his eyes are.”

 

Jeremy hangs up the phone after talking to Parker’s mother for a bit. Apparently, Parker had been talking about ‘the little girl with the braids and the cool shirts’ for ages, and had just finally gotten up the nerve to speak to her. He heard noises in the background, recognizing the Pokemon theme song and had to suppress a grin. This kid would be just fine for Faye. He thanked her profusely for the invitation and making Faye happy. He comes back into the kitchen.

 

“That's okay, I mean, you just met him today. Sounds like a nice boy.” Michael smiles. “I'm glad you guys are friends and that he made your dying feeling go away.” He looks at Jeremy. “Which I actually have to talk to you about later.” He turns back to Faye. “So he has dimples, huh? And his name is Parker Peterson? Almost like the actual Spider-Man himself. This boy must be a marvel fan?” Michael asks with hope. Michael loves marvel.

 

Faye nods excitedly. “I hope he isn’t just pretending to be my friend, like Alex was at the beginning of the year.” She sighs. “But he said he’d sit with me at lunch. He’s a little like a superhero actually.” She tilts her head at Michael. “But you and Daddy are my favorite superheroes.” She smiles at him.

 

Jeremy smiles at Faye. “Thanks, Fairy. I talked to his mom on the phone, she seems very nice.” He’s mostly talking to Michael now. “Faye, why don’t you get started on your homework while I talk to Tatay?” The little girl nods, going to grab her schoolbag. Jeremy draws Michael into the hallway again. “If this doesn’t work out, I’m going to be so pissed. Apparently, Parker’s been talking about Faye at home a lot but just got the courage to talk to her. Sounds a bit like me when I was little, I wouldn’t shut up about you at home. You were the only one that didn’t make fun of my stutter.”

 

“Yeah, but I was the one who stood up for you.” Michael sighs, remembering how great it was to be a little kid, but wasn't that great. “I'll be pretty pissed too. But can we seriously talk about this? She had a panic attack at school, again. Jeremy she is five. There is something wrong and it's making me worried.”

 

Jeremy sighs. “I know, I know. We need to get her out of there but I don’t know how.” He runs his hands through his hair, looking up at Michael. “We’ll get her meds, I don’t know. Anything.” He looks back into the room, where Faye is quietly humming and kicking her feet against the rungs of her chair. “Anything, if it means she’ll be okay.”

 

“Agreed.” Michael sighs. “She's just so young, I hate to see her suffer like this.” He focuses on Jeremy, turning him to look at him. “Hey, she's gonna be fine. I know we are both worried, but if she needs help we have to provide Jer. We are gonna watch her suffer, not as bad as she used to, but it's gonna happen. I think that's something we have to accept. That's gonna be hard.” Maybe he's talking himself more than Jeremy. “We've got this. We can...do this.” Michael pauses as he phone goes off. He reads over the text carefully and then just looks at Jeremy. “The developers found a virus in the code...Jeremy, I have to go. Otherwise our game will infected with a virus and that's just something my project doesn't need right now.” He puts his phone in his pocket. “I'm sorry, I'll be back soon.” He kisses Jeremy's cheek.

 

Jeremy nods. “Yeah, we can do this.” He smiles at Michael and lightly kisses him. “Go ahead, I can watch her.” He nods towards the room. “I’ll probably have dinner made by the time you get back. How late do you think you’ll be?” He looks up at Michael, hoping it isn’t going to be too late. “Before her bedtime?”

 

“It's a virus Jer, it depends. How big it is, how fast it can spread, what'll it'll take to stop it, and how much of the project it has taken as hostage.” Gets another text. “I'll be as fast as I can, I swear.” Michael kisses Jeremy's cheek again. “I love you, I'll text you. Bye mahal ko.” And he's out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. Hope you enjoyed the chapter. See you next week.   
> ~ PlayerOneMell


	16. Hide and Seek

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Faye and Jeremy have some time home alone together as Michael leaves for a work emergency. Faye causes some trouble for Jeremy while Michael’s away.

“Daddy, where is he going?” Faye asks, clearly not doing her homework. “I need help, can you help me Daddy? I was gonna ask Tatay but he's gone and where did he go? What's going on?” She asks quickly.

 

Jeremy turns to Faye, sighing a little. He had been hoping for a quiet night with Michael, but it doesn’t seem to be a likely thing. “Don’t worry, he’ll be back. He was just called into work, hopefully he’ll be back before your bedtime.” He comes over to sit next to Faye. “What do you need help with, sweetie?”

 

“It's like a um... coloring sheet, but, like you have to color it correctly according to these math problems and I just don't know what to do.” Faye shrugs. “I was thinking Tatay could help cause there's like computers and stuff and ya know... I dunno.” She looks up at Jeremy. “Could you help me?”

 

“Of course I can.” Kindergarten math isn’t hard, right? It’s not like calculus or anything. “Let me see.” He looks at the sheet. It has a picture of a butterfly with different parts of it with different numbers. On the side are a bunch of addition problems. “Alright, so this first one. 3 plus 2.” He holds up both hands, one with three fingers up and one with two, it’s the only way he can think to help. “How many fingers am I holding up in total?”

 

Faye drags her hand across each of Jeremy's fingers counting each one. “Five?” She asks, looking at him curiously. Math really isn't that hard, but she made a friend... she wasn't exactly paying attention.

 

“Good, five.” He smiles at Faye, putting his finger down. “So what color is five?” He points at the box where it tells the colors. He hopes there isn’t any questions where the answer is over ten, otherwise that might be a little confusing. “If you do the same thing with your fingers, you can count that way too.”

 

“Okay...that makes sense.” Faye says. She colors in a small part of the butterfly a blue because that's what the paper said. She sticks the pencil behind her ear and tries it with her own fingers and then looks at Jeremy. “Daddy, have you ever wondered what pencils sound like?”

 

That is not at all what he was expecting to hear her say. “No, I don’t think I have. Why?” He looks at Faye, a little confused. “I don’t think they, uh, sound like anything.”

 

She simply shrugs. “I've seen cartoons do it, I just always kinda wondered. After the first time I tried Tatay had to make sure I didn't do it again. I stuck the eraser in my ear.” Faye laughs. “Thought it might erase my memories or something. I've seen kids chew on pencils, or stick them up their noses. Parker got stabbed with one by some other kid. Some guy tried to stick in his eyes. Some girl tried to do the same to me but I have glasses.” Faye shrugs. “Just- no one sticks it in their ears.”

 

“Don’t stick pencils in your ear, Fairy. Or anyone else’s.” Jeremy says, looking at her sternly. “Got that? Don’t use them for anything other than writing or coloring.” He sighs, looking back at the paper. “Okay, next one. Try it with your fingers this time.”

 

“Daddy, I know. Tatay got very scared after I tried to stick it in my ear.” Faye laughs. “It actually wasn't that funny. He was very upset, and said he did something like that as a kid.” She goes back to doing math, dropping the pencil. She has four fingers on one hand up, and all five on the other. She starts to count, but then looks at Jeremy. “What comes after seven again?”

 

“Eight.” Jeremy says. He remembers Michael saying he once did something like that, but it was before the two had met. “See?” He counts, pointing to each of Faye’s fingers as he does so. “One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight…” he points at her last finger, looking at Faye expectantly. “What’s this one?”

 

“Nine.” Faye sighs. She colors it in red. She sticks her tongue out while she does a few more problems. After awhile she hears Jeremy's phone go off and looks at Jeremy. “Daddy your phone is going zzzzzzzz.” She mimics the vibration of the phone.

 

Why is Jeremy's phone going off? Well, Michael Heere in his office decided to text him. [Jer, I might be gone for like two more hours! It's kinda wreck Heere. Haha get it :P Love you and Fairy so much. <3 See you soon.] He sighs after texting it. This is not what he wanted to do be doing.

 

Jeremy checks his phone, smiling at the text. “It’s Tatay, he says he loves you. He’ll be home late tonight.” He frowns a little, sighing and texting Michael back. [Lol, very funny. Helping Faye with homework. We love you too. Miss you, Mikey.] He sends the text, putting his phone down. “Let’s finish this up, okay?”

 

“I love Tatay too.” She sticks her tongue back out as she colors in the last part of her butterfly. “It's pretty.” She turns to Jeremy. “Now what?” She seems eager and excited.There's not too much she can do with the cast. She wish it were off. She can't play video games one handed; that's what she misses the most.

 

“It is very pretty, good job!” Jeremy kisses her forehead. “How about some cartoons? You can choose, and I’ll make you some popcorn.” He raises his eyebrow at her. “Anything you want.”

 

“I dunno. Cartoons are fun, sure.” Faye shrugs and slides out of her chair, walks towards the living room. Faye and Jeremy have a relatively normal evening, even without Michael there. Faye's getting ready for bed but refuses to sleep without Michael in the house.

 

“Come on, Fairy. He’ll be home, I promise. Just at least get into bed.” Jeremy says, trying to reason with the pouting girl. “You can’t stay up and wait for him. You need to sleep, and I don’t know when exactly he’ll be back.”

 

“But he is coming back? You're absolutely sure?” Faye asks. She crosses her arms and sticks out her hip. It's a five year old sass stance, and she needs to know when exactly her Tatay will be home. “I never sleep without you both in the house! Please, tell me he's coming back?” Her eyes began to fill with worry.

 

Jeremy looks down at her, sighing. “Look, I’ll text him right now if it’ll make you feel better.” He pulls out his phone, texting Michael. [Faye’s refusing to sleep until you’re home. Please tell me you’re on your way home now, I don’t know what to do.] “There. I don’t know when he’ll be home, you just have to trust me that he will, okay?”

 

Michael at his desk in his office, reaches over to grab his phone. He reads the phone and then checks the clock. [That girl should've been in bed thirty minutes ago! Jer, I'm so sorry. I'll be headed home in five minutes. Just try to get her in bed if you can, I am really sorry.]

 

“I trust you.” She keeps her arms crossed but gets rid of her sassy hip. “I just…” She’s starting to run out of excuses, but the clever five year old has another idea. “Daddy could you at least get me a glass of water?”

 

Jeremy checks his phone when it buzzes. “Tatay will be leaving work in five minutes.” He sighs. “Fine, I will, but only if you get into bed right now. Okay?” He looks sternly at Faye, trying to be the mature responsible parent.

 

Faye listens to Jeremy, and sighs. She knows if she dare to close her eyes that she'll be asleep before Michael will come home! So she just listens. “Water, please?” Faye asks keeping her plan in mind.

 

“Good girl. Yeah, I’ll grab it now. Stay in bed, okay?” He walks out of the room, keeping an eye on her over his shoulder, at least until he gets to the stairs. When he’s downstairs filling a glass of water, he texts Michael back. [Got her into bed, but she doesn’t want to sleep. She’ll probably be asleep by the time you get home though.]

 

As soon as Jeremy leave the room, Faye searches for a place to hide. She doesn't have a closet like her father's room, but her Tatay once told her the best place to hide is in a bathroom. So, Faye sneaks just out of her room and notices Jeremy's texting. She sneaks into the bathroom and hides in a bathtub.

 

Michael smiles as he reads the text. [I wish you the best of luck, I know she gets fussy. I'm leaving the office now, be home in a few. I know it's only been a few hours but I can't wait to see you. :)] He pockets his phone, yawning and stretching. This is what he gets for falling asleep on his desk.

 

Jeremy picks up the glass, still texting with one hand. [Alright, see you soon. Love you <3.] He pockets his phone, heading upstairs to Faye’s room. “Okay, I have your water, Faye. Now you have to go to sl-” His voice stops, the words sticking in his throat. Faye’s gone. He puts down the glass of water quickly. “Faye? Where are you?” He looks around the room, but doesn’t see anything. “You’d better not be hiding from me.” His voice has a mixture of anger and worry, and he kneels on the ground to look under the bed.

 

Faye hears Jeremy, she really does, but she doesn't move. She knows her Tatay must be coming home soon. She covers her mouth so she doesn't giggle. What a perfect plan she's made. Although, she hopes that Jeremy is okay. When he said hits her over the head like a tidal wave. Where has she heard that before? Tears prick her eyes as she remembers her past. Those are sounds she can't muffle anymore.

 

Jeremy hears quiet crying and stands up quickly. He follows them to the bathroom, and the sounds grow louder. He pushes back the bathroom curtain, and for a second, it’s almost like it’s Michael there. Jeremy shakes his head and realizes its Faye, curled in a ball and crying. He drops to his knees by the edge of the tub, all remnants of anger gone from his voice, and he feels guilty for shouting. “Hey, sweetie, are you alright? What happened?”

 

“You sounded like mommy.” She cries looking up at Jeremy, super concerned. Just at that moment a door opens and shuts downstairs. “Tatay?” She gets out of the tub and stands at the top of the stairs, tears rolling down her cheeks. Feet in front of her stand Michael.

 

“Hi, sweetie.” Michael says from the bottom of the stairs, and he quickly walks up. “Is everything okay, Fairy? Where's Daddy?” He picks her up and sees Jeremy in the bathroom. “Well what happened here?” He's getting concerned.

 

Jeremy stands up and leaves the bathroom to stand behind Faye. He wants to comfort her, but doesn’t think touching her would be a good idea. “I- She- She tried to hide, I assume to stay up and wait for you, but I got worried and I said something and she freaked out and said I sounded like her m-mother and I swear I didn’t mean to, I’m so sorry Fairy.” He didn’t even try to stop the stream of words out of his mouth, he feels so guilty.

 

“It's okay, Daddy.” She sniffs. “You... you didn't mean to. You were worried about me.” Faye sighs. She's calmed down a bit since Michael picked her up. She leans on his shoulder and yawns. “I'm tired.” She falls asleep while Michael's holding her.

 

“I'm so sorry.” Michael whispers to Jeremy. He kisses Faye's forehead and walks into her room. He yawns as he places her into bed and gives her her teddy bear to hug instead of him. He walks out of the room with Jeremy. “I didn't mean to take that long! Baby, I am so sorry. Are you okay? You stuttered.” Michael scans his face with his eyes making sure that his husband is okay.

 

Jeremy sighs. “I’m fine. I just, I don’t want to be a repeat of her mother. I’ve slipped up a few times already, said some things that make her remember. I don’t want her to remember, Michael.” He looks up at Michael, biting his tongue. “I know some of the things she did to her, and I want them to stay forgotten.”

 

“I know, honey.” Michael rubs his eyes, for once, he's exhausted. “Look, she's going to be fine. She'll be okay. She won't remember how they were separated anyways, no way in hell Jer. We can make sure of that. But one day, if she does? We will be there for her, alright?” Michael sighs, which turns into a yawn. “Jeremy, she's going to be fine. I don't want her to remember either, but she's safe with us.” He puts an arm around Jeremy and pulls him close, kissing his head. “I'm sorry I took so long.”

 

“I just don’t want her getting hurt. Ever, ever again.” Jeremy wraps his arms around Michael, sighing. “‘S fine.” He mutters, shutting his eyes and almost melting into Michael. “You should go to bed, Michael, you seem exhausted.” He pulls away a little, looking up at Michael. “How did work go? Is the virus fixed?”

 

“I am extremely exhausted, Jer.” He sighs. “And yeah, I got the virus out but it took some recovery and I fell asleep while I was working. I'm sorry. I'm that tired.” He sighs releasing the embrace. He walks into their bedroom. “Is there anything you need to talk about because I'm willing to listen. Takes me awhile to sleep anyways.”

 

Jeremy just shrugs. “Not really. I’ll be fine.” He smiles at Michael reassuringly. “Go try to sleep, you need it. It’s been quite a long day.” He follows Michael into the room, sighing a little.

 

“I know it's been a long day. But I'm sure tomorrow will be better. For both of us.” Michael gets into bed and pulls Jeremy in with him. Michael kisses Jeremy’s forehead as he takes off his glasses. “I hope that never happens again. The virus was implemented by a hacker. There was a hacker in my game.” He yawns. “But it's fixed. It's all good.” Michael gets under the covers. “Care to join me, beautiful?”

 

Jeremy follows Michael under the covers, sighing. “I hope tomorrow is better.” He lays next to Michael, linking their hands. He leans up to kiss Michael’s cheek. “I’m glad it’s fixed.” He grins tiredly. “The only hacker allowed in your game is you.”

 

“Thanks, Mahal ko.” Michael smiles. “Goodnight Player two, I love you.” Michael kisses Jeremy’s head as he falls asleep. The next few days are mundane. However, Saturday morning had a...cute awakening. Michael and Jeremy had fallen asleep with their limbs intertwined. A certain little girl is currently jumping up and down on their bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! I’m not sure I’ll be able to upload on time next week. I’m going to give it a shot but I’m unsure if I can. I have rehearsals and school going on. Not to mention... there’s only one more fully written chapter! Don’t worry, there’s more to the story. I promise. We are just in the process of writing chapter eighteen.  
> ~ PlayerOneMell


	17. The Birthday Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Faye goes on her way to her first play date with a few worries before hand.

“Tatay! Tatay! Tatay! It’s Saturday! I have to go to Parker’s party!” She shouts, bouncing up and down. “Daddy! Tatay! Wake up, wake up, wake up!” She’s absolutely excited. “Come on sleepy heads!”

 

Jeremy woke up laughing. He reached out and grabbed Faye around the waist, pulling her into a hug. “‘S too early, Fairy.” His eyes are still closed, and he wraps his arms around the squirming girl. “I need my sleep.”

 

Michael's non responsive. He's out like a light. He's more of a heavy sleeper. Although Faye starts poking his face trying to get him to smile. “Faye, go back to sleep it's only…” he checks his watch, and sits up. “It's noon. Jeremy it's noon! Faye how long have you been awake for?” Michael asks grabbing his glasses.

 

“A few hours. The clock in the living room was at um.. ummm.” She tilts her head. “Eight.” She realizes and giggles. “I tried to make myself breakfast. I'm only five, I dunno how to cook. But I tried. The kitchen is a little messy.” She smiles.

 

Jeremy cracks open an eye, looking at her. He groans a little. “Okay, okay, I’m getting up.” He sits up, stretching. “How much of a mess?” He looks at Faye, still half asleep.

 

“Like... like your hair when you wake up messy.” Faye giggles look at Jeremy. “Why do you ask? I mean, I dunno how to clean it either.” She sighs, then she shrugs. She notices Michael has already gotten out of bed and skips down to follow him.

 

“FAIRY HOLY SHHHHH….MOKES! HOLY SMOKES!” Michael exclaims refraining from swearing. There's cereal scattered across the floor, a broken bowl on the counter, and jelly on the side of the fridge. “Jeremy! A little assistance.” Michael scoops Faye up, making sure she doesn't step on any of the broken pieces of the bowl she broke. “How did you get jelly on the side of the fridge, exactly?”

“I used a spoon.” Faye giggles.

“Okay, good. Not a knife. That's good.” Michael sighs, bouncing the little girl in his arms.

 

Jeremy follows Michael downstairs, trying to brush his hair down. “Wow. Dang. What were you trying to make, Fairy, a three course meal?” He smiles sleepily at the two of them. “Give me a minute to wake up, then I’ll help you. Want me to get Faye out of here so she doesn’t step on anything?”

 

“Well, I was going to make toast, but then the toaster short circuited. I didn’t know how to put the fire out so I called Uncle Richie while using Tatay’s phone. So then I tried to get cereal but I’m not tall and not a giant like you so everything went spsssssh. Then the bowl cut my finger.” Faye says showing Michael her finger.

 

“You’re kidding me.” Michael sighs. Michael hands the small child to his husband. “You can clean up her cut, and I can clean the kitchen.” Michael looks at Faye. “Next time, just come wake one of us up, okay?”

 

“Yeah, I’ll take care of it.” He carries Faye out of the room and into the bathroom, sitting her on the sink as he searches for bandages. “Your Tatay is right, it’s not safe for you to do that kind of stuff. You need to be careful, sweetie. Don’t try to cook or make food without one of us there, okay?” He pulls out the bandaids and cleans her cut, which is luckily small, wrapping her finger with a Batman bandaid. “There we go, all better.” Then he does something he hadn’t ever really done before and lightly kisses the bandaid.

 

Faye smiles and giggles at Jeremy’s kiss to her finger. “I guess both of my hands have Ouchies now.” She sighs, and then she looks at Jeremy. “I’m sorry Daddy, I didn’t mean to ruin the kitchen.”

 

Michael starts to clean the kitchen while Jeremy cleans the small girl’s cut. He ends up getting cut the same way Faye did, but just shrugs it off. As he finishes cleaning it, he steps into the bathroom and puts a bandaid on his finger. “It appears I’m just as clumsy as a certain little girl.” Michael sticks out his tongue.

 

“It’s fine, we’ll take care of it.” Jeremy smiles at Faye, helping her off the sink. “Now let’s go actually make breakfast, neatly this time.” He grins, looking up as Michael comes in. “Micah, did you get a cut too?” He rolls his eyes, smiling. He really loves his two clumsy dorks.

 

“Daddy, you should kiss his owie too! And make it all better.” Faye says looking between the two of them. “And don't you think it's a little late to have breakfast?”

 

“She's right, we have to feed her lunch if anything.” Michael smiles. “Won't you kiss it and make it all better Jer, please?” Michael teasingly pokes Jeremy with the cut finger. Having a child might be Michael's favorite thing.

 

Jeremy rolls his eyes. “You’re twenty four, not four.” He sees the look on Michael’s face and laughs a little. “Fine, come here, you dork.” He pulls Michael towards him and presses a kiss to his finger. “Now let’s make you guys some food, shall we?”

 

“I don't know.” Faye says quietly and shrugs. “I'm a little scared.” She sighs. She's suddenly grown rather quiet, her voice is barely audible. “I've never been to a birthday party before.” Faye seems to grow smaller as her words come out in small squeaks.

 

Michael looks at his kid, who seemed so excited only moments ago. “Fairy, it'll be fine. You'll have a lot of fun.” Michael kneels down next her, but looks up at Jeremy. If there's anyone who is the best at failing at social events? It's Michael Heere.

 

“You’re going to be okay, Fairy. It’s not that bad. I think it may just be you and Parker, so it’ll be just like a playdate. Just have fun and you’ll be okay.” Jeremy says, quickly running his hands through Michael’s hair on his way to the fridge. “How do you two feel about grilled cheese?”

 

Faye shrugs, falling silent. She's usually not silent like this around the house, but she doesn't feel the need to be talking right now. She just sits at the table, drawing circles with her finger.

 

“Whatever you want, Jer.” Michael smiles. “Thanks for my hair.” He sighs. Michael notices the small oath of silence Faye seems to have taken and just looks at Jeremy. It's not odd for Faye to be silent, but she's almost never silent at home. Michael just looks at Jeremy hoping that he will do something. Michael literally has no idea what to do.

 

“No problem,” Jeremy pulls out the sandwich makings, not noticing the silence for a second, then turns around. “Hey, Fairy, what’s up? It’s going to be okay, you shouldn’t be afraid.” He glances at Michael.

 

Faye doesn't seem to respond to Jeremy. She just sighs as Michael sits down next to her. “Sweetie, you're usually not quiet like this, are you feeling alright?” Michael asks looking into her eyes. “You can tell me and Daddy how you're feeling, it's okay.” Michael sighs.

 

Faye just shrugs and sighs again. Then she looks at Michael. “I've never really had a friend before.” She whispers. “What if he's just pretending to be my friend and this is just some sort of trick?” She asks. She's being very quiet, Michael and Jeremy seemed so happy she has made a friend. She doesn't want her parents to be disappointed in her.

“Oh, Fairy.” Jeremy moves to the other side of her. “I promise, he isn’t. If you heard what his mother said to me, you would know. He genuinely likes you, honey. He’s actually your friend.” He kisses her head, going back to the counters to make their food.

 

“What if something happens?” Faye asks, she's very concerned. “Like a bad feeling thing. Then what do I do?” She knows Parker would help her, but she's just too worried to even think five year old logic right now.

 

“Fairy, your friend would help you. Or his parents could call us.” Michael says. “It's gonna be fine. You'll be fine. It's just a party. Parties are fun. You'll have a fun time.” Michael says all in one breath. Michael is also a little bit panicky but he's trying not to be.

 

“Look at me, Fairy.” Jeremy says, going to sit in front of her. He takes her hands in his. “It’s going to go just fine.” He shoots a look at Michael, who looks just as nervous as their five year old. “Your Tatay is right. Parties are fun. You just need to let go of your fears and relax, okay? You have to make sure to breathe.” He squeezes her hands before standing up again. “Your friend will take care of you, I’m sure. And if it gets too bad, I’ll let his mom know. You just have to say something.” He smiles at Faye.

 

“But Tatay looks worried! And I'm scared. And Daddy I don't wanna leave you. I don't wanna leave the house. It's safe here and no one can hurt me.” She gets out of her chair and runs over and hugs Jeremy's legs. “I'm scared. And I don't wanna go.” She nuzzles into Jeremy's legs and starts crying.

 

Michael is clueless. She's so scared and he is frozen. He just looks at Jeremy and has no idea what to do. “Faye, it's going to be okay.” He voices comes out shaky and he decides to stay silent. Faye freaking out, freaks him out, which will freak Jeremy out. It's like a domino effect. So he decides just to kneel on the floor next to her. He doesn't say anything, just moves next to Faye.

 

“If you don’t want to go, I can call his mother and we can just play video games.” Jeremy says, dropping to sit on the floor and pulling Faye into a hug. “It’s alright, honey. No one’s forcing you to go.” He looks over her head at Michael, grimacing. He moves his hand, reaching it out to him.

 

Michael takes Jeremy's hands and his arms around Faye. The two hugging and the small girl in between them. “Whatever you want, Fairy.” Michael kisses Faye's forehead.

 

“I want to go.” She shakes. “I do.” She whispers, curling into the embrace she's in.“I'm scared. I want to go. But I don't.” Faye hugs herself. She stares at Michael and Jeremy's connected hands. “I just want a friend.” She whispers.

 

Jeremy slips one of his hands out of Michael’s to brush a hair that had fallen out of one of Faye’s braids behind her ear. “I know, honey.” He gives Faye a small smile. “It’s going to go just fine, if you decide to go. You can come home anytime you need to, we’re just a few blocks away. We’ll be there within minutes. Okay?” He kisses her forehead gently. “As soon as you feel uncomfortable, we can come get you. So what’s your decision? Stay or go?”

 

Faye looks down at the sticker on her cast. “I want to go.” She smiles nervously. Sure, she's nervous. Who wouldn't be? Faye's been mistreated her whole life, and the first people to show her basic human decency are Michael and Jeremy.

 

“That's my girl.” Michael kisses Faye's forehead. “You're going to be just fine, Fairy, I promise.” Michael looks down at her. “If Daddy never came over to my house the first time I invited him? Well, we might not be where we are today.” He looks to Jeremy. “Some friendships really do last forever.” Michael smiles. Michael's just happy because he married his best friend. He just wants Faye to be happy too.

 

Jeremy stands, ruffling Faye’s hair. “Sometimes longer than forever.” He says, grinning at Michael. “You’ll be fine, I’m sure you two will have a lot of fun. Go grab your coat, honey, we’ll be there in a second.” He gently tugs on Michael’s hand, lifting him to his feet.

 

Faye nods and skips off to the front hall to grab herself her coat. She doesn't question why Jeremy and Michael were staying in the kitchen, not that she minds.

 

Michael stands up and watches Faye skip off. He looks at Jeremy, and Michael's still a bit worried. Whether it's about himself or Faye, he's not sure. “What is it, babe?” Michael asks looking at Jeremy.

 

“I’m just worried about her. Is she going to be okay?” Jeremy’s voice is low. “You know how quiet she was about what was going on when we first got her. What if she doesn’t speak up?” He looks up at Michael, sighing a little. “I’m worrying too much. She’ll be fine, right?” He glances towards the front door. “I’m just worried about her and friends, though this boy does seem nice. Not the type to hurt her.” He smiles at Michael, taking his hand. “Let’s go.”

 

“Jeremy, we have every right to be worried. It's okay.” Michael pulls Jeremy back, and kisses Jeremy's head. “If he saved her in a sandbox, he can save her again. I'm just as scared as you are, but she's going to be okay. Faye is going to be fine, I promise.” Michael tries to reassure Jeremy while also trying to reassure himself.

 

Jeremy takes a deep breath. “Yeah. She’s going to be alright.” He smiles at Michael, giving him a light kiss. He sighs. “Let’s go take our child to her first ever playdate, shall we?” He looks up at Michael. “She’s probably getting impatient.”

 

“Impatient or anxious or both.” Michael shrugs, smiling. “She's growing up and I really don't like it.” He sighs and walks with Jeremy into the front hall. “Ready to go, Fairy?” Michael asks, looking at the small girl who's kicking the ground.

 

“I don’t exactly enjoy it either, but I’m glad she’s made a friend.” Jeremy smiles down at the girl, opening the door. He grabs his keys, heading out to the car to put Faye into her car seat.

 

“Daddy, Daddy, Daddy.” She's trying to get his attention. “Daddy!” She shouts. “Was your first play date with Tatay a party? What was it like? What did you do? Did you cry?” She asks.

 

Michael is lagging a bit behind and locks the door behind him. He follows the other two to Jeremy's car, not the Cruiser. “It wasn't a party.” Michael comments. “I don't like parties, Fairy. They're not really my favorite thing.” He sighs. Michael almost despises parties, but they aren't always bad.

 

Jeremy smiles a little. “No, it was just the two of us. He had me over and we played Mario Kart for, what, two hours?” Jeremy laughs, getting into the driver’s seat. “I did cry, but only because I fell over because your Tatay started chasing me to get the controller from me.”

 

“It was my controller, Jeremy.” Michael huffs playfully. “Three hours.” Michael smiles. “We kept you an extra hour for un-” He looks at Faye, she doesn't need to know this story. “Family reasons. Your parents asked us to and I didn't want you to leave.” Michael gets into the car.

 

Faye smiles at Michael and Jeremy. “Daddy and Tatay are forever, huh?” She giggles. “I want a forever friend. Can I have a forever friend? Do you think Parker will be my forever friend?” She asks quickly.

 

Jeremy glances at Michael, starting the car. “I’m sure he will be, honey. I hope he will be.” He smiles at Michael, putting the address into his phone, getting directions to Parker’s house. “It shouldn’t be too far.” He looks at Michael, taking a deep breath and pulling out of the driveway.

 

Michael leans over and kisses Jeremy's cheek. “You know, Faye, some friends don't last forever. That's okay too. This boy sounds very nice, and I'm willing to bet he wants to be friends forever, too.” He smiles back at Faye as they drive.

 

Faye stares out the window, watching all the sights go by. Faye really enjoys car rides, everything is just so beautiful to see. It's like being in a bubble, looking out a car window.

 

Jeremy pulls up to the house- or apartment building, so to speak. He looks over at Michael, who might look more nervous about this than Faye. “We’ll walk you in, alright, Fairy?” He glanced at Faye in the rearview mirror, shutting off the car. “You ready?” He grinned encouragingly at her, trying to be the less nervous one for once.

 

Faye nods quietly, and as the three get out of the car, Faye takes Jeremy’s hand. Michael looks a bit withdrawn from the situation. Faye looks up at Jeremy gives a small closed mouth smile. “Daddy, where are we?”

 

Nervous is Michael’s middle name when it comes to stuff like this. Well, not literally. His middle name is George, but that’s not important right now. Michael looks at his daughter and adjusts his glasses. “This an apartment building, baby girl.” Michael sighs. He pockets his hand and walks on the other side of Faye. “Don’t worry. It’s like a house. It’s a building with a bunch of small houses in it so a bunch of people can live in it! Parker lives in one of the small houses inside the building, Fairy.”

 

Jeremy holds Faye’s hand, smiling over her head at Michael. “We’ll have to take an elevator up there. Have you ever been on one?” He honestly isn’t sure. Faye seems fascinated by all sorts of things that were seen as normal by most people.

 

Faye tilts her head, and shakes it. “What’s an elevator? Is it evil? What does it do? It sounds scary. I don’t wanna go on it.” She says quietly, moving closer to Jeremy.

 

Michael isn’t exactly surprised at Faye’s reaction. She’s either fascinated by new things, or deathly afraid of them. “It’s like a box that moves up and down between floors.” Michael comments, almost mumbling. He doesn’t know if Faye actually heard him or not. It’s the best explanation he has.

 

“An elevator is perfectly safe, Fairy. It seems a little scary at first, but I promise it isn’t.” He says, squeezing her hand a little as they walk into the building. “Don’t be so nervous, it’s going to turn out just fine, sweetie.” He says reassuringly.

 

“Yeah. Worry not, baby girl. See how short that car ride was? Daddy and I will be here for you very quickly if you need us.” Michael smiles at the small girl. “You know what my favorite part of being on an elevator was when I was your age? Pressing the button.” Michael speaks, as they reach the elevator. “You don't have to let go of Daddy’s hand, you can do it with your broken wrist.”

 

Faye reaches up and presses the button for the elevator. “Wow, it lights up.” She says quietly, but smiling. “That's kind of cool.” She giggles a little bit, still being very quiet.

 

Jeremy smiles at the little girl, reaching out to ruffle her hair. “It is pretty cool, huh?” He pulls her back to stand near the wall. “It might feel a little weird at first.” He says as the elevator starts moving.

 

Faye jumps slightly and it makes her squeak. She is a little scared, and isn't sure if she likes the elevator or not. “It makes my stomach feel weird.” She mumbles under her breath. She holds onto Jeremy's hand a little tighter.

 

Michael smiles at her, and sighs. “Yeah, elevators can do that. It's physics, I can explain it to you later.” He says, trying to keep Faye calm. “Physics is science, Fairy.” He comments. “Science is fun, right?”

 

Jeremy holds Faye’s hand as Michael speaks, smiling a little. “Yeah, science is fun.” The elevator dings and the doors open to the right floor, showing a similar hallway to the ones they’d seen when they opened before. “Here we are, Fairy. We’re almost there.” Jeremy leads the small girl out of the elevator, keeping a hold on her.

 

Michael follows slightly behind because Faye only has one holdable hand. Eventually the trio stops at a door. Michael looks down at his daughter and sees the scared look on her face. “It’s okay, Fairy. Just knock.” Michael reassures.

 

Faye looks at Michael and nods. She lets go of Jeremy’s hand because she doesn’t want to knock on the door with her broken wrist. It’s a small knock, but it’s definitely loud enough for the people inside to hear. Faye looks up and takes Jeremy’s hand again, leaning against his leg.

 

Jeremy holds her hand tightly, and from inside the apartment comes the sound of running footsteps. “I’ll get it!” A young boy’s voice shouts. An older woman calls back, telling him not to run in the house, seconds before the door is thrown open. A small boy with scruffy brown hair stands there. He’s wearing a Spiderman t-shirt under a dark green flannel. He grins at Faye, then looks up at Michael and Jeremy. And further up. The little boy seems intimidated by their height, and he hides behind the door. “Hey Faye.” He says in a small voice, and Jeremy can’t help but smile a little.

 

Faye smiles and seems to relax a little more once her eyes land on her slightly shorter best friend. “Hi Parkie!” She smiles, and waves with her broken wrist. She’s not quite ready to let go of Jeremy. “This is my Daddy,” She points to Jeremy, “and this is my Tatay!” Faye then points over to Michael. “Don’t worry they’re really nice.”

 

Parker gives a shy wave. “Hi Mr. Faye’s Tatay and Mr. Faye’s Daddy.” He says, looking at them in awe. Then the tiny boy grins widely at Faye, showing tiny little kid dimples. “Faye, my mommy made a Spiderman cake and there’s pizza!” He says excitedly, bouncing on his heels. He is, indeed, wearing light-up sketchers, the peak of five-year-old fashion. “And we were gonna play Mario Kart but I told her that we couldn’t because of your wrist and she said we can watch movies and build a fort instead! And none of the meanies are coming, I promise.”

 

Jeremy looks down at Faye, hoping that this will be okay. He’s pretty sure it’ll all turn out fine, but from what he hears this party- if it can even be called that- seems to only be the two of them. He crouches down next to Faye, who’s still gripping his hand. “Go have fun, sweetie. We’ll be here to pick you up, okay? And we’re only a few minutes’ drive away, so we can be here if you need us.” He leans forward, kissing her forehead.

 

Faye nods and kisses Jeremy's cheek, and quickly hugs him. She's excited, but still a little scared. A good kind of anxious, if that really exists. “Bye Daddy!” She smiles and then turns to Michael, making grabby hands at him to lean down and hug her. “Bye Tatay!”

 

Michael sighs and kneels down. He gives Faye a kiss on the head and she kisses his cheek. “Bye, baby doll. Remember to be safe.” Michael smiles, and stands after receiving a hug from Faye, who ends up hugging Jeremy again. Michael sighs again and looks at Jeremy. Faye going inside with Parker. Jeremy and Michael being left outside the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Happy Friday. I’m glad it got this up and such. There’s more story to come and we are writing as fast as we can. Thank you for reading.   
> ~ PlayerOneMell


	18. Overprotective Gay Dads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael and Jeremy plan on having a nice relaxing afternoon together. However... something interrupts.

Jeremy smiles at the hugs, but it drops as soon as the door closes. “Let’s get out of here before I get worried for her, okay?” He grabs Michael’s hand, linking their fingers. “I’m excited and all, but I don’t exactly want to talk to Parker’s mother, either. Social interaction with adults is not my strong suit. Even teenagers are easier.” He let out a sigh, looking at Michael as they waited for the elevator.

 

Michael let out an exasperated sigh. “She loves you.” He mumbles. Michael seems to have taken note that Faye was paying much more attention to Jeremy rather than himself, during that entire ordeal. It's as if Faye favors Jeremy, and it kinda pisses Michael off. However, Michael's more sad than anything else.

 

Jeremy can tell Michael’s upset, and he leans over and nudges his husband with his shoulder. “She loves you too, Micah.” He squeezes Michael’s hand, pulling him into the elevator.

 

Michael rolls his eyes and sighs. He chooses to stay silent for now, but knows that he’s rather jealous of Jeremy. Michael knows that Jeremy is a better father than him, and this is just proof of his initial fears that he had when they first considered adoption. Michael doesn’t think he’s a good father, and Faye seems to love Jeremy more. Well, at least to him.

 

Jeremy lets Michael stay quiet for a while. He knows something is wrong with his husband, but he can’t quite figure it out. Out in the car, though, he breaks the silence. “Micah, is something wrong? You seem upset. Are you that worried about her?”

 

Michael sighs and shakes his head. “No, I’m sure she’s fine. I’m fine, everything’s just fine, Jeremy.” Michael comments. That couldn’t be more of a lie. Michael feels like complete shit, and he pretty much has a right to. He doesn’t think Faye loves him as much as she loves Jeremy.

 

Jeremy sighs. “You do realize that repeating the word fine doesn’t make me believe you.” He looks over at Michael. “Did I do something wrong that you’re not telling me?” He’s confused, and a little worried.

 

“Nothing like that, Jer. I’m probably just being petty.” If there’s a word Michael hates, it’s petty. He never has looked at himself that way, and saying the word felt wrong in his mouth. Michael is almost sure he’s being petty or over dramatic about this. “It’s Nothing you did, hun.” He sighs, trying not to think about it.

 

“Petty?” Jeremy tilts his head at Michael. “You’re not petty.” And that was true. He hadn’t ever actually known Michael to be petty. Sure, he had believed he was during the squipcident, but that had been wrong. “What’s wrong?”

 

“She loves you more than you more than she loves me.” Michael mumbles, hoping Jeremy did not hear him. Michael sighs, taking a very deep exhale.

 

Jeremy turns to Michael abruptly. “What?” He has definitely heard what Michael said, but almost wishes he hadn’t. “Micah, you think she loves me more?” He says, a little incredulously. “C’mon, have you seen the way she looks at you?”

 

“And have you seen the way she looks at you? Jeremy! She loves you.” Michael sighs, he is very firm in his beliefs that Faye loves Jeremy more than she loves him. “She’s always around you, and when you’re not around? She doesn’t shut up about you. It’s cute and all, but I’m here too.” He scoffs.

 

Jeremy sighs, looking at Michael. “You don’t know how much she talks about you when we’re alone, Micah. She loves you just as much as she loves me, and that’s a fact.” He sees that Michael doesn’t believe him. “Come on, who’s the one she goes to when she has nightmares? You. Who’s the one who she always wants to play video games with? You. Who’s the one she goes to for help with homework? You. Who’s the one she always asks to drive her to school? You. When I do, she always seems upset, and she never stops talking about you. Maybe it seems like she’s always around me, but that’s not true. You just see it that way. She loves you too, Micah.”

 

Michael sighs, and looks at Jeremy. “That doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you, Jer. She talks about you a whole lot. You, your job, your theatre kids. She only comes to me for nightmares because she doesn’t want you to also have nightmares, and she goes on and on about what they were about. By the way, it’s concerning. She’s five and her nightmares are worse than yours sometimes.” Michael runs his fingers through his hair and sighs once again. “I’m seeing your point, but she still loves you more.”

 

“Michael, she doesn’t love either of us more! That’s what I’m trying to say. She has things that she likes about both of us.” He says, trying to make him see. “I know, we should probably get those checked out soon. I’ll send the adoption agency a message about it and see if it’s possible for us to take her to a doctor before adopting her- but Micah, she doesn’t play favourites. She loves us both equally.” He seems very certain of this fact. “Because what you’re saying is the same on my end too, she never stops talking about you either.”

 

“Fine, Fine, Fine, it’s whatever, Jer.” Michael sighs, and then thinks for a moment. “Do you really think she’s okay up there? With Parker and all? I’m worried for her, baby.” He changes the subject, but really is concerned. He doesn’t want Faye getting hurt or feeling scared. Jeremy and Michael have always tried to make her feel safe and comfortable. Michael always gets nervous when Faye is around new people.

 

Jeremy sighs a little, giving Michael a soft smile. “I know, Micah, but I’m sure she’s okay.” He looks back at the apartment building, concerned himself, but he pushes it away. “I know it’s scary, but we have to let her get friends, you know? It’s gonna be okay, though, don’t worry.”

 

Michael shrugs and goes back to having his hands in his pockets. “Making friends can be really hard, and sometimes I worry that if she makes the wrong one she’ll end up more hurt. Besides, if she gets hurt by her friend? Or if she gets hit at school? Would we be blamed for that? Would Faye get taken away from us? I love her so much, I don’t want her to go away!” Michael sighs, clearly overthinking. He then pauses realizing what he has just said. “Holy shit, Jeremy. I think I’m committed to our smol bean.”

 

Jeremy sighs. “I know, I know.” He’d been asking himself all the same questions ever since the little girl came home with the invitation. “If she gets hit at school, I don’t think we’d be blamed, and we’re not letting her get taken away.” He says, trying to soothe his overthinking husband. He laughs a little at Michael’s response. “I’m pretty sure we both are. Just give this kid benefit of the doubt for a little while, I’m sure… I’m sure it’ll turn out fine.” He says, a little less sure than the words sounded. “Let’s just go home, and worry about her later, okay? She’ll be okay.”

 

Michael nods, he just can’t believe he’s committed to the little girl that he was so afraid of a few months ago when she arrived at the house. He still hasn’t called Faye his daughter or Faye Heere. He’s scared to. “Maybe we could go play some video games of our own? Although, do you have any work to do for your kids? I might have some work to do.” Michael checks his phone, just to make sure.

 

Jeremy gives a small smile. Sure, it’s not that much of an accomplishment, but it’s progress. Just a few more months and Faye will really be theirs. “I might have a little work to do, but we should be able to get some gaming in.” He says hopefully.

 

“I just have to look at some last minute bugs and then I have game previews tomorrow morning. Looks like the game will be released by Christmas and we start talking about making it a series in January. So… after this week I’m gonna be off for a long time.” He smiles and kisses Jeremy’s head. “Which means I get our little flower to myself until you’re done with the show.”

 

Jeremy laughs a little. “That’s amazing, Micah. I’m proud of you.” He says, before glancing back at the apartment building. “We should get going until we’re hanging around here all night being overprotective.” He jokes, giving Michael a grin.

 

“Just hope that our little Fairy will be alright.” Michael smiles softly and sighs. He agrees with Jeremy and the two head home. As they get there, and Michael’s unlocking the front door, he realizes something. “Jer, we’re home alone.”

 

Jeremy hadn’t been paying all that much attention- for all his reassuring Michael, his mind is still stuck on Faye. He looks up at Michael’s words, biting his lip. “Yeah, so-“ Then he realizes what Michael means, or at least what he thinks Michael means. “Oh, yeah, we are.” He says, cheeks going a little pink.

 

“I’m honestly not sure what to do.” He hums and looks around the house. Having Faye around for awhile it is odd not to have the cute little girl hugging his leg or pestering him and Jeremy questions. Is this how it’s going to feel when Faye is all grown up? That’s not a road Michael wants to go down. “It’s kinda like finally having a moment to relax.”

 

Jeremy gives Michael a small smile. “Funny, the entire time she’s been here it’s felt weird having a kid in the house. Now that she’s not here, the house just feels… empty.” He says, pulling off his coat. He glances at Michael, tilting his head. “There’s a lot of things we could do, but…” He trails off.

 

“I miss her.” Michael says quickly. “I… I never knew how much she meant to me, I guess. Jer, how did that little girl steal my heart so fast? Now all I wanna do is wrap her up in a princess blanket and protect from all the bad shit that’s happening in the world! And I can fucking swear cause she’s not here.” He grins.

 

Jeremy can’t help but laugh at that. “Yes, you can fucking swear. Don’t get used to it though.” He leans up to kiss Michael’s nose. “She stole your heart because she’s Faye, and she’s adorable, and she’s going to be perfectly safe with both of us. Princess blanket wrapping can commence after she gets home and won’t shut up about her new friend, okay?” He says with a slightly teasing grin.

 

Michael sighs softly but nods a bit when Jeremy says that, it makes him smile. “So… do you like wanna watch a movie or a musical bootleg or what? We can snuggle under blankets and I’ll make hot cocoa. It’ll be like when we had midterms in college all over again.” Michael suggests. He’s a father and still refuses to grow up.

 

Jeremy laughs a bit, then nods. “That sounds great, actually. Or we can binge watch Deep Space Nine like we did before eighth grade, remember that?” He says with a soft smile. “But really… TV and hot chocolate and cuddles sound perfect.” He leans over to kiss Michael’s cheek.

Michael grins. “Deep Space Nine… that just reminds of the DnD space campaign that I somehow came up with. I’m such a nerd, oh my goodness. The ship we were on and travel through high speed? It was awesome. Rich would only use the chromatic orb with fire because he thought it was funny. It was always cool that you were an elf. It was more common to run into moon elves when we were doing the space campaign. Ah, what a glorious time. I’ll teach Faye to play DnD someday. Would it be sad if she wanted to be a Dragonborn because they are rarely ever near their birth parents? I mean, dragons are dangerous, like Faye’s birth mother.” Michael is rambling and doesn’t realize his dark turn.

 

Jeremy can only watch with a slight smile on his face. It was always fun to watch Michael get animated about things. He leans forwards, lightly kissing Michael to stop his rambling, his smile turning sad at the mention of Faye’s mother. “We’re both nerds, and it was awesome. We should definitely teach her, somewhere down the line.” He doesn’t comment about the dragon metaphor. “Also, we have to have Jake and Rich over again for that sometime soon.”

 

Michael nods and has a slight blush with the kiss. “Oh! That would be amazing. I miss playing those games and I feel… I feel so old, ya know? It’s not like we are old or anything, we just have a five year old in our house. We have to take care of her, at least for the time being. I love her so much and I just want her to have the best life we can give her. While she’s here… Jeremy, do you ever think about what would happen? If she left..” Michael’s dorky grin slips as he faces his husband. “It scares me at times. I don’t want her to go. I know it’s only been a few months, but…. it would feel wrong with her being taken away and us getting another kid to foster. There’s so much I wanna show her and teach her. Like Christmas, about the tooth fairy, and DnD, certain video games, and so much more.” Michael’s smile returns.

 

Jeremy hesitates before responding. He doesn’t want to admit that he’s been thinking some of the same things. He doesn’t want to say that he’s worried about that too- both of them worrying results in bad experiences, and it doesn’t work out too well. Instead, he just gives Michael a small smile. “I know. But… if all goes well, we’ll hopefully adopt her soon. It’ll take time, and a shitload of paperwork, but she’s never going to leave us. I’m never, ever going to let that happen.” He sounds almost aggressive when he says this.

 

Michael takes a step back. “Okay. Okay…. Jer, sweetie, I just… I don’t know if we should adopt her so soon. I want to but it’s only been a few months and adopting is a big commitment. You can’t really go back on it, right?” There’s that anxiousness Michael expressed the very first day Jeremy and him discussed adoption.

 

Jeremy hesitates, biting his lip. He’s thinking, until he find a compromise. “How about… how about we give it until the end of the year? It’s a month or so to make a decision, then if we do decide to adopt her, we can start on the paperwork. That should be enough time, and… and if you want to, we can back out. Right?” He hasn’t really considered not adopting Faye, but this is the best idea he can come up with.

 

Michael nods, “Sorry, babe. You know how scared I get with new things, when I get attached they seem to run away. I just… I’m not quite ready for that. I can’t even call her Faye He-...Faye He…. I give up.” He sighs, exasperated.

 

Jeremy sighs, except he sounds more sad than anything. “Don’t be sorry. I haven’t- I came back after I ran away.” He feels slightly- okay, a lot guilty that he ever left Michael in the first place. But it’s in the past now, and though they’re still more than a little messed up from it, they can move on. “And I’m never going to leave you again. I promise. And you don’t have to call her that just yet, okay?”

 

Michael nods slowly and sighs. “I know you wouldn’t, babe. Even if… sometimes I have nightmares about it. I know you’re here, babe. I love you very much. But I Uh… I bet you could call her by the full name.” He looks at Jeremy, leading him to sit on the couch while they talked.

 

Jeremy sits down on the couch, pulling Michael down next to him and resting his head on his shoulder. “That doesn’t matter right now. What matters is that she’s here, and she’s with us, no matter what the name. I just… I don’t like her given last name. I don’t want her having any connection to Faye.” He mutters quietly.

 

Michael nods, “She won’t. She’s our little fairy.” Michael smiles softly and kisses Jeremy’s head, relaxing into the couch. Then he sits up with a small gasp. “We never fed Faye. We didn’t eat. She got so scared that we just left.”

 

Jeremy puts a relaxing hand on Michael’s arm. “Micah. Calm down. She’ll get food there. But we should also get food, you especially.” He gives Michael a very fatherly look, like when he was telling Faye to do her homework.

 

“Oh Uh… right.” Michael sighs. “But you’re eating with me because being alone sucks.”

 

Jeremy leans over, kissing his cheek. “Alright, alright.” He stands up, pulling Michael to his feet. “Let’s go see what we have. Not jam, apparently, and toast is out of the question, considering our toaster is now broken.”

 

“I suppose we need a new toaster.” Michael laughs softly. “I think it’s clear that our little girl isn’t going to be a cook anytime soon.” He looks at Jeremy. “So, what’re we eating? We can order something and still watch the movie. I won’t be clumsy and spill. We can cuddle.” He smiles. He’s trying to be cute.

 

Jeremy laughs a bit. “We’ll worry about toasters later. For now… let’s order in, watch movies, and overall be total nerds. Sound like a plan?” He likes Michael trying to be cute, but honestly, Jeremy’s pretty sure Michael is always cute so it isn’t even anything different.

 

Michael nods slowly. “We should wear onesies because it’s the holiday season and that’s what we normally do and also we have to get Faye a onesie.” Michael grins. “Oh it would be so fun!”

 

Jeremy snorts with laughter. “Faye would look adorable in a onesie.” He says, heading into the kitchen. “Also, I’m not calling. Found an app where you can just put in what you want. It’s an anxious introvert’s dream.” He says with a small laugh.

 

“Yeah, we use that at work sometimes in the office. What else are you supposed to do when you work in an office with a bunch of nerds, right? I suppose that’s why they always make me travel for tech conferences. I’m the least awkward, woo hoo. I just have the app cause I was sick of having the office make me call people over the phone.” He sighs. “We can just use my app if you don’t have it.”

 

“I’m only not awkward around my kids. They’re easier than adults. Adults are just… ugh.” Jeremy wrinkles his nose, but pulls out his phone. “I’ve got it here.” He puts in the order, which is a lot faster than him stuttering through an awkward phone call as it is. He puts his phone back in his pocket, smiling at Michael. “So what’s the game plan? Movies and food?” He says, leaning against the counter.

 

“What movie? I’m sick of superheroes and Disney because that is all Faye will ever, ever, ever watch. So Harry Potter, Star Wars, a musical bootleg, something I dunno - PG 13? I can’t handle the kids films.” Michael says dramatically. Him and Faye watch movies while Jeremy is at work.

 

Jeremy laughs, it’s nice not being the dramatic one for once. He doesn’t mind Michael’s dramatics, even if he works with theater kids for a living. “Although superheroes and Disney are quite amazing, I do agree we need to branch out.” He considers for a second. “I’d suggest a horror movie, but there’s very few of them I could honestly tolerate right now. So… Star Wars?”

 

“Star Wars is technically Disney but sure, let’s watch Star Wars because it’s high key wonderful.” Michael smiles softly. “I’m just happy we get to spend some time together. I’ve missed you so much.”

 

Jeremy laughs a bit. “Minor technicality.” He says with a smile, then thinks for a second. “You don’t miss me, because I’ve been here the whole time. You miss spending time with me.” He’s being a smartass, apparently.

 

“Shut the fuck Up or I’m making you answer the door when the gets here.” Michael laughs softly, but he’s not joking. “I love you and I want cuddles though.” It seems as if the afternoon together is ruined as Michael gets a call from Parker’s mother. “Hello Ms. Peterson, this is Michael Heere. Is everything okay?” Michael can talk to adults.

 

Jeremy rolls his eyes at Michael, but he does, indeed, shut the fuck up as he is told. “Love you too-“ He was interrupted by the phone ringing, and he looks concernedly at Michael when he hears who it is. He tries to reassure himself and say it’s probably just her saying that Faye’s okay, but he can’t help but worry.

 

On the other end of the phone, a worried woman’s voice says, “Hello, Michael, I’m afraid something’s come up with Faye. She seems to have broken out in hives, and she’s saying her stomach hurts. Does she have a peanut allergy?” She sounds almost as concerned as if it was her own child that was feeling sick.

 

“I… don’t think so. She’s had peanut butter before.” This is when Michael took action he covers the phone and looks at Jeremy. “Faye broke into hives and her stomach hurts. Do we still have her medical records from the adoption agency somewhere? Cause… now would be the time to know if she’s allergic to something.” Michael goes back to the phone. “Is she alright, is she crying?”

 

Faye is indeed a crying little girl and she’s lying on the floor, face down. She’s looking right at Parker and sits up. She’s itching some of her eyes. “Parkie, I’m scared…” Faye sniffles and looks at him like she’s horrified.

 

Jeremy immediately goes into concerned parent mode, nodding quickly. “I’m going to go check, okay? Ask her if Faye had anything new. I’ll be right back.” Jeremy ran upstairs, digging through their closer to find their box of paperwork.

 

Meanwhile, on the other side of the phone, Jackie Peterson is extremely worried. “She is crying, but she only started about five minutes ago.” She says, trying to be logical about this. “It only started after she had dessert, so I don’t think it was anything in the pizza.”

 

She watches as her son tries to calm down his friend. “Faye, you gotta be brave. I’ll protect you from these monsters. I bet it’s just some evil villain making your stomach all rumbly! But it’s okay, because you have me until your daddies come, and they’re like- they’re like, the coolest superheroes, right?” He says, eyes lighting up even though he’s concerned. He’s heard enough about Faye’s parents to know that he finds them super cool, if a little scary.

 

Faye nods, “Daddy and Tatay are my favorite superheroes.” She sighs and looks down. She wants to be at home with Michael and Jeremy. Nothing too awful ever happens at home to her. “I’m so sorry, Parker. I didn’t mean to ruin your party.” She cries harder and starts hyperventilating.

 

Michael can’t hear Faye, but he hears Jackie’s concern. “No, she’s had pizza before. Did she have anything new for dessert? She usually gets curious about new things. She didn’t exactly have a lot of food in her past.” Michael is biting his nails. “Jackie, I know this is all really important but I need you to ask Faye something very important. Ask her if she has a dying feeling. It’s how she describes her anxiety attacks, and she doesn’t know to breathe on her own.” Michael’s definitely freaking out but he’s trying to stay as calm as possible.

 

Jeremy’s back with the medical records, and he’s trying not to worry too much. Too many anxious thoughts and he won’t be able to help his little girl. He sifts through the papers, sitting on the couch and searching for anything that indicates allergies. “Nothing. She’s not allergic to anything they tested for, she’s not lactose intolerant. So I don’t- I don’t know what it is.” He says, chewing on his lip. He looks up at Michael, so scared that something’s wrong with their child.

 

Parker’s brow furrows as he wraps his arms around Faye, gently, just in case she doesn’t want him to hug her. But really, it’s pretty much all he knows to do. “You gotta breathe, right? Like you said your daddies told you to. In and out. You can do it!” He says, with all the optimism of a small child.

 

Jackie kneels by the two kids, trying not to look worried. Usually, if small children see an adult looking afraid, they get afraid as well. “Faye, honey, can you answer a question for me? Your- your Tatay asks if you feel a ‘dying feeling’.” She says soothingly, keeping her voice calm.

 

Faye nods and rubs her eyes to try and stop crying. “... yes. Yes. I’m scared.” Faye whines and hugs Parker back and stays close to him. She’s terrified. “I want Tatay and Daddy to make it all better.”

 

Michael hears this and feels his heart drop. His little girl is panicking and having an allergic reaction to something unknown. “Jackie, I heard her. Me and Jeremy will be there as soon as possible.” Michael hangs up. He doesn’t even wait for an answer if Faye had ate something new. “She’s having an anxiety attack and we aren’t there. We gotta go now. She wants us there.” Michael takes Jeremy by the hand and just speed walks with him out the door.

 

Jeremy was a bit surprised when he was suddenly pulled to his feet, stumbling after Michael. “Micah. Hold on.” He pulls Michael back towards the house. “First of all, shoes. Second of all, I’m going to stay here and look through the paperwork again, see if there’s something I can make sense of. You go, save our little girl.” He kisses Michael’s cheek, giving him an urgent look.

 

Parker wraps his arms around Faye as she cries, and he’s momentarily distracted by his mom, looking up at her. “Mommy, is Faye gonna be okay?” He asks quietly, looking down at the girl who’s shorter than him for once.

 

Jackie sighs, kissing her son’s head. “Of course she is.” She turns to Faye. “Your dads are on their way, sweetie, okay? You’re going to be okay. You just need to breathe, in and out for me until they get here, alright? Can you do that?” She says, voice soft.

 

Faye shakes her head and just whines. She’s not exactly saying anything, she’s just making small whining noises. Her arms are itchy and her stomach hurts and she feels like she can’t breathe.

 

Michael looks at Jeremy and slips on his shoes. “Are you crazy? Jer, she’s gonna want both of us there. Besides… she prefers you when she has panic attacks not me! I caused her first one. What if something happens?” It’s clear Michael’s scared out of his mind but he’s still putting on a cost cause it’s winter and he doesn’t need Jeremy to worry about him catching a cold.

 

 

“I know, I know.” He says, sticking his hands in his pockets so Michael can’t see the way his fingers are tapping. “But one of us- we still have food coming. Seriously, Micah, you should go, I know she’ll want both of us, but you’re wasting time.” He says urgently, looking nervous. He also doesn’t want to go there and calm down his panicking child, that just seems hypocritical.

 

Parker looks concerned. He’s worried for his friend, but he wants her to calm down, at least a little. “Faye, focus on me.” He says worriedly. He learned that word from ‘focus words’ at school, and he pulls away to look at Faye. “Try to do the in and out, okay? You can do it, I promise. Imagine… imagine like that movie you told me about, with the kid with the bubble head. Imagine you’ve got a bubble head. And you’ve got air in the bubble.” He’s trying to describe Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, but he’s failing.

 

Faye is sort of understanding what Parker is saying, but she coughs. She feels a bit like her throat is closing up. That might not be the anxiety, and that might actually be her allergies. She can’t tell the difference and keeps her big brown eyes on Parker and his green flannel. The sight of her best friend. She sniffles again, she wants to feel better for him.

 

“You’re.. you’re right.” Michael kisses Jeremy’s head and leaves with another word. He gets in his car and starts driving to the apartment building that he had dropped Faye off not so long ago. He is trying to keep his speed down so he doesn’t break the law. He doesn’t need to get a speeding ticket above all else. He starts running when he gets to the building and does his best not to slip on ice. He skips the elevator and runs all the way up the stairs to knock on the Peterson’s apartment door.

 

Jackie opens the door almost immediately, looking immensely relieved at the sight of Michael there. She’s slightly confused as to why Jeremy isn’t with him, but decides not to question it. She steps aside, letting Michael into the small apartment. “She’s in the living room.” She says, leading Michael to the room.

 

Parker is on the floor with Faye, looking at his friend worriedly. He’s trying his best, trying to make his friend feel better, but he’s just so worried. Mean people, he can protect Faye from. But he’s out of his depth with allergies and her own thoughts. The best he can do is be there, and look up at Michael when he sees him. “Please, Mr. Faye’s Tatay, I wanna help.”

 

Michael nods and sits down next to Faye who’s reaching for him. “Alright, Parker. I’ll teach you, Okay?” Michael scoops Faye in his arms around Faye wraps her arms around Michael’s neck. “Fairy do the breathing with me while I talk, Okay? In, hold, and out. 4-7-8.” And Michael does it a few times with Faye before he looks at Parker. “If you can remember those numbers and do this with her when she feels like she’s dying? She’ll be just fine.” Michael turns to Jackie “What did she eat?”

 

Faye is clinging close to Michael and trying to breathe but she really can’t. “Tatay, I can’t, I can’t.” She reaches one of her hands to hold Parker’s hands. She can even tell that Michael is scared right now. “Where’s Daddy?”

 

Parker is paying closer attention than he ever has in class, repeating the numbers over and over in his head, making sure to remember them. He nods when Michael turns to him, not wanting to interrupt, only squeezing Faye’s hand gently and giving her a small dimpled smile that fades when he sees her face.

 

Jackie is kneeling by them, thinking of everything, then it suddenly hits her. “She tried the cookies I made, didn’t she? Gingerbread, we made them because it’s going to be Christmas soon. She said she’d never had them before. Could that be it?”

 

Michael nods, “It has to be..” He looks down at Faye. “If you really can’t breathe, Fairy...I gotta call the paramedics baby doll.” She sighs and kisses her head. “Jackie, actually, can you? I think Jeremy might wanna know about this…” Michael sighs, taking out his phone.

 

“Did Daddy not come because he doesn’t love me anymore?” Faye coughs. “Cause Daddy doesn’t care?” Faye’s just being a sad little girl who’s very slowly dying of an allergic reaction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry to leave you on a bit of a clinffhanger. But hey! I didn’t have to delay posting. More next week, hopefully on time. We are trying to stay ahead in writing and I have to edit and write at once. PlayerTwoHeere actually named this chapter. Enjoy that. Let us know what you thought!  
> ~ PlayerOneMell
> 
> real talk i love Parker with my entire heart and soul and I think I may like writing him more than Jeremy whoops-
> 
> ~PlayerTwoHeere


	19. Never A Happy Ending

Jackie nods, standing up and calling the number, walking a little away from the small huddle. She lets the paramedics know what’s happening, as quickly and as precisely as she can.

 

Parker frowns, looking up at Michael for a second, then shook his head, answering for Michael. “Of course not. That’s just impossible. Your daddy loves you. He’s prolly just doing grown up things. I know my mommy does grown up things when she’s not with me, and she still loves me the same.” He says, nodding like he just delivered words of wisdom. Which, for a small kid, he kind of did.

 

Michael nods, “Daddy loves you very, very, very much. He’s actually looking at medical records so we can fix what’s wrong with your tummy and your skin.” Michael says softly, explaining. He’s glad Parker is good with words at times because he’s being sweet to Faye. Maybe this friend isn’t so bad after all. Anyhow, Michael’s waiting for Jeremy to pick up the phone and silently praying for Jeremy to pick up the line.

 

Faye nods and looks at Parker. She coughs again, “Parkie! I don’t wanna die. Am I gonna die? I wish everything would go away and stop and be all better.”

 

Parker shakes his head quickly. “You’re not gonna die! I’m not gonna let you, and neither will your Tatay. It’s just a little sicky, right?” He looks up at Michael, then at his mom, who had knelt next to them again.

 

Jackie nods, glancing at Michael. “The paramedics are on their way. They said to keep her as calm as possible, they’ll be here in a few minutes.” She looks at Faye with a soft smile. “They’ll fix you right up, it’s probably just an allergy. It means you can’t eat a certain thing because your body doesn’t like it.”

 

 

Jeremy picks up the phone, holding it to his ear with his shoulder. He’s obviously concerned, but tries not to make it that worrisome. “Hey, Mikey, is she okay? I found a report but I can’t make sense of it, what’s going on over there?” He asks, trying to keep his voice steady.

 

Michael sighs. “Faye can’t breathe at all. Jackie just called the paramedics…” Michael’s trying his best to sound as calm and adult like as possible. He wants to cry and break down and he can’t because he’s holding his daughter. “Faye… our sweet little girl…. Jeremy I’ve got all figure out, just get our butt over here because Faye wants you here. She’s worried you don’t love her and I know you do, but our girl needs you.”

 

Faye is trying to listen to phone call. She turns away from Parker for a moment and stays closer to Michael. “Daddy… Daddy I’m scared.” She cries, hoping Jeremy will hear her.

 

Jeremy is out the door before Michael can even finish his sentence. The very idea that Faye thinks he doesn’t care drives him to actually act. He pulls on his shoes and coat, heading out. “I’m on my way, okay? I’ll be there as soon as I can.” He takes a deep breath. “Faye, if you can hear me, I love you, and I’m on my way. You don’t have to be afraid anymore.”

 

Parker shifted closer to the two of them, smiling at Faye. “See? Your daddy does love you, doofus.” He squeezes her hand gently.

 

Faye sniffles and hears sirens. “I can’t help it Daddy. I’m really, really, really scared. I’m sorry, Parkie. I’m sorry Tatay.” She coughs.

 

The sirens are making Michael silently panic. He puts the phone down because it’s on speaker. “Fairy, stop talking for me, Okay? Try to focus on your breathing. Me and Parker are here and Daddy is on the phone. He’s on his way.” Michael says softly and calmly. “It’s gonna be okay.”

 

Jeremy walks as fast as he can, barely paying attention to people on the street- something he never does, he’s always hyperaware of everyone. But his child is in danger, he doesn’t care about being mugged right now. “I’m almost there, Faye, okay? Just keep calm for your Tatay.” He said softly, entering the apartment building.

 

As he speaks, Parker shifts closer. He tries to think of some way to calm Faye down, running through ideas in his head. Then he looks up at Michael, considering for a second. “See, Faye? You’ve got all these superheroes looking out for you- it’s like you’ve got your own Avengers!” He says.

 

Faye shakes her head, “I don’t like the sirens. They’re too loud and flashy.” That’s all she says because Michael just told her to be quiet. She’s wishing she had her teddy bear to hold. She’s really scared.

 

Michael covers her ears and kisses her head. “Faye, I got you. Parker is here, I’m here, and Daddy is almost here. Parker’s mom is here too and she’s helping. The paramedics might move quickly but they’re gonna help you.”

 

Jeremy tests the doorknob, slightly panting from racing up the stairs. “Hey, Fairy, I’m here, okay? And I heard the paramedics on the way.” He barely glances at Jackie, too focused on Faye to really worry about anyone else. He leans into Michael’s side slightly. “You doing the breathing that I taught you?”

 

Parker nods, answering for Faye. In that second, he becomes her voice. “She’s been trying, but she says it’s hard. But she’s gonna be okay, right?” He looks at the adults as his mom puts her arm around him.

 

Michael nods, “Yeah, Parker. Faye is gonna be perfectly fine.” Michael shifts a bit to bring Faye closer to Jeremy. “We just made have to stand back when the paramedics come in, Alright?”

 

“Alright.” Parker says, shifting a little away from Faye, just enough to give her space but still be able to hold her hand gently.

 

“Faye, you just have to remember to breathe until they get here.” Jeremy says gently, brushing her hair away from her forehead. “Micah, did you find out what caused it?” He asks, looking over to his husband with worry.

 

“Gingerbread cookies. I’m assuming the ginger.” Michael comments. “It only seems logical. I’ve never seen her this bad before.” He kisses Faye’s head. The sirens were getting closer. “Don’t worry, baby doll, paramedics are almost here. They’ll make you feel better. It’s okay.” He rubbing her back a bit. His head is leaning on Jeremy’s shoulder.

 

Jeremy nods, opening his mouth to reassure his little girl before the door opens and paramedics rush in. Jackie stands to one side with Parker, who looks like he wants to go after Faye. Jeremy steps out of the way as well, allowing them to see Faye.

 

Faye doesn’t really want to let go of Michael, but Michael slowly separate himself from her. He just sits by her, but not too close. They paramedics have to check Faye’s pulse and lots of other paramedic stuff. They did have to stick an epipen in her thigh so she could breathe. However, the small shot just made her cry more. Not necessarily a good thing, but she’s okay and alive. No hospital visit needed. She just feels guilty for running Parker’s birthday party.

 

Jeremy lets out a sigh, keeping an eye on his little girl and his husband, before making his way over to Jackie and Parker. “Thank you so much, and sorry for- for everything.” He stumbles over his words slightly, but he’s so relieved and thankful that Faye is okay.

 

Jackie gives him a reassuring smile. “It’s all okay, Jeremy. I wasn’t just going to let her get hurt under my roof. I’d rather have her safe and sound than hurt and panicking.” She puts a gentle hand on his arm. “Whenever Faye is here, I swear that I’ll keep her as safe as I do Par-“ She looks down, looking for Parker, but he’s run off to Faye.

 

Parker’s sitting next to Michael and Faye, but he’s staying silent for once. He doesn’t seem to know why, but he’s pretty sure that Faye isn’t going to respond very well. Maybe it’s the crying.

 

Faye holds onto Michael, but she’s faces Parker. “I’m so sorry I ruined your party, Parkie.” She feels awful for ruining her best friend’s party. She’s not sure if they’re best friends yet, but she’ll bring it up at another time.

 

Michael kisses Faye’s head. He’s thankful that she’s alright. She knows that she should feel bad and this was all a huge accident. He decides to let Parker say that if he will. She’s apologizing to him after all.

 

Parker shakes his head quickly. “No, Faye! You didn’t ruin anything!” He insists quickly. “You’re my best friend, you couldn’t ruin it.” He glances at Michael, seemingly making a decision. “And ‘sides, it’s not your fault. It’s the evil cookie’s fault.”

 

Jeremy makes his way over to Michael, letting out a soft sigh. While the two kids are talking, he leans over to his husband. “Are we going to let her stay? Or take her home?” He asks quietly, so the two can’t hear.

 

Michael shrugs and stands to talk to Jeremy, Faye now hugging Parker, he looks at him. “Honestly, I think it’s up to her. One of us can always stay here with her. We can both stay. What do you wanna do?”

 

“I don’t think a cookie can really be evil cause it’s not alive, but okay!” Faye is smart for only being five. “I’m still sorry, Parkie. Can we still have fun? Are we really best friends? Daddy! Tatay! Parker just said I was his best friend.” She’s bouncing up and down.

 

Parker tries to hug Faye back, but with the way she’s bouncing, he just falls over. “Of course we’re best friends! And who says something has to be alive to be evil?” He frowns, but decides to agree with Faye. Faye is smart, she normally knows what she’s saying.

 

Jeremy smiles at the two kids. “That’s great, sweetie. You can stay here if you want to, I want you to have fun, okay?” He looks over at Michael. “I don’t want to leave her, but I don’t want to overstay our welcome-”

 

Jackie cuts him off, smiling at him. “It’s perfectly okay, Jeremy. We have plenty of food left over, and I’d enjoy some company.”

 

Michael smiles a bit at that. “See? Everything’s gonna be okay, and we can stay. We can stay until Faye gets tired and wants to go home. Considering how much she naps, I’d say that’s not too long.”

 

Faye hugs Parker for real. She wants a hug and she likes Parker. “My best friend… you’re the best ever Parker!”

 

Parker gives the biggest grin possible for a kid so small. “Of course you’re my best friend! But I think you’re the best ever.” He also likes Faye, so he definitely doesn’t mind the hug.

 

Jeremy gives Michael a smile. “Yeah, okay. If it’s really not too much trouble-“

 

“It isn’t-“ Jackie interjects.

 

“-then I guess we can stay for a bit.” Jeremy gives a soft sigh, but it’s covered up by the two kids cheering with delight. The adults sit in the small kitchen, with a little awkward chit-chat, until Parker runs up to his mom, tugging on her shirt.

 

“Mommy, mommy, could I go to Faye’s place again sometime?” He asks, eyes bright.

 

Jackie sighs. “I have class most of next week, honey, but we’ll see.”

 

“Class?” Michael says very quietly, almost to himself. It takes him a moment to deduct things. Parker’s mom must still be in school. She’s not young like a college student, but she’s probably going to get a better job. “Jackie, we can always watch Parker for you. It shouldn’t be too much trouble.” Michael doesn’t even think to conference with Jeremy on this one. It just makes sense to him.

 

Faye doesn’t hear any of this. She’s looking at the Wii console, and sighs. She hasn’t seen people live so poorly since she lived poorly herself. To her, Michael and Jeremy’s house is a castle. It’s got so many different gaming systems, but all Parker has is a Wii. She feels sad for Parker, but a bit sad for herself. She can’t even play video games with him, and it’s all because she fell over ice skating.

 

“I’m trying to get back into school, get a better job.” Jackie says, echoing Michael’s thoughts. “It’s hard trying to juggle getting Parker to school and home, but we’re managing.” She sighs, looking down at Parker. At Michael’s words, Parker lights up, but Jackie frowns. “I have a babysitter-“

 

“I don’t like Sylvia!” Parker whines. “She’s boring and she never plays with me. And she’s always on her phone. And she doesn’t like me. Please, please, please can I go to the Heere’s instead?” He pleads.

 

Jeremy looks at Michael, giving a soft smile. He hadn’t expected Michael to offer. “If you need a place for him to go, we can always watch him. He keeps Faye out of trouble and vice versa, I’m sure it wouldn’t be too much of an issue.”

 

“Besides, it gives Faye someone to play with if I need to finish up any work by the time I get her home. The house will be a little less lonely when Jeremy works at night. I don’t have a problem with watching him, and I’m sure Faye will love to have him around.”

 

Jackie looks at the two men across from her, a small smile on her face. “Thank you.” She says quietly. “I’m sure if it’s not too much trouble, and Parker wants to…” She trails off. “Only a few days, okay?”

 

It takes Parker a second to realize. When he does, he wraps his arms around his mother’s legs, grinning widely. “Thank you!” Then he runs off to tell his best friend the good news.

 

Faye is still just sitting on the floor, but now she’s staring at her cast. She feels really bad. She rubs her eyes, not out of sadness, but because the small one is tired. Michael notices. He knows Faye probably isn’t going to want to leave, so he just lets it be so his little girl can spend more time with her best friend.

 

Parker sits down next to her, looking excited. “My mommy said that I can go with you to your house ‘stead of having a babysitter.” He says excitedly, then frowns. He reaches over and gently pokes Faye’s arm. “Are you okay?” He looks concerned for his friend. “Wanna hug?”

 

Jeremy looks over at the two kids, then at Michael. He considers asking Michael if they should be heading home, but decides against it. He leans against his husband slightly. “It’s no problem. We’ll take good care of him, we promise.” He says, speaking for the both of them.

 

Jackie smiles back at them. “I know you will.” She says, then sighs, looking over at the two kids. “It’s nice to know he’ll at least have some sort of a father figure.” She murmurs. “And I couldn’t have asked for two better ones.”

 

“Well, thank you.” Michael smiles a bit. Not that he feels like he had much of a father figure in his life because he has two moms. “Parker’s a nice kid. He’s really sweet to our Faye.” Michael smiles a bit.

 

Faye hugs Parker. She doesn’t even answer him. She’s just being quiet because she doesn’t want Parker to know that she’s sad. She wants her best friend to be happy. Then it hits her. “So we get to be together all the time now?”

 

Parker nods happily, hugging her back. “Uh huh! We get to be together at school and after school and we get to have fun!” He says, pulling away and grinning at the girl. “It’s gonna be- it’s gonna be wicked awesome!”

 

Jeremy glances at Michael. That’s the thing about his husband- he doesn’t like change to start off, but it grows on him. Like Faye, like Parker. “It’s our pleasure.” He says, smiling at Jackie.

 

Michael looks over at Jeremy with a small smile on his face. Then he goes back to watching the kids. He thinks they’re cute and adorable. He’s glad Faye has found a friend, but he still feels the need to protect her. He doesn’t want her getting hurt. Not again. Before Michael can think one more protective Dad thought, Faye kisses Parker on the cheek. Michael, in some very teenager social media terms, is shook.

 

Parker’s face immediately goes bright pink, and he gives a huge grin. Jeremy and Jackie gave each other a slightly amused look, before Jeremy is distracted by his shocked husband. “Hey. She’s just being affectionate. She sees us do it all the time, she probably thinks it’s just a friend thing.”

 

“But- But no.” Michael looks at Jeremy. “No. She can have a friend and a best friend but she can’t just go around kissing people. I have not raised her to be like this in the past few months. I will not stand for this anarchy. That is my little girl and she is not allowed to date people, not a boy or a girl. Nothing. I love her but no. Just no.”

 

Jeremy lets out a small sigh, glancing at Jackie. “Can you-“ She nods, and Jeremy pulls Michael out of the tiny room into an equally small hallway. “Michael. They’re not dating. It’s not like she kissed him on the lips or anything! It’s just- affection.” He takes a deep breath. “We can give her a talk when we get home and she wakes up tomorrow, but she’s five. She shouldn’t be worrying about dating anyone. Sure, maybe she’ll end up dating him later, but still- she’s a child. He’s a child. They don’t understand. And I’m not giving our five year old ‘the Talk’.”

 

Michael nods, “I just… really don’t want something bad to happen to her.” He sighs. “I guess even small things like this make me nervous. I don’t want her getting hurt, even in a microscopic sense.” Michael crosses his arms, almost hugging himself. “I guess I’m a bit protective.”

 

Jeremy gives a small smile. “A bit?” He teases, then leans up and quickly kisses Michael. “She’s not going to hurt. It’s just a small kiss on the cheek. Plus, if she does get hurt by that kid, I’m joining you in banning him from our house.” He nods to the door. “Should we head back in?”

 

Michael nods a bit. “Yeah, you’re right. I don’t really want to condone her kissing him all the time though. If she does it again, we have to say something. I don’t want her to just kiss her best friend all the time, and she has to know that it isn’t just a best friend thing. But I can save all this protective dad stuff for later. I’ll just see if it happens again, alright?”

 

Jeremy smiles softly. “Yeah, we’ll talk to her if it happens again.” He reassures his husband, then takes his hand and guides him back to the living room, only to find Faye and Parker curled on the floor together, asleep. Jeremy can’t help but smile at them. “We should probably get her home.” He says quietly.

 

After looking at them, he nods slowly. He gently takes Faye away from Parker; Faye immediately readjusts to hold onto Michael. Michael smiles and kisses her head. He makes sure to give Parker a plush spider-man he has so he isn’t alone. Michael wraps Faye in her jacket, not worried about getting it completely on her. “Hey Jer, do you just wanna take your car and we can come get mine later?” He says softly, not wanting to wake either child that is currently sleeping.

 

Jeremy nods, smiling at the two kids. He looks over to Jackie, giving her a thankful look. “Thanks for everything.” He says, and Jackie nods, scooping up her own son.

 

“Let’s get these little ones to bed, shall we?” Jackie says, looking fondly at Parker. “Thanks for making his birthday special. He doesn’t normally get to have friends over, so this was amazing. Even with the little ginger mishap.” She glances towards the kitchen. “Feel free to take some food home, if you want.” Then she gives them one last smile, before disappearing down the hall to Parker’s bedroom.

 

Jeremy turns to Michael. “We should just go. I’m not taking any food, and we probably should get Faye home as soon as possible. Want me to drive?” He suggests.

 

Michael nods a bit and smiles at his little girl in his arms. “Yeah, I’ve got her. Let’s just go home.” Michael kisses Faye’s head. “I’m glad she had a good time even with her almost dying and everything.”

 

“I am too.” Jeremy gives a soft laugh, heading out the door and towards their car. Once they get downstairs, he opens the door for Michael, before heading to the front seat and starting the car. “Our lives are just one chaotic moment after the next, aren’t they? Reminds me of a story sometimes. Or a musical, with all the bad decisions.” He says once Faye is in her carseat and they’re driving home.

 

“Yeah I suppose you’re right.” Michael comments, looking out the window from the passenger seat. “I’m just hoping we can just have a relaxing night for once. Just one normal night. Wait… did I just make a musical reference? That’s Addams Family. Holy hell, Jeremy.”

 

Jeremy gives a small laugh. “See, Christine and I are corrupting you finally.” He says, glancing over at Michael with a soft smile. His little girl is safe, and Michael seems happy, so he’s content with life. He is distracted, though, and out of nowhere he hears the screeching of brakes, then the crunch of metal on metal, and Michael screaming- or is that him? Then Jeremy’s head hits the steering wheel and he’s out cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. Sorry we haven’t posted in awhile. Life is getting crazy and busy. We are trying to write as efficiently as we can. This chapter is kinda long-ish I think? Don’t worry, it’s not the end of the story. There’s more to come.  
> ~ PlayerOneMell
> 
> (wow playertwo makes an entrance for once) sorry for the delay! also feel free to blame me for the angst this time! hope you enjoyed
> 
> ~PlayerTwoHeere


	20. It’s Stomach Flu Season

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Faye gets sick and Jeremy’s home alone.

In the hospital, nothing too bad seemed to happen. Jeremy had concussion. Faye and Michael both went unharmed. Jeremy is off of work for a few days now and is spending the day at home. Michael has gone into the office and Jeremy’s waiting to wake up Faye. He doesn’t want to wake her up too early.

 

At around nine in the morning, Faye wakes up, but it goes unnoticed by Jeremy. Jeremy’s wearing earbuds and trying to figure out something to make for breakfast. Faye just wakes up and coughs. She notices she doesn’t feel too good. She’s kind of sweaty. In her words she just feels ‘icky’.

 

While going through the mostly empty cupboards, one of Jeremy’s earbuds falls out. He would to go put it back in and but he heard the sound of someone throwing up in the distance, and his fatherly instincts kicked in. He ripped his earbuds out of his phone’s headphone socket and ran up the stairs. He could hear Faye crying. “Fairy, sweetie?”

 

Faye, being the smart little kid she is, had throw up into a garbage can. There’s a little bit on her face, and there are tears streaming down her face. “Daddy... I feel icky.”

 

Jeremy nods and slowly, but with haste, walks over to Faye. He places her glasses on her face so she can see and gets a tissue to wipe off her mouth. “I know, Faye, I know. It’s gonna be alright.” He says softly, pressing his lips against her forehead to check her temperature. It appears Faye has a little bit of a fever. “Why don’t you go get in me and Tatay’s bed, huh? I’ll clean up your room.”

 

“Can I bring my teddy bear?” Faye says while sniffling. She rubs her knows with the sleeve of her pajamas. “Daddy, am I dying? What’s going on?”

 

“Well, do you have the dying feeling?” Jeremy asks quickly, getting a little bit concerned. He thinks that Faye might not have been sick before, but that can’t be true. Every child gets sick during their life, and Faye didn’t life in very good conditions.

 

“No.” She shakes her head while she’s hugging her plush teddy bear close to her chest. “I just feel really icky.” Faye slides off her bed and reaches up for Jeremy’s hand. Jeremy just decides to pick her up. “Is Tatay here?”

 

Jeremy’s heart breaks a little bit when he sees how upset Faye is. He wishes Michael were there to comfort her. Jeremy doesn’t get a chance to take care of sick people very often. Michael’s the one in the house with a good immune system. He’s guessing Faye got sick from all germs at school. It starts making since to him because his students have been out lately. “No, Fairy, he’s not here. He had to go into work.” Jeremy sighs. He really wish Michael were here for this. “I’m sure he’ll be home later.”

 

“Can you call him now?” Faye asks. “I miss him. I want him and you. You guys work as a team and you’re like superheroes. Tatay even told me one time your his... his number two?” Faye tilts her head while saying it.

 

Jeremy smiles as he begins walking to his and Michael’s room. “I’m his Player Two, Faye. It’s because that’s what we do when we play video games.” He places her on the bed in his bedroom. “Did you just say me and Tatay are superheroes?”

 

“Yeah! Even Parker seems to think so!” Faye grins, and her face seems to light up when she says Parker’s name. “I think it’s cool to have dads who are superheroes.”

 

“That’s great, Fairy!” Jeremy kisses her head, almost wincing at how warm skin is. He decides to just have her lie down and out a kid’s movie on the tv. “I’ll be right back, alright?” Jeremy says. Faye gives him in a nod in response. While cleaning up Faye’s room from her vomit, Jeremy decides to call Michael.

 

After about five rings, Michael picks up the phone, “Hello, Michael George Heere speaking. What seems to the problem at the household?” Michael has a joking tone in his voice. He has no idea what’s going on at home. “What’s up, Jer?”

 

“Um.. Faye is sick.” Jeremy says first, not even taking time to appreciate Michael’s joke. “She woke up, I don’t even know when. When I realized she was awake she threw up. She has a fever, and I don’t know how high. I just thought you should know what you’re coming home to.”

 

Michael’s heart falls. He can’t believe that his little girl is sick. “Is she okay? I can make it home right now. You shouldn’t be taking care of her alone. Jeremy, I’ll come home.” Michael says all of this quickly.

 

“Whoa, Michael, stay at work this is important.” Jeremy tries to calm him down. He knows Michael’s dad instincts are kicking in, but he doesn’t want Michael to be rushing home just for a sick kid. It’s their sick kid, but he does need to work. “Stay at work. I can take care of Faye.”

 

“Mahal ko, I want to be there.” Michael sighs, he looks over at his laptop. He could probably be home soon. There’s only a few more things he has to do for the day. He just knows he has to proceed calmly. “Are you sure you can do this on your own? What if you get sick too?”

 

“Then I get sick too, Michael.” Jeremy just shrugs, and shuts the door to Faye’s room. “Sweetheart, just stay at work until you’re done for the day. I’ll keep Faye warm and safe and as happy as I possibly can. I promise. I’ll take her to a doctor if I have to.”

 

“Daddy!” Faye calls. She is laying in bed and hugging her teddy bear. She knows Jeremy’s talking to someone, but she feels so sick. Her stomach feels all twisted up inside her. She wants her to dad to make her feel better.

 

“You tell me if you take her to a doctor, don’t make me nervous like that.” Michael says. He’s wishing he could be at home right now, but he can’t be. He wants to take care of his little girl. “Just... keep me updated. I’ll be home when I can.”

 

“Okay, Cool, she’s calling me, I should go.” Jeremy sighs, “Micah, I love you so much. Please take care of yourself. Everything’s gonna be fine here.”

 

“Why do I feel like you’re talking to yourself more than me?” Michael questions and laughs softly to himself. He can tell Jeremy is nervous. Faye hasn’t gotten sick in their watch before. It makes Michael a bit anxious. “Deep breaths, honey, don’t worry. She’s gonna be alright.”

 

“Thank you, Michael.” Jeremy smiles. He appreciates that Michael is trying to calm him down. He can tell Michael’s nervous too because it’s evident in his voice. Jeremy knows his husband pretty well. “I’m gonna go, okay?”

 

“Alright.” Michael immediately responds. “I’ll see you when I get home later. Tell her I love her and I miss her so much. Mahal Kita, Jer. Bye.”

 

“I’ll tell her.” Jeremy says. “Bye, Mikey.” He hears Michael hang up, and he goes back to his room to take care of Faye. As he does he notices that Faye has thrown up all over his bed sheets. It’s going to be a long day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry it’s taken so long to post the next chapter. I’ve been dealing with a lot. Life gets really busy. I’m not sure how many more chapters there will be. I have started writing the series by myself. There’s no drama attached. My co-author and I just decided to split ways. I’ll try to keep up with the series as best I can. It’s just hard writing for Jeremy and Michael and Faye. I hope you guys still enjoy the series. I’m trying my best.   
> Hopefully the next upload isn’t too far away.   
> ~ PlayerOneMell


	21. High Heat with Terror

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy catches the virus from Faye, and it all goes downhill from there.

Michael got home late that night. After dinner time. He walks through the door and takes off his coat. He looks around the house for a moment. All he can hear is the television upstairs. He’s guessing that’s where Jeremy and Faye are. He walks upstairs to see Faye asleep, and Jeremy fully invested in the children’s television show he is watching. “Jer?”

 

The man in the blue cardigan looks over at Jeremy, and jumps for a moment. He walks over and hugs him. “I’m not that invested... it’s just My Little Pony.” He looks up at Michael. “You’re home late.”

 

“Expecting me not to catch you?” Michael laughs softly as he kisses Jeremy’s forehead. He pauses for a moment. He presses his lips to Jeremy’s forehead again. Then he presses the back of his hand to Jeremy’s forehead. “Mahal ko?”

 

Jeremy groans, “Don’t tell me...” He mutters. He knows he has a weak immune system, but he wants to take care of his daughter. He was hoping that he wouldn’t catch her stomach virus. He hugs himself.

 

Unfortunately, Michael can see the cloudiness in Jeremy’s eyes. He can tell he’s developing a bit of a fever. Michael leads Jeremy to bed, and runs downstairs quickly to bring him water and some fever medication. “You've given some to our little fairy, right?”

 

“Yeah.” Jeremy mutters. “She’s been asleep for fifteen minutes. I gave her some twenty minutes ago. We’re all good.” He says as he takes the medication. Although, he realizes Michael’s taking care of him after a long day of work. Jeremy feels a bit guilty. Shouldn’t Michael be relaxing? “Micah... why don’t you lie down?”

 

“Our baby bean is taking up my side of the bed.” He shrugs with a simple response. He hands Jeremy his pajamas, and lifts the little girl up in his arms. He smiles as she curls up a bit. He can feel the feverish temperature radiating off her body. He goes to lie her down in her room. As he does so, he places a cold washcloth on her forehead to attempt to bring her fever down. Michael doesn’t like seeing his little girl so sick. He just wants to take care of her; however, he also has a sick husband to take care of. He’s happy to take care of people. It brings him joy.

 

Jeremy changes into his pajamas as he waits for Michael to return. Jeremy can’t believe that he is actually sick. He wishes he weren’t. He knows that this is going to make it harder for him to take care of Faye. He just hopes that Michael won’t end up getting sick.

 

When Michael returns, he goes into his closet. He puts on sweatpants and lays down next to Jeremy in bed. “Do you need anything before I get too comfortable, babe?” He questions as he raises a brow.

 

“No.” Jeremy shakes his head. “Cuddles seem perfectly fine with me.”

 

Michael nods, wrapping his arms around Jeremy. He can feel the warmth of Jeremy’s body, but he tries not to let his concern show. He is sure that he can just work from home the next day. He just has to manage taking care of sick people at the same time. He knows it is nothing that he can’t handle. He can do this. He keeps reminding himself of this. He is Michael Heere, a father and a husband. He can take care of Faye and Jeremy. It shouldn’t be a problem at all. After thinking all this, he notices Jeremy is half asleep against his chest. “Night, Player Two.”

 

“Sweet dreams, Player One.” Jeremy mutters as his exhaustion takes him over completely. Jeremy falls asleep happily. For being sick, he has a surpassingly easy night of sleep. He feels much better when he wakes up. His rubs his eyes as the sun cracks through the curtains.

 

Faye is sitting on Michael’s side of the bed. She is kicking her feet back and forth. She seems rather upset. Not a word leaves her mouth.

 

Since he is sore, Jeremy stretches for a moment. He sits up and sits next to his ever so sad daughter. He wonders what is troubling her so. Jeremy kisses her head. “What’s wrong, little fairy? You seem upset.”

 

Faye shrugs, “I don’t know, Daddy. Tatay seems upset.” She sighs, looking up at her father. She almost has a frown on her face as she adjusts her glasses. “He is making breakfast right now and he is all dressed up for work.”

 

Jeremy swallows and gets up for a second, and then looks back at Faye. He doesn’t know if he should go talk to his husband, or comfort his daughter. It is a bit of a dilemma. Michael could be going through something he doesn’t want Faye to see, or maybe Faye needs the comfort of her father. Jeremy takes a few more seconds before taking his place next to Faye again. “I’m sure it’s nothing, honey. He just has a lot going on at work.”

 

“I guess.” Faye shrugs once again. “Isn’t he making a video game? Do you think it’s going to be like Mario Kart? Or is it more of the ones that only you and Tatay are allowed to play? And why can’t I play those games? Aren’t I a big girl?”

 

Jeremy laughs softly to himself. It seems bringing up Michael’s work is a simple distraction to the pipsqueak in front of him. “Fairy, not so many questions, please. Remember we’ve talked about this.” He says before running his fingers through his hair. “He is making a video game, and I don’t know what it is going to be like exactly. I believe it is going to be for people who are older than you. You can’t play the games because they aren’t appropriate for someone your age. You are a big girl, though.”

 

Faye nods as she takes in all of the information that Jeremy has provided her with. She moves to sit in Jeremy’s lap before asking anything else. “Is Tatay going to have to spend the entire day at the office again?” She looks up at Jeremy.

 

He can see the sadness in his little girl’s eyes. He wants to tell her that Michael can stay at home, and maybe even watch a movie with them; however, Jeremy realizes that this can’t possibly be true. Michael has a lot on his plate right now. He knows he can’t lie to Faye. He deeply sighs before answering her, “I don’t know.” He shrugs. “I’ll have to ask him when breakfast is ready.”

 

“Speaking of...” Michael mutters from the bedroom doorway. “Anyone up for some Belgian waffles?”

 

“Do they have chocolate chips?” Faye acts excitedly.

 

Michael nods, “Yes, Fairy they do.” He says. He watches the little girl squeal with excitement and run down the stairs. He then turns his attention to his husband for a moment. He walks over and helps Jeremy to standing. “I’m sorry about the commotion.” He kisses his nose.

 

“You haven’t made waffles since we got back from our honeymoon. You nearly burned down our house.” Jeremy laughs a little bit. “What’re you getting at here, Mikey?”

 

“Nothing, mahal ko.” He says simply. “I found the waffle maker in the back of our pantry, so... I decided to make some. I figured Fairy might like some. After all, she may have never had them before.” He smiles. “I just want her to be happy after the day she had at Parker’s.”

 

“Right...” Jeremy sighs, just remembering it. He walks with Michael downstairs. He notices that Faye is only attempting to open the syrup on her own. He thinks it is adorable as she licks her fingers since they have become sticky.

 

Immediately, Michael swoops in to try and open the syrup for his girl. Michael opens it and helps her cut up the waffles. It is almost a picture perfect family for a moment. Just for a second, Michael thinks he can start calling this girl his daughter without fear. Call her Faye Heere.

 

Jeremy sits down next to Michael at the table. They sit down and have a rather nice breakfast. It is the first peaceful moment at the Heere house in awhile. Jeremy cherishes it before he hears a loud knock at the door.

 

In that moment, the whole mood seems to change. The knocking is so loud it makes Faye jump. “Daddy? Tatay?” She looks in between her parents. She is confused and scared. Usually her parents tell her when there is going to be a visitor. “Who is that?”

 

“I don’t know, Fairy.” Michael says, placing his silverware down. He wipes his face with a napkin before standing up. “Just stay here, alright?” He says to Faye. He gets up and goes to the door. Michael’s smile seems to fade from his face almost immediately.

 

Jeremy rushes over to the door quickly. He heart stops as he sees the woman who is in the doorway. It is Ms. Chase. The woman who gave them their initial adoption interview and inspected their house. Jeremy grabs Michael’s hand. “Ms. Chase?” He says. “What are you doing here?”

 

“I had some reports about how you and Michael are parenting Faye?” Ms. Chase comments. She looks at the two men in front of her. “Something about her nearly dying at a friend’s house? Parker Peterson?”

 

Michael swallows and nods a bit. “Yes, that is what happened.” He comments. He still seems confused, almost disoriented, as to why Ms. Chase would have to check in about something like this. “She had an allergic reaction to ginger. We didn’t know she had this allergy. It wasn’t on any of his medical records.”

 

“Well, you have to understand this isn’t the first report we have had about your behavior.” She says. “May I come in?”

 

Jeremy and Michael both step aside to let the woman inside. Jeremy’s heart has dropped into a dip pit in his stomach. He feels his veins feeling with the black sludge of fear. Why other reports has Ms. Chase received? Why has she left her car running outside? “Ms. Chase, I don’t understand what is happen. We try our very best to take care of our little Fairy.”

 

“Yes, I understand that you took her ice skating and she broke her wrist?” She comments. “Is this true? Is it also true that she is called fairy at school as an insult?” She purses her lips as she sees Jeremy nervously nod.

 

Faye slides down and off her chair. She walks in between Jeremy and Michael. She grabs both of their hands out of fear. She doesn’t understand what is happen. “Daddy? Tatay? What is going on? Why is Ms. Chase here?”

 

Ms. Chase kneels down to be at Faye’s height. “Your daddies haven’t been treating you right, Faye. We have to take you back into the system.” Ms. Chase says with a smile on her face. “Can you go pack your things for me?”

 

Tears begin to well up in the little girl’s eyes. She runs off upstairs to go grab some of her things in a rush. She is clearly distraught. She loves being with Jeremy and Michael she doesn’t want to leave them.

 

Michael seems furious, but bites his lip. “Jeremy, can you take care of this? I want to go help her if that’s alright.” He says, kissing Jeremy’s cheek. He doesn’t move a muscle as he waits for Jeremy’s approval. 

 

Jeremy gives a quick and worried nod. He watches Michael race up the stairs after their daughter. Jeremy fidgets with his cardigan sleeves as he eyes meet Ms. Chase one again. “Is there no way we can keep her? She loves it here.”

 

“I’m afraid not, Mr. Heere.” Ms. Chase states. “We have to take her back into the system and she will have to find a new home.”

 

Immediately, Jeremy doesn’t like the sound of that. His anxiety heightens for a moment. How could this happen? He tries to be nothing but kind to his little girl. He wants Faye to be loved and safe. He doesn’t know if she is going to get that in another home. He doesn’t trust this not for one second. “You can’t take her. She is Michael and I’m daughter. She isn’t going to enjoy being in another home.”

 

“You don’t get to make that decision, sir. It is to my understanding that she is not safe her, or enjoying her time here.” Ms. Chase says. “She is going to be relocated. You are never going to see Faye again.”

 

Ms. Chase’s last sentence is on repeat in Jeremy’s mind. **_Never_** again? It shatters his heart into a million pieces as his lungs seem to deflate. He begins to hyperventilate. He is drowning in his own thoughts. The next thing he knows he is screaming. His body shoots straight up in bed.

 

It wakes Michael up. He turns on the lamp on his bedside table and rubs his eyes. He is utterly confused as to why Jeremy has woken up screaming. He places his glasses on. “Jer, what’s wrong?”

 

Jeremy takes a few more struggles gasps of air. Could it all have been a nightmare. He tries to shake it off, but some part of him just can’t. “Wh-Where’s Faye?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I know it’s been awhile. I’m writing as fast as I can. I have a lot of other stuff going on. I hate using that as an excuse. I will finish this fic though. Have no fear. It will eventually be finished. I am just struggling writing this on my own. I don’t have anyone to bounce my ideas off of.
> 
> Anyhow, I hope you liked this chapter. I apologize for any typos. Tell me what you thought if you want to! I love hearing from you guys.  
> ~ PlayerOneMell

**Author's Note:**

> You guys can blame me for any bad editing I did, sorry. It took me quite sometime to edit. Anyhow, good to be back writing a multi chapter on this series. We’ve been working for about six months. It’s not quite finished, but a total of eighteen chapters currently. There will be more in the future. Tags will be updated as we go.  
> ~ PlayerOneMell
> 
> also,, don’t worry. It gets... not exactly happier, but a little better. I’m really looking forward to you guys meeting the litle pipsqueak (i love her a lot you have no idea-) in the coming chapters. Hope you enjoyed!! and don’t give PlayerOneMell too much of a hard time, they’re mostly my mistakes anyways lol. See ya!  
> ~PlayerTwoHeere


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